Last Day of the old year and last day as a 41 year old

Today is the last day of the year. Tomorrow dawns a new year and my birthday. I will be 42. Do I feel 42? No, not really. I feel like an immature person who makes too many mistakes. Do we ever "feel" grown up? I see people who seem to have it all together and I marvel at them. I know you aren't supposed to be jealous, but I do get a tad bitten by the green eyed monsters of these ladies who have it all together. Then I am reminded, they may feel the same way I do. None of us are immune to feeling this way.

As the New Year dawns there is so many hopes I have for my family and myself. I pray we can get on a more even keel financially. I pray I can become a stronger Christian, a better wife and a better mother. I pray some way, some how God will allow us to have a house instead of an apartment. I pray that my children will be healthy.

For Christopher, I pray most of all he will get past his sensory issues and EAT.

For Hannah, I pray she realizes that being the middle child doesn't mean she is forgotten. We try to show this to her in many ways, but you see it in her eyes sometimes....middle child syndrome.

For Jennifer it is a more selfish prayer, that she will learn to stop wetting the bed at night.

For Mike, that his dreams of becoming a pastor of a church on a constant basis will be realized. Whether, he becomes an associate pastor or a head pastor is irrelevant. But he wants to preach and teach.

For myself, that I will learn how to be more organized. Be a avid Bible reader and a strong prayer warrior. God HIMSELF will be my guide. I see in myself the things I lack and I know there MUST be change for growth. Old things must be cast away. I must be pruned and trimmed. I am ready Lord, teach me. Mold me, make me into the woman YOU want me to be.

I feel like we have had a year of storms, rain, trials and tests. But I also believe there is new growth peeking out of the flood and the rain. As tender shoots brave the storms that have assailed us, God will bring to good what was meant for bad. Somehow, we will be victorious and we will look back and see that it was a time of change and growth. Out of rain comes new life. Our of storms come rainbows. God is faithful.

Things I have learned this past year

• That a 3 year old can have a better sense of humor than any adult I know.
• That I am not nor can I ever be super mom.
• That people will always judge you and find you lacking but you don't have to listen to their judgements. That you can rise above what others thing and know that you are doing what you are supposed to do.
• That 9 year old boys can be grumpy one second and a nano second later they are happy. They have faster mood swings than toddlers ever dreamed of having. And their moods do not always make sense.
• That each year with my children and husband brings deeper love.
• That God isn't finished with me, He hasn't given up on me, and He believes in me even when there are those in my life who don't seem to.
• That pain of the heart does not last forever, but it can make you stronger.
• That once again, prayer DOES work.
• That you can have little in the monetary sense of the word but have much in love. (I did know that but it was shown to me again and again).
• That miracles show up in unexpected places and ways.
• That God's promises truly are new every morning. Once again, I knew that, but God shows it to me again and again. I love Him.
• That friendship has a way of being like warm butter on hot toast, comforting and soothing.
• That love is truly the root of contentment.
• That a kindergartner sees life through different eyes. Eyes full of wonder and joy.

I will be adding to this list from time to time.

Guess the pain is just that pain

No known cause, the blood work and urine sample showed nothing in regards to the pain. However, I KNOW it isn't all in my head, it is in my side! Today is better, not as severe as yesterday. Guess I just have to live with it. Although I did find out I have border line low thyroid and googled that. That totally explains WHY I am so tired all the time. No medications to be prescribed at this time, so yet another thing I have to deal with. I am going to have to figure out how to live my life with constant exhaustion and no way to treat it. Fun, fun fun. NOT.

Okay I am in a poor mood today, pain will do that to you. The kids are being sweet though. All 3 of them. Jennifer keeps coming over to me, laying hands on me and praying for me. It is so precious. I have the best kids on the planet, hands down!

So that is my little update.

I am going to take my pain, that was akin to labor pain yesterday and lay down on the couch. Sad thing is that for all that pain; I have nothing little and cute to show for it. sigh.

Dr Update

Nothing to report. Sigh, still in pain and nothing to report. Dr does not think it is a cracked rib because he could press the rib. He did a lot of blood work and took a urine sample. All I know is I want something to show HOW to TREAT this. I HURT! 24/7 ....I hurt. Please God let them find an answer and be able to treat it. I AM IN PAIN.

My Dearest Hannah

Mommy has a great huge apology to give you. I did not get your birthday letter and birthday post written back in November. I am sorry. Partly due to all the illness in our house and partly just due to Mommy getting distracted. One day you will understand how that can happen and how it is no reflection of Mommy's love for you.

Over the past year, you have grown so much in so many ways. You are mature beyond your years. You are loving and compassionate. You live life with gusto but at the same time, you are our most serious child. You think deeply, you love deeply and you are sensitive. You are the Princess. You are such a girly girl. You make me smile. You can be moody and pouty but it is because you feel so deeply. You have learned to read. You have learned so much in Kindergarten. You love learning and growing and living.

Your love for Jesus is beautiful. Watching you do your drama inspires me. You praise your Lord with all of your precious heart. You love Him immensely and you are not afraid to show it.

Your kindness towards others is phenomenal. You make your Daddy and I so proud. I marvel at the person you are. I see great big possibilities in you. I think you will either be a teacher or someone who cares for others. You say, you want to be a Mommy with 12 children! That humbles me, because you say you want to be like me. In all my faults and flaws you want to be like your Mommy. That makes me want to do better.

You my sweet daughter are in inspiration and I love you. Keep shining for Jesus.

Love Mommy

My plans for the coming year

I am going to attempt to make at least one blog post a day. That is 365 posts at least. I am not going to promise but I am going to try. There will be days that will be about as exciting as watching paint dry. However, with my 3 kids I am sure there are some days that will be entertaining, at least to other moms. I hope to inspire someone, share my faith and perhaps make someone have hope and want to live for the Lord.

I don't fathom that I have great words of wisdom or influence. I am just a normal wife, mother, woman with flaws and imperfections. Occasionally I get bursts of inspiration and have something eloquent to say. However, for the most part, I am as average as they come.

I try to live my life with compassion, love and integrity. I make mistakes. I am not the perfect wife, mother, Christian, and so on. I want to be better in all areas of my life. I want others to see that the Jesus I speak about is the Jesus I live and love and serve.

Happy New Year and may the coming year bring you many blessings.

Updates from us

The kids finally did get better but then it was Christmas activities at the school, church and going here and there and busy busy busy. Christopher's asthma continues to be a challenge.

I too am facing a challenge right now. For a couple of weeks I have had off and on pain under my left rib cage. This weekend it has become more prevalent and more constant. I am making a doctor's appointment tomorrow. We are thinking maybe one of the kids cracked a rib crawling on Mommy? Not sure but the pain ranges from a 3-9 on a scale of 1-10 and is never gone now. I am not sure what is going on but I am tired of hurting, so off I go to try and find some answers. My prayer is that they find the cause and FIX IT! Mommy being out of commission is NOT an option.

Flu Flu Go Away

Go away and stay away. All 3 kids are sick now. Christopher and Jennifer are a bit better. Christopher has been the sickest, so far. Hannah has fever of 103 and feeling really bad today. Yesterday she was fine and ran some fever last night and it spiked this morning. So hopefully it will be out of our house by the time the weekend is over.

I pray that Mike and I do not get it. Mike can not miss work. I can not be sick either. I have my family to take care of. It is rough when all are sick. At least they aren't all desperately ill all at the same time. Thankfully we got Christopher to the ER when we did. Seriously, they said it was good that we did. If we'd waited until the next day, he'd have been much sicker. God is faithful. Always faithful.

And it has hit full force

Christopher ended up in ER on Sunday night. Respiratory distress, high fever, etc. They treated him with an hour long epinephrine breathing treatment. Did a chest xray. They released him on antibiotics, tami flu and he is also on breathing treatments and oral steroids. He has the flu, asthma flare and pnuemonia. He has lost THREE POUNDS! He is now down to 36 lbs! My poor baby.

Now Jennifer has spiked a fever and is coughing. Life as I know it revolves around meds, breathing treatments, and worrying about the kids. Hannah is at school and so far no signs of illness.

I am tired.

And the asthma/flu/whatever it is has struck

Christopher is quite ill but not in need of an ER visit as of yet. He is struggling but stable at the moment. I myself am fighting fear. Fear that H1N1 has struck and that because of his asthma he is going to end up really sick. I fight that fear. His lungs sound horrible. I refuse to give into fear and the whispers of the enemy. God is bigger than fear. He is bigger than the flu. He is bigger than asthma. My God is able!

Christopher has always been a trooper when he is sick. Never complains. What makes me the most edgy is my son is begging us to help him feel better. Crying that he feels so bad. He has NEVER reacted this way to illness. He is such a strong little boy. Seeing him like this hurts. It is a physical hurt of the heart and Mommy can't fix it. I think that is what hurts the most when our kids are sick. Not being able to kiss it away.

Lack of compassion astounds me

I came across a blog about a baby born with anacephaly. I was shocked by the sheer lack of compassion and human kindness in some of the comments. Some said the baby wasn't human and didn't deserve to live. Yet in some of the pictures and videos posted you could clearly see that baby interacting with her Mommy. The baby could breathe and function without a ventilator. Yes she had a feeding tube, but she ate, she enjoyed her milk and she thrived. She blessed her family. She made noises and let them know by the smacking of her lips and soft crying when she was hungry. She COMMUNICATED. Hello it does not matter how much or how little brain that baby had. She WAS a HUMAN being. She had feelings, she had life, she communicated, in our way...no but in her own way. SHE MATTERED. Why is it people want to define which life is valuable and which life is not? ALL life is valuable. She was created for a purpose. She was fearfully and wonderfully made. Her family loved her and in her own little way she gave love. She responded to her mother's touch....and formed a bond. That is love.

I wonder where the love in the world has gone. I read on a mommy forum about people who have to have state assistance or they are struggling in this economy and people jump on them and call them names and belittle them. Or someone made some poor decisions and people jump on them and call them the worst of the worst. Or someone asks a question about parenting or a medical question and people call them stupid or tell them that there way is wrong. Spankers say non spankers are wrong and vice versa. Not many seem to find compassion in themselves to respect the differences in our world and give each other support. WHY? WHERE is the compassion? Why can't people see that we are all one paycheck away from poverty? People judge people if they put up a fake tree for crying out loud. I mean come on, seriously. Does it make someone better if they use a live tree? Many people are allergic or can't afford a live tree just to throw it away. Some have build a tradition around their "fake" tree. I was like, oh my word I can't believe someone just berated someone for having a fake tree. There is a lot more in this world to get worried about. Let's teach our children compassion. Let's support one another in love instead of berating people because they are different, believe different, live differently. It is fine to preach Jesus if you LIVE JESUS while you are preaching Jesus. If you berate people and their lives and give them no compassion then you are dishonoring Jesus. It just astounds me. I pray for those people because obviously they have lacked some love somewhere or something. They need prayer, but it is hard for me to see these people be so mean to others. Why are people so mean? I can not comprehend it.

Thanksgiving blessings

Seems as if life has gotten in the way of blogging, LOL. Since I last blogged my middle daughter turned 6 and we had thanksgiving and life has kept me on the go.

Our family went to my Dad's and Step Mom's or as a friend says "a bonus mom" for Thanksgiving. It was such a wonderful holiday. Watching my Dad so different with my kids than he was with my siblings and I was touching. I am glad he has mellowed and is not the same man I grew up with. I am glad to see his gentleness and his sweetness with the children. Am I jealous? Not in the least. I am so glad my children can have a grandfather who is gentle and kind. We all change. We all make mistakes. He has and he did. Forgiveness colors the world with a new crayon. I can see things I never saw before. I can see him as a man who albeit it flawed, loved and still loves me. He loves my husband and our children. Does he have flaws, yep, and so do I. I can choose to walk and live in forgiveness. If I do not choose this road, my children would never know their grandfather. I watched as my littlest ran to my father and said "You is my "heyro". I watched my father stoop down and pick her up and treasure the moment. I watched my father walk hand in hand with my children and enjoy the slow pace he must take now. At almost 74 his gait is remarkably slower. The perfect pace for children who like to notice the pine straw and dandelions blowing in the cool November wind.

My God has orchestrated my life. Now I can sit back and watch my children bond with an older generation. I can see them learn compassion by slowing down to Grandpa's pace. I can see them as they learn our elders should be respected when they without prompting "yes sir" or "no sir" in respect.

I am hopefully back in blog land for a while. I will try, not promise, but try to blog some at least once a week, hopefully more. I have missed blog land.

I have missed putting down some of the cute things my children have done and now I can't remember...LOL. Proof that I too one day, sooner maybe than I want, be a part of the older generation..LOL.

Dear Children

Really, please tell Mommy if you spill something and let me clean it up. Your attempts of clean up are admirable but not the greatest in quality. When Mommy walks into the kitchen and finds the sticky spots you left behind, it is not so pleasant. Having one's foot stick to the kitchen floor at 5:30 am is not the way I wish to be awakened.

You are all sweet and precious. I promise you do not have to outdo your sibling in the cute area. You each have your own unique abilities and gifts. What you add to our family is wonderful in your own right. You do not have to copy each other to be cute. Be yourself.

Thanks for bringing such joy to my life. Having you 3 is perhaps one of my greatest gifts. You are symbols of Mommy and Daddy's love and the blessed assurance that God trusts us. Now, sometimes I think perhaps, HE overrated me, but He has more trust in me than I have myself.

One day you will be grown. I pray that I am sewing seeds of kindness and love in you that will effect others. I love you.

Love Mommy

My time is over...

or may be over....that is my time as a stay at home mom may be coming to an end. There is much change afoot in our household. Changes that promise to be good but changes all the same. I knew I would eventually have to go back to work in order to pay student loans. However, this may come sooner than anticipated due to possible changes, good changes with hubby's employment. I have mixed feelings. Jennifer will benefit from Pre-K and craves school like a duck craves water. There is a possibility I could work in a Pre-K, get discounted childcare and be able to work with children. However, I wish I could afford to be a sahm well into the children's teens. We are not doing this, if it happens JUST to have more money, but to be responsible and good stewards of what God has given us. I hope, if I have to work to only work mainly during my children's school hours. Time will tell. For now, I must pray, that I am ready and willing to do what God is calling me to do........"For Such a Time As This".

I feel this is pivotal in our lives. My attitude must be one of trust and not despair. I must realize that God may be orchestrating events for a greater purpose than I can even imagine. He has promised to never forsake me. He has promised to bring about HIS perfect will in my life. His WILL may be different than what I THINK. So I lay myself before my God and say.......Lord I surrender. I surrender my hopes, my dreams, my will. THY WILL be done. If this is what you want....lead me into it with assurance and peace we are on the right path. Let us know quickly, what the next step is.

I have been attending a study on Esther. Esther had a decision to make, to choose what God wanted or choose what she wanted. She could approach the King and face possible death or choose not to and face annihilation. Her choice had great ramifications than mine does. However, I have a choice to make. I need to make the choice God wants. And for all I know God wants me to go back to work in this setting "For Such a Time as This". I do not know. BUT....I TRUST my LORD! I will pray.......I will seek God and I will take each step with great forethought and much prayer.

Technology Fast...aka trying to kick the Facebook habit

Ahhhh yes, I have discovered Facebook is fun and wonderful but it can be a trap. I am trying to kick my dependence on technology. Facebook, television, and the like tend to not only be a time stealer but a mind trap. There has to be a balance. However, in order to find the balance I must let the pendulum swing to the opposite side for a bit so I can kick my habit. So....I have decided to attempt to lay off facebook and tv for a bit. It is proving much harder than I anticipated. Today was day 1. I have not been that successful today but I am trying.

When and how did I become so dependent. I am not sure. It kind of crept up on me. But I do not want the only thing my children remember about their childhood is Mommy at the computer interacting WITH them BUT at the same time multi tasking with the computer. NOT good! I am a flawed person. We are all flawed. Facebook, myspace, technology offers an escape into a different world. A world where when you post a status report about being frustrated, you get an answer of support or sympathy or encouragement. It has become far too......addictive....not exactly the word......alluring......not the word either......but it is a trap for me. As I battle this, I realize my dependence on facebook entertainment, has taken away a lot. I no longer read like I used to. I don't play with the kids like I used to. I don't study the word of God or pray like I used to. I must break this. I must defeat this in my life to become a Proverbs 31 Mom.

It all started innocently enough, like most things that can take control of your life. But I AM the one who has to break it. NO ONE else can. Do I have to give it up entirely. No, not forever, but I do need to break the connection. However, if limiting myself doesn't work. I WILL break all ties with FB until I defeat this.

Take a peek into my day:

I get up and get the kids breakfast, lay out their clothes and then sit my rear in my desk chair and log in.

I monitor the dressing and tooth brushing from the chair. I encourage them, tell them they are doing a good job etc, but at at the same time.....I am telling "Sister Sue" who has posted she is struggling with doubt that I care and to hang in there". My child says Love you mommy, I say I love you baby and hug her and kiss her and head back for the chair.

The kids leave for school with lots of hugs and kisses.........BUT was I really THERE? WAS I PRESENT for THEM? Oh my Dear Lord ABOVE NO! I was distracted with the problems and concerns of others instead of focusing on my children. Did they get love and attention, yes, but they did NOT get ALL of me. Only a distracted, albeit loving Mommy, one whose attention was divided. WHEN....when did others people's problems become more important than giving my full attention to my children. I am ASHAMED. I am repentant and I am grieving because I never knew I could become this way. What will my children remember? Dear Lord please let them remember love...not mommy sitting at the computer between household tasks and homework. Let them remember a Mommy that takes them outside to look at the changing leaves.

Now my prayer:

Dear Lord Jesus

I am sorry for failing in the call you put on my life to be a wife and mother. The call you placed on me to mold these little souls to you. I love them. I love you. But I have been escaping from stress into a world that is only somewhat real. Yes the people are real, but so are my children. I can't let this go on. I give you my life Lord. I ask for forgiveness, for letting stuff just stuff come in between not only me and you but me and my family. Break me Lord, mold me. Help me Jesus to be all that you have called me to be. I give you my life Lord. I give you my heart, my mind, my body and my soul. I give you my family. I give you ME. I can not do this alone. I am baring my soul here and it hurts. I am sorry. I want to do better. Help me walk the way you have called me to walk.

Amen

Over the next week I am going to try to break my habits. I will be on Facebook on occasion and I will blog about this journey. Because quite frankly, I do not think I am the only one that struggles with this. I do not think I am the only Mom that finds comfort in facebook, blogs and the like. Motherhood is hard. Finding people online through facebook, blogs, mommy message boards is an escape from the stress. However, I need to go to the ONE, the only ONE who is to be my ONLY source.

While my children are far from neglected and ignored; they are getting only part of me. I must give them more of Mommy. I must let them have my undivided attention. So while my sweet 3 year old slumbers during her nap, I am going to my knees. I am praying God will give this flawed, imperfect mommy strength to live .....One day at a time.

So my blogging friends...take the journey with me. Help me and find in yourself those things that control your attention......we all have them....if we admit it. God bless you. More on Day 2..tomorrow.

Parenting

I belong to a message board created by moms for moms. It shocks me to no end the way these women tear each other apart over the simplest things. If one mom believes in spanking she is horrid. If she doesn't she is horrid. Every thing you do or say is called into question. God forbid if you believe in Jesus and say so. I have thus far been able to be a witness and keep objective and not play into the drama. Yet the way some people seemingly parent their children is shocking as well. If I teach my child faith and about the Lord then some criticize but they think they should be able to curse, drink, smoke marijuana etc in front of their children. It astounds me some of the views of parenting out there. If it feels good do it. Don't ever tell a child no. If your child is crying in a store remove them immediately and don't correct them and try to teach them to behave in a store. If you do remove them, some think you are horrid.

Parenting is hard work. You would think these women could support one another in this journey called motherhood. I answer some posts, but really, seriously I don't have a lot to add. The only reason I stay is because some have pm'd me and said that I am a positive voice. Not patting my own back, but sometimes it is hard not to react to some of their audacity. I try to say whatever I reply to, in a loving, kind manner. But really why can't we have compassion for each other in this journey called motherhood.

Our kids learn from us. If we are doing some of the things these women say they do, what are their kids learning? There are some really nice people there as well. It is astounding to watch though.

I pray I can be a positive voice in a crazy world whether it is an online message board or a real life community.

Dear Christopher

I am posting your birthday letter a day late. That's what happens when you are a grown up and one of your children is sick. Things you want to do get left undone while you focus on the sick one. You have had your share of illness over your 9 years, way more than your share. Yet, I can thankfully say it has now been over a year since you were last hospitalized desperately ill with asthma. You are growing, albeit slowly and have finally outgrown your size 4 jeans. Woo HOO! I have heard people complain about their children outgrowing clothing; I understand; but for me it brings me joy when you outgrow something.

Hopefully, this next year will bring great changes when insurance approves growth hormone for you. It will increase your appetite and strengthen your bones. The benefits far outweigh the side effect possibilities. We promise that we will always do what is best for you. If side effects become to much, then we will stop. BUT...we want to give you a chance to catch up with your classmates. They TOWER over you! Yet, there you are with your sunny, happy self not letting it stop you. You have amazing perseverance.

Your faith is so strong, so vibrant and so bright. Your compassion for others is precious. You are the type of son and parent would want. You are obedient and respectful. While you do have your moments, you do love to please others and obey. You do get into mischief or cantankerous from time to time. And I see glimpse of teen attitude from time to time as well. You my son make my heart smile.

You are a great big brother. Your sisters adore you and you adore them. You would protect them at all costs.

I have watched you grow in spirit and character this year far more than physical growth. Your bright mind sometimes gets ahead of you and your mouth too, but you try. Watching you in karate is amazing. You are serious and focused.

We love you son. You are a gift from God. He has great and mighty things planned for you. God has a purpose and a call on your life that even Daddy and I can not understand. Run the race my son. Keep fighting for God and what's right. Keep living life with the positive view you have. Keep believing in others and having compassion. Most of all Keep on loving Jesus the way that you do.

God bless you my darling son. WE love you.
Happy 9th Birthday
Mommy and Daddy

Still recovering

I have no stamina. I am still coughing. I still do not feel well. I have lost some weight. I am tired. I don't sleep well. I am sick and tired of being sick. I will be back to posting eventually, but right now I just don't have it in me.

Just when you think you are back on track...

with the blogging thing, something comes up....like Mommy getting sick with pneumonia and being basically useless for a week. Finally feeling better and on the mend. Being layed out on the couch while your kids and husband live around you is not really conducive to rest.....even if your eyes are closed. I now have to get my house back in order......it isn't too bad but still needs a mother's touch.

Hopefully, my brain will come up with some much more interesting topics over the next couple of days.

Horton Hatches an Egg

Today I read this to my son's class for read to succeed day. Now normally, I love Dr. Suess. But the bird in the story leaves her egg in the care of Horton who makes a commitment to sit on the egg no matter what and he means it 100 percent. Now I like the moral of the story that hard work and commitment pay off. But seriously, the mother bird goes off on vacation and decided to stay because raising her egg is too hard? Seriously? Then when she comes upon Horton and the egg hatches she wants it back. Now, I get the book is about Horton's dedication and that that pays off. The baby ends up looking like Horton and everyone is happy. But really what kind of message is it, that a mother bird would leave her baby cause it is too hard.

We have all felt the weight of motherhood and all it puts upon us. Yet, there is nothing in this world that would keep me from being there for my children, even when it's hard. I do get the story isn't about that, but when I read that part of the story aloud, my heart near about jumped from my chest in horror. Horton's adventures teach good moral lessons, like a person is a person no matter how small. This story is a good story. But my heart is troubled by the hidden message given by the mother bird. Seems to say that some mothers deem it too hard to be a mom and don't want anything to do with the child until all the work is done. I guess you do see that in real life. However, love, the message of true love was not shown. Horton I guess in a manner showed love, but it was more about his dedication. He sacrificed a lot to keep the bird safe, but it was out of duty more than love.

Don't get me wrong. I do like the story. The message about hard work and dedication in the face of adversity is a good one. However, should we not do those things not out of duty but out of love In the end Horton wants the bird too, but because of the hard work he put into it, and not necessarily because he loved the baby bird.

We must have dedication and commitment but without love we have nothing. I never knew a child's story book could put me in such a contemplative mood.

I think I like Horton hears a who better. He takes care of the Who's because he cares and believes a person is a person no matter how small. Despite the mayor not believing him, he perseveres and saves the Who's. The Mayor learns too. But in this story about the egg.....something is missing. I guess I should have read it before I read it to the kids. BUT...it was Horton...Dr. Suess....I thought surely nothing would be wrong with the book. I guess there wasn't per se, but it just troubled me about the mother's attitude and how it was presented in such a nonchalant way. The kids gasped and said "that's not nice" when I read that part. But they were happy with the ending. Still am I weird that this bothered me? LOL

Fly Little Butterfly Fly

Okay my friend over at It's Time for the Burkalater wrote a bog entry about her daughter's first day of kindergarten and the emerging of a butterfly they were taking care of on the same day. And well, it brought tears to my eyes as I thought of my own little Butterfly that started Kindergarten this year.

Here is the link: http://burkulater.blogspot.com/2009/09/kindergarten.html

As I read what she wrote, I thought about how my butterfly is soaring too. She not only had taken to Kindergarten like a duck to water......she is emerging into a beautiful little lady.

She has joined the Junior Forerunners at the River of Life Assembly of God. This is a drama dance praise and worship team at the church. They do drama like dance to praise and worship music. We had tried Junior Bible Quiz with her but it was not a fit for her. However, she has taken to this class and team like it was made for her. I am watching my baby soar and fly on fledgling wings as she learns a new way to worship her Lord. She comes back bubbly and excited and talking about Jesus and her class. Her leaders say she is doing well and she LOVES it and it shows. My baby is growing up. She leaves with the group from the church without Mommy and Daddy and we pick her up later. She does it "all by herself". My butterfly is flying and she is beautiful!

We are not Helpless and We are not Hopeless

Darlene Landreth from Chatanooga TN, spoke at our ladies meeting last night. It was powerful and it was awesome. God is our DADDY. We are HIS children. He did not create helpless children and HE gave/gives us hope. There is nothing formed against us that can stand. We are not bound by despair through Christ, because He is our burden bearer. He is our HOPE, our STRENGTH, our JOY. He IS!

As the power of God fell last night, I watched God do great and mighty things. I was blessed last night and God gave me a word for my children. I have really struggled as of late, with Christopher's eating, health, and growth issues. However, there is NOTHING the enemy has formed against my children that can tear them from the mighty hand of God. My children love God. My son and one of my daughters has given their hearts to Jesus at early ages. My other daughter is protected because she is not yet old enough to make that decision. Sure trials may come, and they may face things thrown in their path. BUT......He will not abandon them. He will not allow them to be crushed. My son WILL be healed. However, God impressed upon me that some of Christopher's issues and the desire to be free from them has to come from him. The Lord wants Christopher to decide if he is going to trust God with his eating or if he is going to let fear win. He is old enough to understand some of this. God has a great and mighty plan for my children. He has given them a destiny and a purpose. But they MUST CHOOSE to trust God. While they are young I am teaching them in the way that they should go. I must TRUST God to do the rest. I am going to put this on a level my son can comprehend and I am going to talk to him. I am going to explain that the reason he is not eating is not due to an illness. It is something Christopher has to decide within himself to do. We can't make him and God will not force him. God wants my son to TRUST him. As I ponder these thoughts, the burden I was feeling weighing heavy on my heart after last night's service has been lifted. Clarity has been given. My son is almost 9. He has accepted the Lord as his Savior. He is walking in the Spirit. So Christopher, must choose, not Mama, not Daddy, not Pastor David, not Oma, not Opa, not Pastor Minnick.....Christopher must decide if he trusts the Lord enough to help him with these issues. How I will explain it on his level; I am not sure yet. But God will give me the words. God has let me see this is not my battle and it is not Christopher's battle but it is the LORD'S battle. However, Christopher and myself must give the battle to him and not try to fight it ourselves.

My child will walk free from the fear of foods and change. My child WILL walk in health and strength for my son has been called for a great and mighty purpose yet to be revealed. My daughters WILL walk in Jesus all of their days. They will live pure and holy lives and walk into the destiny God has birthed within their hearts. As I watch my Hannah's zeal in the Forerunner program and see her love for worshipping the Lord.....I see a mighty worshipper for God. I see something in my daughter's eyes I can not explain. As I watch Jennifer, and her gift for making people laugh and smile.....I see the gifts God is placing in her. I choose to TRUST God with those purposes He has put in their hearts. HE will use those gifts for HIS glory.

The clarification is crystal clear today about what God wants in my children. My family will serve the Lord. My husband and I WILL walk in ministry. He has us in a place for now.....a place of waiting.....a place of growing........a place of basking........a place of learning.....but it is NOT a place of idleness. It is a place to minister where we are and in the tasks He has given us.

I must minister to my husband, my children, the little ones I watch and nurture what God is growing in each of them and I must guard my heart and let HIM grow in me what is trying to burst forth....because I am NOT HELPLESS and I am NOT HOPELESS. I am a woman God can use in many ways........IF I humble myself and bow my will and my way to HIM.

Children and faith

My kids have a deep sense of God and it awes me. The other day we were driving back from Walmart and Hannah said and I quote "Mommy if you have the Holy Spirit in your heart every day...you willl keep the devil away". I could not have said it better myself.

On the same ride Jennifer who I could see in the rear view mirror at the stop light......looked up.....stretched her wee hands toward heaven and said "Jesus come to me"......acted like she had something in her hands and hugged it to her and kissed it. Her brother said but Jennifer, Jesus has to live in your heart. Jennifer said "But I holds Him in my hands and wuvs Him".....well if we all held Jesus not only in our hearts but in our hands as well.....would we not have a better world?

Christopher's prayers are so deep, so precious, so faith filled I can't even put them into words. He loves his Lord with all his little heart, mind, body and soul.

They astound me. Their love for God, their deep faith......it blows me away. Yes we have taught them but it is their faith, their belief that is growing. God is doing a mighty thing in my children and I am awed and humbled. It is these moments that make life as a Mom easier. It is these moments that make the hard moments worthwhile.

I will overcome........

• Preschool angst of my 3 year old who is crabby today


• My out of sorts self.


• My messy house (it isn't good today).


• The fact we have NO money due to a banking error.


• My headache


• No energy


• Not sleeping


• The crayons my sweet daughter decided to stow away through out the house in several different hiding places.


• My fatness, lack of exercise.

I am a work in progress. I am trying so hard to change and let God change me. Today, I am struggling, yet again. I am frustrated with myself. I CAN do better but this week I have not had any energy or motivation. I have to push through. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I know that. I am trying.

How can a child Stall? Let me count the ways...

1. Put on sock




2. Adjust sock.




3. Get up do a little dance.




4. Wrestle with little sister's BIG Elmo




5. Put on 2nd sock




6. Adjust sock




7. Skate in the kitchen with socks




8. Take off jammies




9. Do a little dance in you underwear




10. Put on pants




11. Decide to check backpack




12. Skate some more in the kitchen




13. Put on shirt




14. Wrestle with BIG Elmo some more and annoy sister.




15. Walk around in circles singing a song




16. Go to bathroom to brush teeth but don't start yet




17. Make faces and googley eyes at self in mirror




18. Put tooth paste on brush




19. Do a little dance, break it on down.




20. Brush teeth




21. Swish water in mouth and do a whale spout with water




22. See if you can make a "basket" trying to toss toothbrush into cup for toothbrushes.




23. Do victory dance whether you make the "basket" or not.




24. Put on shoes




25. Check back pack again




26. Annoy sister again, beat up Elmo (get scolded for being mean)




27. Pout




28. Stomp around some (get corrected)




29. Realize Mama ain't PLAYIN




30. Suddenly......your ready

As the Deer

As the deer panteth after the water so my soul longeth after thee......

My Lord, my God and my King. I long for more of you. I want to spend more time with you; yet I let things, people, stuff get in the way. I NEED you. I can't do any of this alone. Why is it, we who love you, struggle so much to do what we should in spending time with you. I know people who talk about how much time they spend with you. It's like they never struggle, never leave you out, never put other things in the way. But these self same people judge me for what they see me lacking in. I try. My heart wants to spend time with my God.....but I let STUFF get in the way.

Tonight I sit here...having accomplished little of nothing today, even with the Lord and I am feeling sad and alone and tired and weary. It has just been one of those days. The sun will come up tomorrow and I will feel better. Yet in this moment........I want to cry out to God and let the tears flow but they will not come. There really is nothing to cry about, but I feel the need. Yet, some kind of dam holds them back.

I make plans for each day and rarely get them accomplished. I am really, truly PHYSICALLY exhausted ALL the time. I mean ALL the time. I know I need to get this checked. That takes money. My kids physical needs come first, between sinus infections, and asthma and check ups, the funds just haven't been there. So I am praying for a miracle. A miracle of energy and strength.

I have not lost what I gained at the conference, but today has just been a bad day. My God SHALL supply ALL my needs: physical, spiritual, emotional, mental.....so right now.......I wait......I wait upon the Lord .......longing for Him........to show me where to place my feet.

How I love him...let me count the ways

I don't tell my husband, Mike, often enough how much I love him for the following reasons:

1. He is a man who tries to follow God all of his days, just like me, he has imperfections. He makes mistakes just like we all do.
2. He adores me and treats me like his queen. He doesn't mind jumping in to help me when I am overwhelmed or just with daily tasks.
3. He is a good Daddy and has shown so much growth over the years as a father. He doesn't mind playing or being silly. He doesn't mind changing diapers (well he didn't..they are all potty trained now).
4. He is a hard worker and never lazy, does his best to provide for our family in this economy.
5. He has a passion for the gospel and sharing the gospel with others.
6. He does his best to live what he preaches.
7. He is cute.
8. He has a cute butt (yep, I said it but I am supposed to think that).
9. He has the deepest brown eyes in all the world. I still get lost in them.
10. He has the best hugs and kisses.
11. He is warm and cuddly and his arms feel safe.
12. He understands me.
13. He can make me laugh when no one else can.
14. He puts up with my moods.
15. He wants to improve and grow in the Lord.
16. When he makes mistakes he admits it and tries to correct it.
17. He cares about others and has compassion for his fellow man.
18. He encourages his children.
19. He helps me get the kids ready for each day.
20. He gives the BEST back rubs in the world.
21. He has character and integrity.
22. He is a very good preacher. I enjoy his sermons and am challenged by them.
23. He treats his parents and my parents with respect.
24. He is a God seeker.
25. He is my beloved husband and I could go on but the list would be so long. I love him just because God made him Mike and God gave him to me for a reason. I respect and honor him. I love my husband.

Mommy School

As Jennifer calls it is going so good. We are having so much fun! Built a sand castle today, went on a leaf hunt, drew with chalk, kneaded bread and so much more. She has also helped me clean house and just been such a joy. She is such a good little girl. She is fun to work with and teaching her is like play.

This afternoon we are going to make a leaf collage with the leaves we collected. I love being a Mom.

Hannah rode the school bus today and was thrilled. I was proud of me cause I didn't cry. Then too some kids at the bus stop were being rude and pushing in front of my little girl instead of waiting in line to get on the bus.

Falling on my Face

Falling on my face before my King

Must be a daily thing.

For if I don't fall before my King

I will fall for most anything.

Thelma S. Aug 20, 2009

I am a work in progress. As I seek transformation to being deeper in Jesus and closer to Him; I find myself struggling. Struggle....is not necessarily a bad thing. It breeds patience, and characther and perseverance. Only through these things can our Lord weed out those things in our lives that get in the way of Him or hold us back.

As soon as I came back from the conference, the enemy of our souls went on the attack. A virtual storm cloud has tried to camp out over me and the waves are high and the winds are strong but I will not give in. I want to do better, be better, live better, grow stronger, but it takes time and it takes work.

This is what the scripture means when it says work out your salvation with fear and trembling b because it is work. My God......my God is how I make it through.

Doubts, fears, judgements by others will fall by the wayside as long as I lean on Jesus. He is my fortress. and I love Him.

Sniff Sniff Sniff

tears leak into my heart because my babies are growing up too fast. Hannah started K today......and while I am so happy it is still bitter sweet. She was so happy and full of excitement in telling me about her partial day. They do not go full time until Friday. I have to remember to take my camera and get their pictures as they get on the bus.

I will post first day of school pictures later.

But I know my baby will still need me when the monsters hide under the bed.
She will still need me to kiss away boo boos and put a cool cloth on her fevered head.
My baby will still need me to hold her hand to cross the street or cut up her meat. My baby still needs me to hug her tight and prayers to help her sleep at night.
My baby still needs me to teach and guide her and I will gladly be there for every moment.

I love being a Mom.

The First Day of Kindergarten
I used to be so little, but not anymore,
Tomorrow I'll get up and walk out the door.
I'm going to Kindergarten-it's the first time for me.
It's great to be big, but I'm scared as can be.
My tummy's in knots. You want to know why?
I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe I'll cry.
When Mom leaves the school and I'm there alone,
I'm thinking that maybe I'll want to go home.
But wait - Mommy said I'll play lots of games,
And meet lots of friends - I can learn all their names.
The first day of Kindergarten, oh there's so much to do!
There's painting and books and a big playground too!
I used to be little, but not anymore.
Tomorrow I'll get up and walk out the door.
I'm going to Kindergarten - it's my first day, you see.
It's great to be big! I'm so glad that I'm me.
Author Unknown

Happy 1st Day of Kindergarten my sweet girl. Mommy loves you. I am so proud of you. You are precious. Love Mommy

Transformed Testimony 2009

Last year, I went to the Refreshing Women's Conference and that is exactly what happened. I was refreshed. My weariness was lifted. This year I arrived at the conference expecting great and mighty things as well. The first meeting I was tired, and weary and God did the refreshing part immediately. But He wasn't done yet. This is NOT what He brought ME to the conference for. I watched as my mother was gloriously blessed by God. I heard her laugh and smile and glow from a sheer and utter joy I have not seen in years. I watched as she saw visions and talked with the Lord in such an intimate way that all those witnessing the transformation taking place were blessed. I watched as she laid things down at the Savior's feet and as she laid them down, I watched as she received gifts from Him. Only she and her Lord know what but it was beautiful. However, this was not WHY I was at the conference.
I came to the conference and HE truly transformed me. There is something new within my soul. Something new within my spirit that I cannot even put into words. We talked about the butterfly during the conference, how the caterpillar goes into his cocoon and is transformed into a butterfly. But when you look at that caterpillar he is busy doing his caterpillar things. He is preparing to be cocooned, to be transformed. But his sight is limited. He can only see at ground level, or in the most from the top of the leaf he happens to be devouring. But the caterpillar has some issues. He is busy, he is doing what he was created to do, but too often what he is doing is destroying the plant he is living on. He is not destroying the plant intentionally but because he hasn't been transformed, he is limited. He is earth bound. But when he goes into his cocoon, changes take place and he begins a metamorphosis that will change HIS WORLD When he emerges, he is no longer earth bound, and he can see things and places beyond anything he can ever imagine.
When the Holy Spirit of God transforms us. We are no longer earth bound in the spirit. Our eyes are opened to a greater distance than ever before. We are free to soar to heights in God we could only dream of. We are free to be bold and do things in God we never did before. We are free to fly to find something besides leaves to eat. We can fly and find the vine, and take from the nectar of the fruits produced by THE VINE. We are free to spread beauty. And there is one more thing I have to say....a caterpillar once it becomes a butterfly.....it cannot be a caterpillar AGAIN! It is changed. What would happen if you took the wings off of a butterfly? It would be destroyed. But when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon it is irrevocably changed. When true transformation takes places lives are changed, hearts are changed, families are changed our world is changed. When the Holy Spirit of our Lord moves in and we are transformed we are irrevocably changed. NOTHING I said NOTHING can remove us from Him. Does it mean life will be easy....no it means we are equipped to soar above what the enemy has thrown at us. It means we have waited upon the Lord and He has renewed our strength and He has helped us SOAR. It means that every time we get tired, we have learned that waiting in His presence gives us what we need. When we are transformed......we are no longer satisfied to sit by and live off of leaves......we want the nectar of what the Holy Spirit has to offer. What we ladies received at this conference was transformation for such a time as this because the fields are white unto harvest.....and we are READY.......to labor.

Transformed

This is what I am going to be doing this weekend, being transformed by the mighty hand of God. Once a year I go on a ladies conference and it always comes just as I need it most. So excited to see what all of us are going to experience, when we meet God there. Woo Hoo

Update on Miya

The little girl I keep with Alagille's syndrome (sp? I never get it right). She has gained weight and is almost 20 lbs...the requirement for transplant. Some days she has really good days...others not so much. She does however seem to me be having more troubles than when I first started keeping her 6-7 months ago. Her eyes are deeper yellow. Her itching is worse, so bad she claws herself to the point of bleeding at times. She will scratch at her tummy where her Mickey is until she bleeds. Her personality is bubbly but some days she doesn't have the energy.

She is talking more and walking now. I wish I could make her comfortable. She and I are closely bonded and my kids adore her. Her breathing is often watery sounding and rapid. She is hanging in there...the little angel wears boxing gloves cause she is a fighter.

I am BAAAAAAAAAAACK and IMPORTANT question

At least I think I am. We had a good vacation, although our plans were drastically changed due to Jennifer getting sick just before vacation with tummy virus and then croup and an ear infection. We ended up going much closer to home and doing a vacation and some staycation. She has not been eating well since her illness. We are hoping she gets back to normal soon.

Now after reading some things recently on Facebook and CafeMom I am trying to make some decisions. I don't often post pictures of my kids but I do post some. I enjoy posting pictures but seems like people can easily steal photos and use them for scams and other activities those pictures were never meant to be used for. Where is the balance of trusting God but using wisdom?

There is a case where a mom found out her child's photo was used in an internet adoption scam without her knowledge. That freaks me out. Someone used a photo of her child from her blog to say this little boy was for adoption, made up fictious story etc and extorted money. So....What should one do? Should one live in fear of the what if's or should one post pics here and there but far away or side shots etc.

So tell my blogger readers what would you or do you do?

Vacation

We are going to be on Vacation from July 22 - 29th. This is our first FAMILY VACATION EVER! I am so excited. Going to VA and doing day trips into Washington DC and to the beach etc. Don't worry, you know I will take lots of pictures!

oh and had to addd just one more photo due to cuteness:

see ya when we get back and then I will have lots to catch up on.

Where is Sumo

Okay 3 years ago my son had a pet siamese fighting fish. He loved that fish. Watched it, fed it, promised that he was "training it". Anyway one day he came to me and asked why his fish was floating on it's back? Well, we had to flush Sumo. My son greived and held a funeral for it and prayed "Our Father which are in heaven" was very cute.



Anyway, I have not thought of Sumo in a long time. Sumo has been nowhere on my radar.



Yesterday he says:



Mom do you know where Sumo is?

I said: Sumo?

He said: Yes my fish.

I said: "No Christopher, where is Sumo"

He said: "Swimming in the River of life, next to the golden streets in heaven"...



LOL......a little red fish swimming in the river of life, that is some picture.

The Puke Monster

It visited our home today and attacked my 3 year old. She started feeling sick yesterday but today it hit full force. Poor wee girl puked and puked and then puked some more. Pheniergan did NOT work. So gave her Zofran...that finally worked with lots of prayer. She has slept most of the day off and on. But is peeing so not dehydrated.....but this morning she was getting there.

I hate the puke monster because it makes me sick too. I can handle most anything, blood, icky poops, but puke....nope makes me want to pass out. I am seriously praying the others do NOT get it.

Dear Jennifer

3 years ago today you came into our lives and graced us with the gift of another daughter. From the moment we found out your were on the way, we knew you were a miracle. Your little brother or sister had been lost just before we conceived you and our Father in heaven heard our plea and Graced us with you....thus your middle name is Grace. When you were born.....you had some problems and the doctors thought you would end up in NICU and we began calling people to pray. The doctor came in and said...."I was really worried about your baby but SUDDENLY she began to improve, you can keep your baby with you". Well my sweet girl, SUDDENLY means prayer works.

This year you have grown so much, learned so much and now go in the potty. You have such a positive outlook on life. You see joy in everything you do. Your answer to why you are cute, or how you know stuff or how anyone knows anything is Jesus did it. You love Jesus. Your prayers are so sweet and poignant. You have such great faith for one so young.

You adore your brother and sister and want to be just like them. You try to do exactly what they do. Your pouty moments are few and far between but when they happen they are still so cute. You are a charmer. Your bright blue eyes are full of light.

My sweet girl we are so thankful for you. We praise God you have such a loving, giving personality and that your first thought when someone is not feeling well is "wet us pway Mama" (let us pray). Thank you for being you. Thank you that even in your naughty moments you are quick to repent and say sorry.

We love you sweetie.
Mommy and Daddy

King of Kings

Today as I watched part of the coverage of Michael Jackson's funeral I was blown away by some of the comments made and not made by speakers, reporters and the like.

First off on the today show someone was speaking about MJ and how he was a king and how he did so much to give all his love for the world and did much to "heal" the world. Okay.....he did open some pathways for musicians that never would have been opened. But to heal the nations.....NO....there is only one way the nations will be healed....the Word says

2 Chronicles 7:14 KJV


If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray , and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

They talked about the good works he has done....but good works does not guarantee you a place in heaven....only accepting Jesus as your Savior saves you soul. Do good works 24/7 and you still can not earn your way to heaven.

The pastor of the family said he was part of a family, a brother, a father, the world of fans etc..but never once could he say he was part of the family of God.

I turned the station before it was over because the building up of a man to a god like status was quite frankly making me ill. Don't misinterpret what I am saying...I grew up listening to some MJ music......and it is sad he died so suddenly. But he was a MAN.....a mere MAN. Jesus is the one and ONLY KING....He alone can HEAL the world...

The turn out for MJ.....saddened me....Jesus could come and no one would show up.....well you know what I mean. When Jesus was crucified....masses of people turned up crying out crucify Him....crucify Him....when these self same people weeks before sought Him out for miracles and healing and who knows what else. His own disciple denied Him. Yet a mere man, who could dance, sing, and for lack of better terminology grab his crotch and dance dies......people turn out in droves.....sell their most beloved possessions just to attend his funeral...where he will stay dead for eternity. Those who accept Jesus will LIVE for eternity.

But Jesus who can give them eternal life and who is not dead....they turn away.

So what am I trying to say.....pray friends pray....we live in a sinful fallen nation who would rather sing the praises of a pop star whose voice will fade instead of serving the KING who can save their soul and give them a life they can never imagine. MJ was not Jesus......he was a sad, lonely man who turned to drugs to make his life bearable. He died alone and in pain and captive to his addictions.....and that my friends is sad. Most likely...although we don't know for sure he will spend eternity in a place filled with pain and sorrow apart from God. From some accounts he was alienated from his family and lost in a world of drugs and sorrow. Yes, his family loved him. Yes, it is sad MJ died. He did some good things. He sang well and entertained the world over but he dies alone and probably afraid in what was happening to him. However, did anyone.....did one person in his life EVER tell him Jesus loved him and that there WAS a REAL answer to all his heartache and pain. It makes you wonder.

I have a headache

One that does not want to go away. The kids are not being loud but it sure sounds like it in my head. Also discovered today the cheap brand of gummy candy thingies my husband and son picked out....had way too much sugar because all 3 of mine were literally bouncing off the walls with hyperactivity. My kids are not normally that hyper but today.....oh my word!

I told my husband I am going to load the kids up on them the Friday I leave for our ladies retreat and leave him with the kids....just kidding of course but it IS tempting. And for all those researchers that say it is impossible for sugar to cause kids to be hyper were NOT in my house today. My Jennifer is usually laid back, easy going, calm,cool and collected. After her nap they got said gummies and within half an hour they were so hyper they could NOT contain themselves. My friend I babysit came to pick up her son and said "I have NEVER seen Jennifer this hyper". I haven't either for that matter.

She has finally chilled but my head is throbbing. It is too early to put them to bed if I want them to sleep in...so here I sit...trying to get my mind off my head...not so easy. I am going to try and eat a little something and perhaps drink a soda as maybe I haven't had enough caffeine. (Trying to cut back).

I can't take anything except tylenol due to allergies and the fact I prefer to be conscious when my kids are in the house with me alone.......as heavier meds make me comatose and I am allergic to asprin, ibouproufen and motrin......so I just manage.

okay enough whining......now to convince my kids to talk in baby whispers.

Thank God we live in Freedom cause Freedom isnt Free

My kids saying the pledge and singing the national anthem...these were not taken on the fourth...but back in June but they seemed appropriate for the weekend we celebrate the freedom of our country.

Keeping Miya Today

She has been rather fussy and miserable with the itching. One of the many things that she has to face due to her Alagille's Syndrome. She is up to 18 lbs now....2lbs away from the transplant list. Although I do see some some negative changes since I first started keeping her. To my untrained eyes..her abdomen seems more distended and her jaundice in her eyes is much more pronounced. She also itches more than she did when I first started keeping her. She scratches so hard sometimes she makes herself bleed. I have to keep long pants (lightweight cotton since its summer) to keep her from clawing herself. She also has bumps under her skin.....in many more places than a few months ago.....I dont know if it is scarring from her scratching or part of the syndrome. Her mommy is expecting another baby girl. I don't know the chances of the syndrome being present in the new baby or even if it can be detected on ultrasound...I would gather it isn't detected until after a child is born.

Miya goes to a special daycare for kids with medical, developmental and other special needs. They were closed today due to the holiday.

Some positive improvements with Miya:

1. She will now allow some foods and a small amount of liquid in her mouth...she proved it to me today..but not enough to even begin to sustain her and keep her liver functioning at the current rate.

2. She has gained weight and some height.

3. She is walking on her own now.

so progress is progress. She is so precious and we love her. My kids love the days we have Miya. They tend to spoil her.

If Jesus were interviewed

(I am sure there are things written like this..but this has been on my mind lately and it is my version....I am sure if I sat down, I could come up with more but for now this will do. But can you imagine how HE would be questioned aggressively and how Jesus would answer with a soft answer full of love and patience to every thing thrown at Him. My little "interview" in no way even touches the surface of how He would be treated or what He would be asked.)


on the Today show:

Jesus welcome to the Today show We are glad you could make it.

Jesus: Your welcome.

interviewer: Do you really think your message is relevant today and accepting of all?

Jesus: I came to seek and save that which was lost. Salvation is always relevant.

interviewer: What makes you think we are lost

Jesus: Anyone who denies me and my Father is lost. We created you to have communion with us.

interviewer: But doesn't that exclude people, faiths, beliefs?

Jesus: No,my word is clear....whosoever will may come. I accept all.

interviewer: but even some of the higher religious people don't accept you or your message how do you respond to their criticism.

Jesus: They are broods of vipers, the outsides looks nice and clean but on the inside they are vile and wicked and filled with filth. And they will be cast away.

interviewer: But why are YOU the only answer

Jesus: my beloved because I am the only one who gave His life and blood for all...not just some...not just the "righteous" not just the rich...not just the acceptable in society but all who choose to accept my gift.

interviewer: Are you worried about people not accepting your view and viewing you as outdated?

Jesus: No, my word is living and true...nature declares my works...the sound of a baby's laughter...the majesty of the mountains....everyone will be without excuse when they face me in judgement.

interviewer: What gives you the right to judge anyone

Jesus: I am the alpha and omega....without me there is no remission of sins....I gave my very life so that all could be set free from death, hell and the grave.

interviewer: How is it then that you send say good people will not make it to heaven?

Jesus: Being good does not clear one from sin's penalty. All have fallen short of the glory of God....all have sinned.....there is no one without sin and they need to be washed of that sin because my Father can not be with sin and I came to abolish sin's hold. The gift is free.....but one has to accept it first.

interviewer: but if you created the world as you say why throw away your creation into the pit, why not just let everyone in.

Jesus: Because my beloved...sin can be no part of heaven and when man sinned he cut the communion of man and God....he defiled it and thought himself better than his own creator's decrees. I set up those decrees for a purpose so myself and mankind could always be in harmony but when man sinned he violated that harmony by usurping himself above the very one who created him and breathed life into him.

interviewer: thank you for coming today....we our out of time, do you have anything else you want to say

Jesus: simply I love all of mankind to every corner and ever nation and every valley and every mountain of this world...I bid them come unto me for I have the answer if they will but see my love for them....they can be free
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now in your reply put some of the questions and answers you think there would be....

Wordless Wednesday:Daddy's Love Keeps Me Safe

The meaning of our names

The Blog the Monster Wrangler...see my side bar...started me thinking about the meaning of our names....so I will list them and their meanings.

My husband does not have a middle name but his name is

Michael: meaning "who is like God"

My names: Thelma: will or wish
Inez: chaste


Our oldest: Christopher: bearer of Christ
Michael: who is like God


Our Middle: Hannah: grace, favour
Rose: rose(just what it says)

Our youngest: Jennifer: White, fair, smooth
Grace: good will


Christopher has an incredible since of who he is in God and loves Jesus and has more faith than I can even describe.

Hannah is full of grace and is a sweet rose of sweetness and all about being a girl who likes her flowers.

Jennifer is our fairest child (in coloring)...our tiniest child, dainty and sweet...she is also the one who God's good will brought us after the loss of a child to miscarriage...His grace...if you will gifted us with her.

I find this incredible that their names fit them to a T!

Status Report

Status Report -
Sitting… at my desk thinking about what to make for lunch.

Snacking…not snacking...I am being good.

Listening…to 94.1 FM on Fish Radio Online.(dkradio.com)....good Christian music.

Wondering… what in the world I am giving the kids for lunch.

Also wondering...if I can get it all done and have naptime at a decent time

Also wondering times two… if all the kids will cooperate with naptime.

Reading...A New Leaf A Cape Light Novel by Thomas Kincade and Katherine Spencer

Glad…I have joy in the journey

Tired…not to bad today

Wishing…I had some extra bucks for our vacation

Ignoring…the fly the kids let in...it is annoying.

Enjoyed....reading with my kids this morning.

Planning my daughter's third birthday party

Thinking… she can't really be turning 3.

Also thinking…my kids are growing up way to fast.

Feeling… that my Lord has blessed me mightily.

Remembering… that I really need to figure out what to serve besides cake and icecream at the party


Realizing… that this birthday will be bitter sweet...my last child is turning from a baby to a preschooler.

Ending this post…with a smile because my kids are being cute and sweet with each other.

No Drain

Last night I had a dream about Jesus. There was a bunch of people kneeling at the cross, all ages, races, shape and sizes. They were all praying. As I watched the scene, Jesus, up in the heavens spoke and said "I am high and lifted up and my train fills the temple". He paused and people continued to pray. He then said "I want you to notice there is no drain at the vine". I woke up a few minutes later with the dream and what He said stuck in my brain.

I have pondered my dream and will continue to do so. However, the only thing I can think of in its meaning is that He died once for all. His life's blood drained out...there is no need for Him to shed His precious blood again. He is the vine, there is no need for a watering source or an overflow drain near the vine because He is the life source of the vine and His life is sufficient for all and is eternal. It does not drain away and there is never too much.

I am still thinking and pondering this dream because it was so vivid and so poignant it has stuck with me. I can see all the people praying before the cross of Calvary. I can see my Lord HIGH and LIFTED up arms outstretched over the people. I can feel the love of the Savior at the cross and I am awed at the cross and the Vine.....the true Vine our life source........and that life source when we plug in.....never, ever drains away.

My life in numbers

• Thanks to one of my favorite blogs over at It's time for the Burkulater for the idea: http://burkulater.blogspot.com/
  
  
  just making it my own.
  
  
  
• 1 -time my child peed in the floor because she didn't have the potty seat insert despite the fact she can sit on the potty without it. She insisted she needed it so she stood there and wet instead of getting on the potty.

• 14 - number of stairs needed to climb to get said potty seat....which I did not do. and informed her she will have to go on the big potty without the insert if she leaves it upstairs. She can do it when we are out...she can do it at home.

• 35-Number of times I have said clean up this room.

• 1213-number of times my children have said Mommy...Mommy....Mommy despite me answering them and letting them know I am listening and looking at them in the eyes to show them I am interested in what they are saying....Mommy...mommy mommy numeruos times in succession does not make me hear you better.

• 10-number of times my son has told the story of him killing a fly (look out Obama you have competiton).

• 3-number of blessings my husband and I have that are in human form.

• 25- number of items I need on my grocery list and that is a conservative guess.

• 125- amount of dollars I have to get said groceries which means something will be left off.

• 1/2 - amount of my cup of coffee I have actually been able to drink today.

• 30-minutes of exercise I am planning today since I don't think I am going to the Y today.

• 6- loads of laundry I need to do today...yes, I am behind.

• 45-minutes I have wasted on here talking about what I need to do today instead of getting up and actually doing it.

that about sums it up for now.

Tears like Rain

Tears like rain fall from my heart
and I feel like I am falling apart.
I feel so alone and lost in despair
and that my heart can not repair.
the enemy attacks are cruel and mean
and the wounds can not be seen.

Tears like rain falling to the ground
making rivers of agony all around
Tears like rain draining my life
my heart filling with strife

Then in steps my Lord with His precious love
collecting my tears in a bottle from above.
He moves in to the storm and speaks peace be still
rest in the comfort of my will
I have plans for every part of your being
even when it seems hurt is all you are seeing
Tears like rain might fall for a season
but each tear is for a reason
They water the ground of your soul
bringing you peace and making you whole

Tears like rain fell before He went to the cross of Calvary
and then He died to set all mankind truly free
Tears like rain fall when He sees how we treat our sisters and brothers
how unkind people are to others

Tears like rain fill my heart
because after the sorrow joy will fill my every part.
His promises are yes and amen
and He heals us again and again
Tears like rain wash me clean and anew
refresh my soul so I can fulfill what You have called me to do.
(copyright June 25, 2009)