My time is over...

or may be over....that is my time as a stay at home mom may be coming to an end. There is much change afoot in our household. Changes that promise to be good but changes all the same. I knew I would eventually have to go back to work in order to pay student loans. However, this may come sooner than anticipated due to possible changes, good changes with hubby's employment. I have mixed feelings. Jennifer will benefit from Pre-K and craves school like a duck craves water. There is a possibility I could work in a Pre-K, get discounted childcare and be able to work with children. However, I wish I could afford to be a sahm well into the children's teens. We are not doing this, if it happens JUST to have more money, but to be responsible and good stewards of what God has given us. I hope, if I have to work to only work mainly during my children's school hours. Time will tell. For now, I must pray, that I am ready and willing to do what God is calling me to do........"For Such a Time As This".

I feel this is pivotal in our lives. My attitude must be one of trust and not despair. I must realize that God may be orchestrating events for a greater purpose than I can even imagine. He has promised to never forsake me. He has promised to bring about HIS perfect will in my life. His WILL may be different than what I THINK. So I lay myself before my God and say.......Lord I surrender. I surrender my hopes, my dreams, my will. THY WILL be done. If this is what you want....lead me into it with assurance and peace we are on the right path. Let us know quickly, what the next step is.

I have been attending a study on Esther. Esther had a decision to make, to choose what God wanted or choose what she wanted. She could approach the King and face possible death or choose not to and face annihilation. Her choice had great ramifications than mine does. However, I have a choice to make. I need to make the choice God wants. And for all I know God wants me to go back to work in this setting "For Such a Time as This". I do not know. BUT....I TRUST my LORD! I will pray.......I will seek God and I will take each step with great forethought and much prayer.

Sweet prayers

Today I went to a ladies Bible Study at my church. The church we have been attending not the one Mike is interim pastor at. Anyway, at noon the nursery workers bring the children to the moms if the service hasnt quite let out. We were up front praying for people's needs. Jennifer came to me and I was holding her in my arms still praying for people. She herself, began laying her hands on people and praying for them. She'd mutter something with a serious look on her face and say amen. Eat some of the cookie she had in her hand and pray some more. What a picture of trust and love of God. She may be only 2. But she understands in her own way, you pray for others. I think she believes she will get an asnwer. She lifted her hands towards heaven and praise the Lord too. What more beauty does a Christian mom want to see than the faith of her child growing by leaps and bounds. I am blessed beyond belief.

Scriptures for Today

From time to time I post scriptures that have specific meaning for me that day. So today, is one of those days. I have a scripture box that I can pull scripture cards from. On one side is a scripture, on the other, a prayer. I am going to list a couple that touched my heart today. A day I am tired and weary. A day, that the burdens of life seem to be overwhelming me in the light of bills, problems with my son's eating issues and more. So here are my scriptures for today, may they minister not only to me, but to someone else.

"Cast they burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain the: He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.". Psalm 55:22

The prayer on the card: Our Trust is in Thee, O God. Let us never give in to discouragement.

My thoughts: I did give into discouragment this morning where my son's eating issues, due to his sensory disorder is concerned. I really think part of his problem is all in his head. He thinks he will have a problem so he does not even try. In, my sleep deprived state (the baby didn't sleep well). I gave him pears instead of fruit medley. He ate his toast but did not touch the fruit. I asked him what was wrong, he said "that's not medley, its pears". I for the first time in my life, tried to force him, I am ashamed. I did get some pears on his lips but of course not in his mouth. Then I smacked him and yelled. And honestly I really have had it. HE has to decide to eat. I can't make him. Although, today I tried. When I saw his face I was ashamed. I promised myself I would NEVER EVER do that. Today, I reached a limit I didn't know I had and I tried to force him. Did it help? No, of course not. We were both in tears and I had to calm down before I could speak to him. I said I was sorry for losing my temper, held him, rocked him and cried with him. Then we prayed. I prayed over him that God would heal his mind so he will eat and prayed much more. I need to cast this burden on the Lord. It is too heavy for me. I can't deal with it anymore. I am tired of the eating issues. I usually just leave it up to him and he goes hungry. I am tired of him going hungry when he has a perfectly acceptable choice in front of him. If he would just TRY. So I must cast this burden on my Lord. Cause I can't do this anymore. No one will help him cause it isn't a learning disability. We can't afford therapy for this disorder, like he used to get. So we only have the answer of Jesus. He is the One and only One that can do this. I am done, I surrender.

"The Lord is my strength and song, and He is become my salvation."
Exodus 15:2

the prayer: Lord, order my steps today. Make me strong, not for the sake of possessing strength, but to make me sufficient for the crisis moments in my life and in the lives of others who reach out to me.

My thoughts: I need His strength. I can't live this life without Him. I need his strenght to face our financial needs and burdens. I need His strength not to worry about not having children to babysit to help the income. I need His strength to deal with the baby not sleeping, Christopher not eating and Hannah going through this jealous mean stage with Jennifer. I can't do it alone. I am weak but He is strong.

"Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord they God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Joshua 1:9

the prayer: When I feel alone, Father, help me to remember that you are with me and I have nothing to fear.

my thoughts: Even though somedays are overwhelming and my son's needs seem like a huge mountain, I am not alone. When I feel most alone, He is with me. I don't have to fear my son will never be normal. God will heal him. And one day I will look back and see what God has done.

Why I chose a Rainbow

The Rainbow is a sign of God's promises. He promised Noah to never flood the whole earth again was the original sign of the rainbow. But to me the rainbow speaks of more of God's promises. The rainbow always comes after a rain or a storm. In our lives when we are going through hard times, we can know that somewhere there is a rainbow. That His promises are new every morning. In a world filled with bad news, politics that turn ugly, wars, the need for our soldiers to come home to their families, poverty, government waste of our resources, all manners of evil things people to do to each other, hunger that goes unresolved and so much more; we need some rainbows. I have to watch world events now, trusting God has the answers because in all I see there are no answers apart from Him. No one seems to have any answers as to how to make our world a better place, more caring, more compassionate, and more understanding of our fellowman. People are so busy trying to push agendas, make money, spend money or solve conflicts they have no real idea about they forget about compassion. In a world where hearing about bombings, earthquakes or murders is just another day of news, we need some rainbows. People are attached to every news story. People's lives are being torn apart and we spend far to much time judging them or trying to do armchair resolutions to the issues. We don't get involved, we don't pray and we often have forgotten the latest news story by the time the next show comes on. Instead, what I need to do is pray for my government, the Lord knows they need some divine help. I need to pray for the people whose lives have been changed in catastrophic ways. I need to pray for people, yes, Brittney Spears. Has anyone ever taught her how to be a mother? Does anyone love her for who she really is on the inside, the lost little girl? Does anyone care that she probably cries herself to sleep at night, grieving for the life she can't control and can't get ahold of? Has anyone really tried to help her without judgement or taking pictures? She needs a rainbow. She needs love and compassion. I see so many stories that if these people just had some love, compassion and tender loving care, perhaps their lives would be better. It is easy to judge the events of the world and know how you would do it better, but it is harder to have compassion in the circumstances to pray for those involved. I too am guilty of judging and assumptions when I should be down on my knees praying for these people. God forgive me for not praying. Maybe we can be makers of rainbows by spreading some love, compassion and prayers around. God will honor that. When we humble ourselves and pray, He will heal our land. That is what the word says. All I know is we have a war where people are dying, on both sides of the conflict and all those people need prayer. We seem to have a government run amuck with no answers to problems here or abroad and they all need prayer. As I watch the candidates line up for 2008, I have no idea who I will vote for at the moment. But I can pray. I can pray that God will somehow bring about a change that will help and not hurt. A change that will be lasting and beneficial for everyone and not just the wealthy. So I plan to spread some rainbows, even if it takes shedding some tears while I am on my knees in prayer.