Sunday, November 30, 2008

Drug Induced Depression

Christopher has been on Singulair about 3 weeks. I have been noticing lately he was weepy, belligerent, argumentative, depressed, sad and just all around seemed to have lost his joy. He is a bubbly, bright joy filled child most of the time. But coinciding with the start of Singulair we have noticed a change in is behavior and mood. When he got this tummy virus we noticed he was not his normal take it like a trooper self and was not bouncing back easily. So I did some research.

It seems that in some children, this medication can cause

. stomach pain
. depression
. anxiety
. behavior changes
. mood changes
. and even suicidal thoughts (Christopher did not have this).

The effects worsen as the medication is taken on a daily basis. I can NOT imagine how depressed my child would have become had we not caught this. He was like he was in another world at times. We stopped the drug on Friday. We are already seeing a difference to a small degree and his tummy virus is leaving too. The mood has been a factor since BEFORE the tummy virus. His mood is better and his sparkle is beginning to come back.

I wish I had done some research on this medication when it was given. I don't think I'd have tried it had I known there are as many negative reports as there are out there. Many doctors do not acknowledge these side effects. Some do but I do not want to wait to have a doctor verify it. My son was so depressed he was crying at the smallest things. He looked sad. His body language was sad. It hurt to seem him so sad. I even asked his teacher last week was anyone bullying him or was anything happening. She said no. He was also having trouble focusing in school and on homework. Unusual for him. He loves school, not lately. So I am hoping this will be the factor. I do believe it will because as I said, I have already seen some change.

From my research, some families even had to get their children medicated/and or into counseling before they realized it was the singulair. They stopped the singulair and within days their children began to go back to how they were before the meds. Apparently id does not happen with every child. But for those it does happen to, it is awful.

I hope this was our answer. I am glad God gives us the Mommy gut feelings when something is wrong. In any case I am waiting to get my happy, go lucky little boy back to normal.

Oh and this medication can also lower ones resistance to illness and make it take longer to get better. So it also explains why Christopher has been so sick with the simple tummy flu......well it helps explain it.

Friday, November 28, 2008

It has been a long, LONG day

We ended up taking Christopher in to the doctor. Since last Friday, he has been throwing up and running fevers off and on. One day good and another not. Sometimes it was from hour to hour different. He looks very frail and is very tired. He has been crying in pain and having to run for the bathroom a lot! Yesterday, he could not eat barely a thing. Today the same. We took him in and they ordered an abdominal xray. Which praise God did turn out okay. IF he does not improve by Monday then we will take him back and have further testing. For now, I am trying to push fluids and per dr orders let him eat whatever he feels like he can eat. He was 35 or 36 the dr's office he was 33 but that was fully clothed. He looks VERY frail and you can see his bones even more than normal. The quest for the xray was horrid. First we were sent to one place and unknown to the dr, they were closed. Then sent to another and they did not take our insurance. Finally sent to children's hospital's diagnostic imaging center in Nashville, 30-45 min away. It was stressful. The report was good but my son is still suffering.

Because of his severe allergies, we can not give him ensure or other nutrient rich formulas often given to children with weight issues. He also has oral sensory issues and when he is sick these become more pronounced from his fear of throwing up. The fight to keep him healthy is taxing at times. Because of his asthma and daily inhaled steroids meds his immune system tends to have to fight harder. Add in his poor diet due to allergies and sensory issues and it is a problem.

He asked for burger tonight and fries. He ate a small amount and now feels nauseous so I have to give the nausea meds.

We are believing God for a miracle. Right now his biggest need is getting over this virus. But we also need God to heal him from his oral sensory issues. His limited diet is a detriment to him, add in the severe food allergies and I am at my wits end. God alone can do this. My son looks like death warmed over. He is usually a very active, energetic joy filled boy. Right now he is just too tired and weak to do his usual antics. It makes me realize how many times lately, I tell him to hush or be still when all he is doing is being an 8 year old boy and right now I wish he had the energy for those usual antics.

I am trying to keep a record of what is going on with him and may blog from time to time as we wait for his miracle. As in the movie, Facing the Giants...........I am preparing for RAIN while my little boy fights his Goliaths.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Best EVER Turkey Recipes

Turkey Done Right, according to my children:

Christopher's Recipe:

Get an 18 inch 100 lb turkey
Put some seasonings, garlic and cheddar cheese on it.
Take it to Oma's and Opas
Cook @ 300 degrees for 8 hours.

Hannah's Recipe:

Get a 14 lb turkey
Put juice in it and brown seasoning
Put in the oven on 16 degrees.
Cook for 14 hours, 14 minutes and 14 seconds
Cook until brown
Take it to Oma's and Opa's and eat it.

Jennifer's Recipe:

Get a high turkey.
Put M&M's on it.
Cook it for 2 minutes on 8 minutes HOT.
Eat with Papa

There you have it folks the best turkey recipes known to man kind.

Now aren't we glad we left the cooking to the grown ups this year and are very THANKFUL the kids are NOT allowed to touch the oven.

Happy Thanksgiving! My pies are done, my cookies are done, my mac and cheese is done, my corn is done, my bread is done and we are about to take it all over to the in-laws for thanksgiving dinner. God is good all the time and all the time God is good.

Giving Thanks

Giving thanks for the Lord's abundant love
for a Savior sent from above.
Giving thanks for blessings untold
as His plans for our lives unfold.
Giving thanks for a God serving man
who seeks to fulfill God's plan.
Giving thanks for a sweet little boy
whose life sparkles with unbridled joy.
Giving thanks for a precious little girl
who lives live in a giggling whirl
Giving thinks for our baby girl so dear
who faces life with laughter and no fear.
We have shelter in which to live
food on our table, and so much love to give.
We may not have riches beyond compare
but we have abundant love and life to share.
We may not have worldy fame
but a Savior who always remains the same.
Our treasures are not of this earth
but brought by a Savior born of a humble birth.
Giving thanks should be done throughout the year
as we raise our praises for the King to hear.
My heart is overflowing with God's abundant grace
and I pray I will please Him as I run the race.
So to my Lord, my Master, King of my heart
thanks for so many blessings you lovingly impart.

Thelma S. November 27, 2008

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Does it all boil down to Family Time?

Mike works 3 jobs. Full time at the air center, part time at Walgreen's (two nights a week) and preaches Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights as interim pastor at a local church The kids and I attend a different church when I am working the nursery because it is a paid position. The church we go to also has programs for the kids to be involved in. The church Mike is filling in at has NO kids, no kids programs and all older congregants. We attend with Mike when I am not keeping the nursery on Sundays. Wednesday nights the kids have their clubs at church they attend.

So, that being said, Christopher has really not been wanting to go to school lately. Even today, although he was better, he did not want to go back. He was so hesitant about school; I asked him if anyone is bullying him. He denies it. He did not want to discuss what was bothering him. Finally, on the way to school he burst into tears and said

"I just want time with my family". His tears and sorrow were so real it was beyond description. He sobbed hard. I could not stop the car so we just talked. He said he does not get to be with us enough, which is true with the schedule. Mike when he is home 2 nights a week is tired and we have NOT been doing family time. Saturdays the only real day off, is filled with errands. So, can it all boil down to this? Christopher says what he misses most is time with Daddy. He feels like he never sees Daddy anymore.

We have let it slide, because the schedule is so tight, Mike has to prepare sermons and to be honest by the end of the day I am tired and have not been pushing the family time. We tend to turn on the TV. So, my solution is to change some things.

Tuesdays, starting today, we will turn OFF the TV before the kids bed time and do some fun family activities. We have not stopped praying with our children BUT we have not done real family time, sit down together, do something fun kind of family night in a long time. So, can it really all boil down to that?

I am going to find some way to bring Family Time back to my family. If it is effecting my son, then it is effecting the girls. Our family is the most important thing to me, besides my Lord. So, today I am going to plan a fun supper and games or activity for us all to do together. Then when the kids go to bed, Mike can work on whatever he needs to work on. Our KIDS must come first. As we all know, for the most part, keeping those priorities in check, falls to the wife.

Any one who has ideas or links for family fun at home and inexpensive post it in your reply.

I want to bring the smile back to my son's eyes.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Are they KIDDING me?

Okay, Jennifer has been on amoxicillin for an infection. On her 10th day I noticed she had some hives but did NOT think of it being connected to the amoxicilin. Then I gave her the dose and the hives increased! I called the dr today since they were not open on the weekend.

The nurse calls me back this evening right after 5 pm, too late for an appointment. I tell her what is going on and

she says "it can't be the amoxicillin since it did not happen when she first took it".

I explained it worsened after being given a dose AND the rash fades with benadryl but comes back when it is time for benadryl again.

Again she said, it could not be the amoxicillin. Now, I am the Mother of a severely allergic child.

I have seen hives. I KNOW an allergic rash when I see one! So now they want to see her. Okay, fine, but right now there is no rash so what am I supposed to show them. Well, I did take pictures but they do NOT show the whelts from the hives!

I googled, yes I know a dangerous thing but from what I can see; there are many children who do not react the first few days of treatment or even the first time they have the medication. Subsequent allergy reactions get worse! I have been dealing with my son's allergies since he was diagnosed at 12 months. Although I suspected them long before and no one would listen. I know from allergy doctors, that allergies can "hide" and then cause a reaction and that each additional exposure can be worse. I am not a dumb Mom. I am a Mommy who has been in the allergy trenches for a LONG time.

So why is it doctors (in this case the nurse) do NOT Listen to parents? This is not a viral rash, I have seen those as well. This was HIVES.......clear and simply HIVES. Hello....okay so I am steamed that they treated me like I am stupid.

okay I am done now. Oh and MY CHILD will NOT be getting any form of the cillin family from this day forward. What is it they want me to do? Give her the last dose and "see what happens" Not going to happen.

Okay this time, I mean it...I am done venting now.

Do you hear what I hear

....a splash, a splash, giggle, giggle , hand smacking.........coming from the bathroom? Do you hear what I hear? The sounds of mischief floating in the air?

It was the sound of a toddler playing in the commode! Yes, my dear darling 2 year old who was supposed to be USING the potty was playing instead. In the midst of Mommy business, I did not notice she was taking tooooooooooooo long. I go in, and she is drenched. Her hair and face are wet, her arms and her shirt. She was giggling with pure and utter glee not understanding the sheer gross factor. So I take her out, tell her no and clean her up. Sanitized those hands with purell type stuff(alcohol free) and give her a time out, more for my sanity than anything else.

Yes, toilets are attractive things to both dogs and toddlers. At least it had been flushed! And had been cleaned recently......., whew. I guess she can't go potty alone for now until the novelty wears off. She is doing well with the potty even for its intended purpose. So my advice: beware of splashes, giggles and the sounds of hands smacking coming from your bathroom. The hand smacking was wet hands hitting porcelain. It is quite a distinct sound.

And I can chalk this up to one of those stories I can laugh about for years and tell HER children one day. It may not be funny in the moment, but when you realize she doesn't know toilets are not water fountains to play in, then you can see the humor. I also figure it will make good black mail material one day when she is say........13.

And yes, even when my child plays int he toilet, I LOVE being a Mommy! Besides my children never cease to find a way to break up the hum drum chores of the day.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

I guess I was WRONG and now I feel awful

Okay, as you read from my post on Friday, my son, I THOUGHT was playing hooky. He really did have an amazing recovery after it was too late to take him to school. He looked and appeared well. Friday night, he complained a tiny bit that his stomach hurt but never said another thing. All day Saturday he was fine, UNTIL, like 2 in the afternoon. We were visiting his grandparents. He came downstairs where he had been playing games on their computer.

He said he was tired and crawled in my lap. He felt very hot, so I took his temperature, 100.8. This from a child who NEVER runs fever even with horrid ear infections, he never ran a fever. Then he takes of running to the bathroom and makes it to the poop thing. We come home, and he takes of to the bathroom and pukes. Take his temp as he is hotter, 101.8. He has puked some today and has really bad poopy issues but his fever is down. So I guess, he was getting sick on Friday.

Now, as a Mom, I feel horrid. I guess I really missed it on this one. His body reacts to illness by triggering his asthma. Now his breathing is restricted and his cough is tight. Sigh......and me, I am left feeling like a bad mom. I know we all make mistakes, but I did NOT believe my child. I disciplined him by making him stay in bed all day.

Sometimes you so wish your child came with a "check engine light". At least one that let you know what was wrong and if they were really sick or not. I am sure this will not be the last time, I misinterpret my child but I still feel awful for it.

So now, I pray, the other two do not get it and his asthma does not get worse.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Mother Letters

In surfing blog land, I ran across this. A man who is trying to give a non "money" purchased gift to his wife. He is compiling letters from mothers all over blog land to give to his wife at Christmas as a way of encouragement. What a beautiful thought. He realizes this job called motherhood, is a hard task and his gift of love is priceless.

Here is the link:

I have already sumitted my letter but here is what I have written:

Dear Mother

When the laundry is piling up and the dishes are never ending, hold on.

When you have more than one child puking and fevers are rising, hold on.

When you are at your lowest point, feeling as if you don't matter, hold on.

When you can't walk one more step, and there is no more left, hold on.

For times passes, children grow and you are stronger than you know.

In your children's eyes you do not have to be a super model or have riches untold. All you need is love. For your children think you are their hero. There is no one like Mom. Though at times they all seem to take you for granted, it is in the simple faith that Mommy will always do it we see trust. Trust that Mommy is always there, Mommy always listens, Mommy always prays, and Mommy always cares. Mommy's love will never fade.

For in your arms they learn that love forgives and keeps on loving no matter what they do. They learn so much from everything you give them. It does not have to come with fancy bows and ribbons are high costs, but the gifts you are giving them now is teaching them to store up their treasures in heavenly places.

It is from watching my son struggle to breathe during an asthma attack that I realized the connection between mother and child goes beyond description. We almost lost him that day and I felt the separation as his life was slipping away. It was by a sheer miracle my son survived. In telling him it was okay to let go and go to the Lord, I learned that sometimes a mother's love is so deep she'd rather let go than watch her child suffer one more second. So hold on, hold on to the gifts that God has placed in your little ones.

Even when we know we have made mistakes as a mother, our place in our children's eyes never fades. So hold on dear mother and know that everything you do matters. And the mistakes you make, that we all make.....or just that mistakes and they are overcome, but love, your love as a mother for your child will far outshine the mistakes. For when your children behold your face, to them you are the most beautiful creation upon the earth, because you are the first love they have ever known and the only earthly love that will endure for all eternity.

2nd grade "Monopoly"

It all started this morning when my son informed me he had diarrhea (sorry if TMI), a stomach ache, and felt nauseous. Now, me being the concerned mom I am, but yet not wanting him to miss yet another day of school had to think long and hard about what to do. I also had an obligation to keep the church nursery for Women's Bible Study at a local church. It is a paid position. Deciding I did not want to risk being in the middle of nursery duty and getting a call from the school to come pick up a puking child; I kept him home. My mother agreed to watch him and Jennifer for me. A little while later, as I was leaving to take Hannah to Pre-K, I noticed, a decidedly chipper and active 8 year old. I asked him how are you feeling? The change was like turning off a light switch. Almost worthy of an Oscar. I feel awful Mommy, got listless and a long sad face. He was barely able to hold his head up. KNOWING in my gut he was faking, I went ahead and took Hannah to school. I arrived back from the drop off to discover he is FINE and now wants to eat.

The little Mr. did not pass go, he did not collect the game boy, he ate some toast and drank some juice and went DIRECTLY to bed. After all if you have tummy ailments, you must be careful about what you eat. He had NO get out of bed free card regardless of the fact he was scheduled to spend the night with his grandparents on easy street, where he'd have gotten his favorite foods, lots of gummy bears and jello. Nope, he stayed in bed all day and was not allowed to watch tv or play his nintendo ds. Usually when he is really home sick, I let him do those things to help keep him sedate so he doesn't get his breathing out of whack. He did NOT get his planned overnight play fest at his grandparents home.

Today having been caught in his attempt to be "sick" he got the full treatment of what it is like to be "too sick" to go to school. If you are to sick to go to school, you are to sick for game boy, nintendo, the WII, TV etc. He was NOT happy. But I stuck to my guns and went on about my day.

When I arrived home from nursery duty. The little "bed ridden" child was fast asleep from sheer boredom. He swears up and down he will never do it again. He lost this wheelin and dealin attempt for more game time and went bankrupt. He had no collateral and no hidden perks. So his attempt to pull the wool over Mommy's eyes failed but a lesson was learned.

When you play sick, you do not get free parking in gamesville or TV land, you go directly to bed with no get out free card and you suffer the consequences of your lie.

Ahhhh yes, the tangled web they weave when they try to deceive only gets them caught in mess.

So as you can see, my child, Mr. Goody-goody two shoes can get into just as much mischief as the next guy. Although sometimes, I swear he is 8 going on 18.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Need prayer

Not going into details but I need prayer. God knows what it is about. He sees my heart. He knows my soul. He is the lifter of my head. Right now the storm clouds are huge and the wind is strong and the waves of despair threaten to sink me. But I am keeping my eyes on Jesus and holding on. He WILL get me through the storm. He WILL be my present help in time of need. He holds me in His arms safe and warm and protected, like a new lamb held in the arms of the shepherd. The circumstances do not matter, the Savior is the answer and I will hold on. God is able.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Cardboard testimonies

I have no relay just how much seeing these has effected me.

What is your cardboard testimony?

Be sure you have tissues ready, you WILL BE blessed!

Cardboard Testimonies from College Park Church on Vimeo.

google carboard testimonies are look up on you tube.........there are too many to count

here is one more link:

My carboard testimony is below:

Given 0% chance to live at birth, doctors said I'd never amount to anything.

Living 100% for Jesus, happily married with 3 children of my own and a Pastor's wife.

What is YOUR cardboard testimony?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Apology Letter

Yesterday, Christopher was being fresh and rude. He spoke very rudely to me. I sent him to his room to think about his behavior and away from the current family activity.

He comes to the bottom of the stairs and says to his baby sisteer "Jennifer, give this to mommy".

Here is what he gave me (side note he can spell better than what is in this letter but I guess he was feeling emotional. I will write it just as written.)

Dear Mom:

I am sory that I talked mean to you. I will by nice to you.

from: your son.

paper: Just a few cents.
pencil: 25 cents
aggravation level before letter: HIGH

Letter of apology: PRICELESS

level of aggravation after letter: Non existent.

I love it when your kids, think to apologize on their own and add a written record of that apology.

We hugged and kissed and all was well. God is so good to me. My kids, to me, are the best kids in the whole world.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Pre-K dropout? my chuckle of the day

This morning on the way to school, my Hannah informed me:

"Mommy I am done with Pre-K, I am ready for kindergarten cause I am FIVE"!.

She then went on to inform me that she wanted to be in Dougie's class (my sister's son) and she would sit in the front and Dougie could sit in the back so they would not get in trouble.

She also informed me that she would take her teachers Ms. Jamie and Ms. Shelley WITH her to Kindergarten.

I finally convinced her that since she WILL still be 5 when she starts kindergarten it will be okay to finish Pre-K.

My dear little Diva, thinks she has gone beyond the Pre-K set and is so ready for Kindergarten.

My children never cease to make my heart smile.

The Suggestion Box

I have been working and thinking and trying to come up with ideas to not only make things at home go better but to make my blog more readable, more interesting, more fun but at the same time promote my faith and passion for Christ. It isn't always easy to balance life, home, church, school and all the demands of life; much less a daily blog. So, I am inviting you to comment and list some of the ideas you have found that makes your blog work, be more readable, attract readers, etc.

Now if my children could put notes in the HOME Suggestion Box this is some of what they would list:

1. Cookies for breakfast-- although sometimes this would be good, it is NOT going to happen no matter how cute the face that asks.

2. 24/7 television access-- This will not be happening either as I do like my children's bright minds and creative imagination. Some tv, okay 24/7 of cartoons, Dora, the Doodle Bops, Caillou, Winnie the Pooh or even Veggie Tales.......I'd be insane.

3. Macdonald's for dinner every night-- first off I do NOT like fast food. Secondly, if my kids ate there every time they wanted, they'd be as round as they are high.

4. Spend hours on end in the bath-- While, I am so glad they love their baths, I like my children wrinkle free.

5. Play time with Mommy and Daddy ALL the time--Yes, I love playing with my children, however the house must be cleaned at some point and food must be cooked, so I need a bit of a break between play periods.

These are but a few of the "suggestions" that my children have for me.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Buttons, bows, arguements....Sunday morning INSANITY

It never fails, NEVER! Sunday mornings are chaos. It doesn't matter if I have everything ready and waiting. It doesn't matter if I have everything planned. Invariably something falls apart.

Arguments over who is sitting too close to whom.

Cries of "I don't want to wear that"



Not listening....

and the list goes on....

And for some reason breakfast never goes right either.

Today I was happy with the fact I was able to get our lunch in the crockpot and ready so it would be ready by the time we arrived home.

Today it was crock pot meatloaf, an egg-less recipe since Christopher cant have dairy. I substituted soy milk for the milk called for in the recipe and 1 shredded potato to replace the egg. It was actually pretty good! So all was not a failure.

I have told my children they are no longer allowed to watch cartoons on Sunday mornings while waiting for breakfast and such. From this point forward we will be playing praise and worship music for our entire Sunday mornings. I told my dear husband that perhaps, music would tame the savage beasts.

Our kids are good kids for the most part, but for whatever reason, Sundays are the worst day. We do not want our kids to ever think, Daddy and Mommy scold us/yell(which is the point they pushed to today) and then go to church and "put on their church faces, Daddy preaches and Mommy smiles and acts like all is well. I do NOT want them to think we are hypocrites. Their behavior today deserved a firm, raised voice, not perhaps yelling, but we too are human. We all have to work together to make Sunday mornings sane.

Our kids are just that, kids and just cause they are PK's (preacher's kids) does not mean they are perfect. But the reality is, they are held to a higher standard. We have to balance expectation and reality. I will not put undue expectation on our children, but I also will not tolerate behavior they KNOW is not acceptable.

I pray for God to give us wisdom in this journey called parenthood. And perhaps, next Sunday, we can get out of the door on time, no tears being shed, and no one having been placed in the time out chair before 9 am! That is my goal. Now I must go and prepare my Hannah's birthday party. Let's see, guests + sugar + presents + excitement of a 5 year old's birthday party = HYPED UP CHAOS. Hmmmm, I wonder how easy getting out of the house by 5:30 pm for church will be tonight? SIGH

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Stroll down Memory Lane

In Honor of my 200th post, I took a stroll down memory lane. I went back and read some of my blog entries. As I stroll back in time, I see so much of God's hand. Yes, there were stormy days and hours and sorrow. But on each horizon the ever shining hope in Christ Jesus that we would make it through each storm. I read back and see the birth of my children's faith. I see love unfolding and sorrows being healed. I see so much that God has brought us through. I see so much that the enemy meant for harm but that God used for good. My children have grown so much. My family has grown stronger and closer. We may not have much in regards to the world's view of wealth but in love, in hope, in faith, and in the things of our Lord we are rich beyond description. What God is doing and has done in our lives.........astounds me. My God is ever faithful, a very present help in time of need (that scripture is so true). Today, I am thankful. Thankful for the trials, thankful for the sorrow, thankful for the blessings and thankful for the joy. I sit in utter amazement at the magnificence of my Lord and I praise my God for all that He is and all that He is doing. I praise God for a family rooted and grounded in Christ Jesus our Lord. And I look forward to all that God has in store for us.

In the pictures over the last 200 posts, I see my children growing up. They grow so fast and leave little bits of their childhood behind for mommy to treasure. In those bits of childhood are precious pieces of who God has planned them to be. They are full of hope, promise and possibility. May our Lord of all keep me always mindful that even through the trials and storms, HE is the sunrise and sunset on the horizon. He is our hope and our strength. In HIM alone can I find everything I need for the past, present and future.

Saving Money

Ahhhhh what is that sound? The sound of money saved. Yesterday, was payday. We had a specific amount of money we could spend on groceries. The last two times I went grocery shopping, it was beyond stressful and I ended up OVER budget just to get the barest of essentials. Today, after hearing about it from friends, I tried Aldi grocery store. WOW! I saved probably at least half of what I'd have spent at Publix!. Also I then went on over to Krogers, because there were a few items Aldi did not have. I bought for the most part, store brands. Only on a couple of things did I stay true to my normal brand. Partly because of Christopher's allergies. However, for the most part I went with store brand and only bought what was on sale with my Kroger customer card. I SAVED again! So for this week, I came in 25$ UNDER budget. Can you hear me smiling over the net? I did a jig in the car driving home. My girls thought "Mommy has lost her mind". But Jennifer said "Way a go Mommy" and Hannah said "Wahoo". Mike is at the Junior Bible Quiz meet so was not home. I called him and left a message for him to call. When he called back and I told him how much I saved; you could hear the man beaming over the phone. I have plans to make my savings bigger next time. But if I keep up learning to save at this pace, we might make it after all. Saving money is not just something we want to do, it is imperative to our very surival in this economy. Being a SAHM has its drawbacks, but WHEN I learn how to save money here and there and cut coupons effectively, then I will feel like I am being that Prov. 31 Mommy. What a RUSH! Saving that much money was like, beyond explainable. As I learn I will try to post tips, now and then on what I am learning. Some, maybe most people already know, maybe not, but this is just me, learning to save money and what helped.

Today's tips"

1. Go early on Saturday if that is your shopping day. Most people sleep in.

2. Shop discount store, no frills store, Sam's club etc.

3. Buy store brands when possible.

4. Buy true to customer card and reap the savings.

5. Do not buy things you don't need; i.e. those cookies and deli foods that tried to tempt me.

6. EAT FIRST before shopping. Do NOT shop hungry. (Shopping hungry has always been dangerous for me).

7. Go to more than one store if necessary.

8. Buy according to your list and stick to it.

9. Buy larger quanties of meat and divide it up after you get home instead of individually.

10. My most important tip, PRAY before you go and ask God to help you be a good steweard of what He has given you and to find the best bargains. YES....God cares about this too.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Take a lot of love, a dash of creativity and a pinch of talent...

and you get a Barbie doll cake. I don't confess to being Ms Suzy Homemaker; Martha Stewart...I will NEVER be. But my dear daughter wanted a doll cake and a doll cake she will get. I followed a recipe I found online. I know NOW....after the fact I SHOULD have made two boxes of cake mix and not one (the recipe only called for one), but you live and learn. My daughter will be thrilled. Mind you, when you see the finished product, it may not be fancy, and it may not be beautiful, but it is made with LOTS and LOTS of love.

(why did my pictures post randomly instead of the order I tried to upload them in, just tried to edit....did not work)

First I cooked the cake in a mixing bowl. (It was two small to work properly, the cake that is, I should have used the two mixes). Then I hollowed out the center today and inserted barbie wrapped in plastic wrap. I also wrapped her hair while I was frosting it.

The picture of Hannah is with her preschool teachers. She inisted she needed a picture with them today. She also informed everyone, today is her birthday and she is "an American Girl". She says her dress is just like Kit Cartride in the American Girl movie.

Dear Hannah

5 years ago today, God blessed us with you. Our first born daughter, a dream fulfilled, promise of all the beauty you bring to our lives. From that very first day, you were our Princess in Training, our wee little Diva. You were such a good baby and easily pleased but when you got mad, watch out for the drama. My sweet Hannah Rose, you are still are wee little rosebud beginning to unfold. This year you have done so very much. You started preschool and took to it readily, easily and eagerly. You help your friends in class and obey your teachers. The biggest gift of all this year, you gave your heart to Jesus. You love your Lord Jesus and your prayers are so sweet. You always pray, unprompted, "For everyone to have joy". Your marathon prayers can sometimes make mommy and daddy have to hide their mouths to keep from laughing out loud. You have prayed for just about everything under the sun. Yet, to me that is so wonderful. You have learned, that you can take every care, every concern, every joy and every sorrow to Jesus. You have learned that Jesus cares about everything. You bring such joy to our lives. I watched you today as I took you to school, my big girl, skipping down the hallway greeting those around you. Your exuberance and dramatic flair are incredible. You made sure everyone, knew, you were dressed like "an American Girl". You want the dolls and when I said no, not yet you took it with grace. You are a loving, compassionate girl. You help take care of Christopher when he is sick and you are so tender with Jennifer. On those times you are naughty or do throw a dramatic tantrum, you are quick to repent and mend your ways. You are beautiful handiwork of God. Your big blues eyes sparkle like all the diamonds you want to wear, even if daddy says you are too young for diamonds. (besides they cost too much money, but you dont know that). Your one true love besides your Savior is your daddy! You my darling first born daughter make my heart SMILE. Happy Birthday Sweetie. May God continue the good work He has begun in you, for you truly are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Love Mommy and Daddy

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's one of THOSE days

You know the kind, the sky is grey and drippy. The air is cool and damp and my mood is about the same. Yesterday, I got the bright idea to began a work out regimen. Good idea, wrong work out program for a "beginner". Supposedly, if one does the stretches, warm up and cool down one does not get sore. One did not tell my body that. My body, feels like I have been beaten. Today ahead of me, or so many tasks that must be done. This includes going to the grocery to pick up the ingredients to make a cake for a certain little girl who wants a "doll cake". My mother in law, has without intending to do so, started a new tradition. She had Christopher and us over on his birthday for dinner and I took a home made cake. Despite the fact we had already had his birthday party for which there was........yep a cake. So my Hannah, being all about fair play has NOT forgotten her brother recieved TWO cakes, one for his party and one on his actual day. This was not my idea. To keep the peace however, in my family, there will be two cakes.

My body is so sore, I can barely move. Add to that, the fact I am having a family party on Sunday with the cake I originally ordered. That being said, my inlaws are coming for coffee and cake. Now, my mother in law, can make Martha Stewart's home look like a pig sty. My home is not dirty, but it has that certain lived in appeal of a family with 3 young children. So, I being the good little Proverbs Mommy, want to bring honor on my dear husband's head, will need to get all of the house in law ready. That means chasing the wayward dust bunnies and froot loops down that have somehow wondered under the couch and behind the desk. I have no energy. Saturday is a full day for my husband and Christopher. Unless I want to do all this preparation on Saturday while my husband and son are at Junior Bible Quiz, I must knuckl down, put the old nose to the grind stone and get with it. However, the moody part of me, says "What does it matter, it is never good enough anyway". So I have to choose to rise above the feeling like the sky outside and push my aching 40 year old body to do what it does not want to do. Can deep housecleaning be counted as a workout?

God equips us for the work that He calls us to do. Yet sometimes I feel ill equippled for it. Everyone thinks Mommy/wife/daughter in law/cook/lawyer/... should always have it together with dinner on the table and makeup on the face and .... you know the drill. So do my expectation of what I need to do relfect what others think of me or what God has called me to? Too often I am more worried about what others think than what God thinks.

Add to my stress, the fact that we have NO money, well we might have 10 dollars in the bank. God is moving, I dont doubt that. He always provides, always has and always will. Yet sometimes, I find it hard to understand why we have to worry if we are going to have groceries, much less provide a special birthday for one of my children.

: we interrupt this post to bring you this bulletin: that was decidely strange as I was typing and blogger decided to post my thread before I was done. Okay back to your regular scheduled reading:

Today, I will have to cling to the scripture. Sometimes clingig is easier said than done. Kind of like those window clings my kids love that sometimes cling and sometimes well they half way cling and other times, they don't cling at all.

The scriptures I am clinging to today are all found in Phillipians 4:

Phillipians 4:6 " Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"

Phillipians 4:13 " I can do everthing through Him who gives me strength".

Phillipans 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus"

All those scriptures require action on my part; faith, perseverance, trusting Him, having a thankful heart attitude, prayer, supplication, acting like I have the strength even before I feel it.

Now it comes to mind, it has been a while since I included scripture in a blog post, shame on me. Blogging for me is therapuetic, healing, sometimes just putting my prayers to my Lord down in a visual way. And thought sometimes I include scripture and sometimes I don't. I want this blog to bring Him glory and not just be a whine fest. After all, I detest whining and my kids get put in time out. But God has big shoulders I think He can handle me crying on them even when the problem is small in comparison to some of the things going on in the world today. Our problems, be they big or small are important to Him.

Okay, now off to grab the vacuum and the pledge and the step stool so I can actually reach the top of the book cases to dust. If I don't post tomorrow, you will know the Dust bunnies launched and all out attack and won and reinforcements need to be sent in.

p.s. It is amazing what difference a period can make at the end of a sentence. I just read my own post and was shocked at a couple of spots because the absence of a period lent a whole new meaning to what I was trying to say. That too is a lesson in our love for our Lord. Do we take time to make sure our words, actions and deeds bring glory to Him. Or do we rush through our time with Him, leaving our sentences to Him with no punctuation, no forethought of how we want to speak to Him? I am "preaching" to myself here. Okay off to fight some finger smudges on the windows, feed the baby girl her lunch and perhaps grab a bite myself.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

100 things about me

I was inspired by Rebekah over at Sweet tea with Lemon to do this. I never did celebrate my 100th post, which has come and gone. So I guess you might get to know a bit more about me than you ever thought you would.

1. I was born again when I was 6 years old. My twin and I walked the aisle hand in hand to accept Jesus as our Savior.

2. I was born in 1968 but most of my memories are from the 80's including the neon colors, leg warmers and BIG, no I mean GIANT hair.

3. I knew at 12 years old the Lord had called me to ministry as a pastor's wife.

4. A very precious pastor's wife saved my life from the devastating grips of anorexia, simply by caring enough to see the problem and ask me daily was I trying to get out of it, prayer and friendly counsel. Although at that time, I did not realize she was "counseling" me.

5. My twin and I went our separate ways for college. She went to the University of Florida and I went to what was then Southeastern Bible College (it is now a university).

6. I did NOT meet my preacher charming at SEC, although I was sure I would.

7. I lived with my sister for several years after college before she got married (the jerk since left her simply because she wanted to live for Jesus and he didn't anymore).

8. In 1995?, I "met" this dude on line. He was nice, we chatted and chatted some more then we started calling each other.......well the rest is history.

9. I met my intended in 1997 for the first time in person. The minute I opened the door, God spoke to my heart and said "This is your husband". I thought, God, your nuts, one does not marry the man she met on the internet. But that's all she wrote.

10. I worked for the State of Florida for many years and soon lost my view of the world through rose colored glasses. I found out what people will do to their kids for reasons only God can understand and went through a deep depression. God rescued me out of that depression, through medication (gasp), Christian counseling and lots and lots of prayer.

11. I received my Master's degree in Social Work in August of 1999.

12. October 9, 1999 I married my "internet dude" we had dated over the phone and the internet and flew back and forth from FL to NY to spend time together. I stayed at his parents, he stayed at my dad's etc. So after marriage, this FL girl moved lock stock and barrel to Long Island, NY.

13. In December 1999 I had surgery for severe, fertility threatening endometriosis.

14. On October 21, 2000 our first son was born. From the beginning his life would prove to have many challenges which he has faced like little David against Goliath.

15. My husband was away from us for 9 months due to a much needed training program preparing him for ministry. It was the hardest 9 months of our lives. My son was 5 months old when he left. I raised my son alone for the most part during that time. But my husband came back a different man. Much worth the investment and ready to see what God had in store for us.

16. Our son was continuing to have major health issues, could not tolerate foods and formula well and at 11 months had been sick more than he had been well.

17. On September 11, 2001, I stood in the WIC office getting my son's special formula as I watched horror unfold. The mood on Long Island, NY was so pervasive you could not breathe. Later that day, we learned that my husband's cousin (my husband was not yet home from KY at this time) who was a NYFD paramedic was killed when the towers came down.

18. On October 21, 2001 we celebrated Christopher's first birthday. That also was the day of my son's first asthma attack. A day that would prove just a taste of the many things we would face.

19. A few weeks later, our son was diagnosed with severe, life threatening allergies, to milk, eggs and peanuts. All things he had been getting in foods unknown to us because we did not know how to read labels.

20. In December 2001, one of the hardest days of my life occurred. We rushed Christopher to the hospital in full blown asthma attack. He was admitted with a pulse oxygen rate of 81 while on oxygen. My son, my sweet little son was no longer able to play, although he tried and he was grey. That day, I almost lost my first born child. As he lay in my arms hooked up to oxygen and monitors, God said "Give him to me". I said but God you gave him to me. God said "Give him to me". I said, Okay, God he is yours, I want my baby but if you want him take him home, just don't let him suffer. I leaned over, tears running down my face and whispered, "Son, I love you, Daddy loves, but Jesus loves you more. If it is too hard and you hurt too much and Jesus calls you home, go to Him. He will take care of you" I leaned back up and begin to rock and sing "Jesus loves me this I know". At that moment, my son began his slow ascent up the rock slope of recovery. He has faced many asthma attacks. He has looked death in the face many times since then but that day, was my Abraham experience. Would I trust God enough to let go, or would I hold onto the gifts that God had given and not share them.

21. In Feburary 2002 my son accidentely poured a glass of milk over his head. Immediately he began to react. I thought he could not reach the milk. He showed me to never underetimate a toddler. Every where the milk touched he looked scalded. The milk that ran into his mouth began to close his airway as he simultaneously tried to puke. The eye the milk ran into was th size of a golf ball. I called 911 and administered the epi pen. Hours later after IV benadryl, steroids and scripts for more steroids we were released. I was shaken to my core.

22. In Fall of 2002 my son was diagnosed with oral sensory issues. Go figure for the first year of his life every time he ate, he hurt because drs would not listen that something was wrong with my baby. Undiagnosed food allergies taught him, eating is painful. He began getting Occupational therapy.

23. In January of 2003 we were preparing to leave NY so Mike could attend Bible school for pastoral ministry. The trip was delayed somewhat. Christopher had tubes put in his ears and we ALL had the Norwalk Virus. Little did we know how that virus would effect our lives.

24. In Feburary of 2003 Mike and I were given an overnight trip to a bed and breakfast. Little did we know that 9 months later our real souveneir would arrive.

25. About this time, we noticed a lump on my husband's neck growing like crazy. My husband being the brave man that is and macho, did NOT want to go to the dr. Myself and his parents insisted. That led to a biopsy which led to surgery. I was sitting in the lobby when the call came waiting to here from the surgeon. I picked up the phone, "Mrs. S. Its cancer" Words that forever scarred my brain. He did say if you gotta have cancer its the best one to have. WHAT? His cancer was fast growing, had we not had it taken care of when we did, it would have metastasised. Only weeks after the viral illness turned on so to speak his cancer (what drs surmise) it was already 1 percent into lymph nodes. Had it encroached much more, the battle would have been harder.

26. After just recieving a positive pregnancy test my husband had a radio active iodine treatment. I was pregnant, he was radio active.......yeah we spent some time apart.

27. Finally in the end of May 2003, we moved ourselves to Florida. Our son was 2.5, I was about 12 weeks pregnant and had morning sickness, Mike drove the truck, I drove our car. It was a HARD trip.

28. We arrived in Lakeland, Florida and began our new lives and Mike began Bible college and worked full time at night.

29. On November 14, 2003, our little souveneir was born. Hannah. She was a little Diva from birth.

30. Life was difficult but we were making it. I learned that I could be a stay at home mom and juggle two children and husband gone so much we were like ships in the night.

31. In September 05, I had a miscarriage. I was devastated. Little did I know what we were about to face.

32. In early October, Christopher had an asthma attack and collapsed in my arms. I called my husband who raced home from school. We rushed him to the hospital. At the ER he was in SEVERE respiratory distress. Oxygen levels in the low 80s with O2. They asked us about his allergies, we told them. They gave him a treatment and he seemed to rally. A few hours later they came in with another treatment and said we are going to give him Atrovent. We did NOT know to ask about it. They decided to admit him because on high levels of O2 he was barely at 80 and not maintaining between treatments. On the floor, I noticed his face and all extremities were SCARLET RED and he was no longer talking or moving much, I said is that normal? They said what, he doesn't have a fever, I said no. They asked what he had in ER. I said Atrovent. The respiratory therapist said Uh, isn't he allergic to peanuts. I said Yes, why. He said Maa'm they aren't supposed to give kids with peanut allergy atrovent. Before my very eyes my son was crashing. He was admitted to intensive care on a continuous neb just shy of being intubated after steroids and IV benadryl. He was in intensive care 4 days, due to a medical mistake. That day we learned to ASK lots of questions when your child is given meds.

33. I ramble to much this is going to be a long READ sorry,

34. Was the above cheating, perhaps but I couldn't think at the moment and my dear daugher needed me to help her with the potty.

35. In November, we found out baby number 3 was on the way. We were not expecting to get pregnant so soon after a miscarriage.

36. My husband graduated from Southeastern University in May 2003

37. In June 2003 my husband recieved his licensure from the Assemblies of God as a licensed minister.

38. July 8th 2006 Jennifer was born.

39. In November 2006 we received our first position as associate pastor so we moved.

40. In July 2007, my husband was informed by the Senior pastor, it just "wasn't working out". My husband did nothing wrong but we were dismissed. There is a thread about it in my archives. We had 2 months to move.

41. In August 2007 we arrived in TN. We moved in 2 doors down from my twin sister.

42. Pretty much that is our life up to the present. Mike is an interim pastor at a small church here.

43. I am a sahm and keep the nursery at our church we are members at while Mike is interim pastor at a different church. It is a paid position, which we need right now. If we are given this church we will make the full move.

44. Mike preaches on Sunday mornings and Wendesday nights.

45. I can pick up things with my toes and write with my toes.

46. Barring a miracle we will have no other children. I made a wrong choice, thinking it was the right one and had my tubes tied. But in all things God is KING.

47. We struggle financially but I will not leave my children to go to work.

48. I am 20+ pounds overweight. My sister is a peanut. We are twins, people make rude comments. I am now trying to lose weight.

49. My 2 oldest children have asked Jesus in their hearts. We are nourishing what God has started and letting God lead them in a deeper walk as they grow,

50. I often fear I am not good enough to be a pastor's wife but God quickly puts me back on course.

51. My husband and my children are my joy.

52. I want to be a more organized homemaker but am organazationally challenged.

53. My inlaws moved to TN to be near us. This is both good and bad. (see archives).

54. I must have coffee in the mornings but this did not start til I craved coffee during my 2nd pregnancy.

55. I secretly dream and pray for a miracle of having another baby.

56. My husband is silly and nutty and makes my life wonderful.

57. My son has greater faith in his little finger than most adults. He talks to God and I have seen him try and "hear God". (see archives). He lays hands on people and headaches go away.

58. My middle daughter is truly a girly girl. She is full of sparkles and sunshine but also can turn to a mood on a seconds notice.

59. My baby daughter is our comedianne. Always happy, always full of joy. Eager to please, eager to help.

60. I have learned more about God the Father by being a parent than I ever knew possible.

62. My son just read a whole chapter book and said "Mommy, my head is so full my brain hurts". He cracks me up.

63. I have to go change a pull up, my baby daughter decided "I too tired for potty mommy".

64. I too often fall short of God's glory in spending time reading His word and talking to Him. I am working on it.

65. I miss Florida winters.

66. My dream vacation spot is the beach for a week with my family in a cabin on a secluded beach. Yeah, I said it was dream.

67. I have 1000s of pictures of my children on CD/dvd thingies but have not had any printed.

68. I tend to procrastinate too often.

69. I am horrid at math and when I try to help my son with addition, subtraction etc, I have to use my fingers. Sad, sad, sad.

70. We live in an apartment, I wish we lived in a house.

71. I held resentment for a long time against the Senior Pastor that dismissed my husband. Now, although what happened was unfair, I have forgiven and can see God's hand in it.

72. We are believing for a miracle for our son's healing for asthma, allergies and sensory issues.

73. I love chocolate but it is way too fattening, now I am going to eat my slice of chocolate cake after the kids go to bed and undo my work out.

74. All my children were C-sections, after the first one.

75. My first labor was 28 hours long, with a failed epidural and preeclampsia and having to be put under half way through the c section because I started feeling it.

76. Sometimes I wonder why I say/write the things that I do.

77. My dream is to be an author.

78. I seriously need a hair cut, but we can't afford it right now.

79. 100 things about yourself is harder than it looks and my life is not that exciting.

80. I waited for a long train to pass, while in labor with my last child. It was not fun. She decided to come BEFORE her scheduled c section.

81. I was given a 0% chance of survival at birth, good thing God doesn't take chances, He gives chances.

82. Doctors said I would be "retarded", would never graduate high school or amount to much.

83. The thing I most like about Fall in TN is the incredible colors on the trees. You do not get this beauty in Florida. It is beyond description.

84. I belong to like 6 or more message boards but only frequent 4.

85. I have blue eyes.....yes I am grasping at the moment.

86. My son says the best magic is the magic of family. We dont teach them about magic but this is what he just came up and told me.

87. My 4 year old (well 5 on Friday) who is shy for the most part, took to preschool like a duck to water and I am so proud of her.

88. I realize I talk about my family as if they are me, when describing me, but that is so true, they are a part of me.

89. I often feel like a failure as a wife and mother. God's still working on me.

90. God has blessed me in more ways than I can ever count.

91. Contrary to my children's belief I do not have super hearing BUT my ears are very sensitive to sounds and irritating noises that do NOT bother most people.

92. My children are very petite like me and I worry that my son especially will fall prey to bullies. I spend lots of time in prayer over this one.

93. I just lost it with my daughter Hannah, because she held the bathroom door shut while her baby sister was screaming....NO NO NO. I hate when I lose it. I feel bad, guilty you name it. I should have walked away, but I reacted.

94. I must, must have a glass of milk before I go to sleep at night or I can't sleep.

95. If I could change one thing about me, I'd be more patient in those moments like I mentioned in 93.

96. I should be doing any number of things instead of sitting here at the computer.

97. I second guess myself all the time, despite me knowing I have the ability to make good decisions.

98. I know God has equipped me but too often doubt that and try to do it by myself.

99. I wonder if years down the road my children will be glad I blogged about their childhood or embarrassed.

100. I love my Lord Jesus Christ with all my heart and soul.

Wordless Wednesday

Getting Fit, Toddler Style

This morning in the interest of getting my somewhat overweight body in shape, I begin a work out video. I am determined to get in shape and lose 28-30 lbs. I am slightly overweight and need to get in shape. Anyway, as I began my work out Jennifer joined in. The ladies on the video had work out mats. I do not. Not to be left out of the work out mat look, she went and got herself a dish towel and laid it on the floor. Then proceeded to copy me and the women on the video. First, she can't jump yet. She can do everything else and more that most two year olds can do except jump with feet leaving the floor. So her form of jumping jacks is quite humorous, hands flapping up and down, knees bouncing as she tries her best to conquer gravity and leave the ground. As the 30 minute work out continued she continued. Half way through, I am huffing, puffing, gruntint, and groaning. Jennifer jumped right in to do the same funny noises mommy was making. After all this must be part of the new fascinating game Mommy was doing. At one point while doing a floor exercise, I had to stop. I moaned, the words "I can't make it". She stretched out just like Mommy, and with the same inflection and fake exhausted tone she said "I not going make it". I have never seen anything so funny. I did continue my work out after a minute breather but my dear daughter's style is so cute and so funny. I think she will be my inspiration to continue. She had so much fun. Me, not so much, but I am getting fit. I will have to take some pictures one day of her doing exercise. I would have my husband take pictures of the two of us, but I am not a coordinated person AT ALL, so the thought of my image being posted here while doing aerobic exercise, well, let's just say that has NO chance of happening. So me and my little work out buddy will be doing some form of exercise daily. I may resort to some of the kid workouts available to me on demand through my cable. Might be easier and I know Jennifer would love it. So now this exhausted mommy is going to try and make a healthy lunch of soup and cheese quesadillas, light on my cheese, heavy on hers. After all my little girl does NOT need to lose weight. Just mommy.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I will NEVER understand

I sit here looking at Jennifer, who has an appointment to see the doctor at 4pm cause she is sick. I just want her to feel better, not hurt(think her ears hurt) and feel like playing. Then I see something like this..........and I can NOT ever understand. will cry!

Child abuse needs to STOP. In a world like ours there should be no reason for people to abuse children. If they have an anger problem, help is available. If they have a drug problem, help is available But to many times, things, other people, addictions.....whatever it more important than their own child. RIP litte one. Someone STOP the insanity. Children deserve love and gentleness not abuse, not neglect, not torture.

Tired Tuesday

Jennifer has had such a nasty cold that she has not been sleeping. She does not get as sick as Christopher does with colds but she doesn't sleep. She was coughing so hard last night she was choking and gasping and could not talk. I picked her up and patted her back and gave her a drink and she was okay. Stuff like that, freaks me out some times because of Christopher's history. She isn't Christopher but that sound....gasping for air, goes right through you. This morning she is fine. I think I am going to try giving her a steam bath a few times today. Maybe that will loosen things up.

So many children in this world suffer greater struggles than my kids ever have. Their families face battles I can not even imagine. I admire them, pray for them and ask God to intervene.

Then there are those times when my kids are sick or Christopher's asthma is so bad that I wonder if he will make it through the night. At those times, my heart is ripped in two. Any time your child suffers from something, be it minor or major, your heart hurts for them. I do know what it is like to look into the eyes of my child and see his very life fading from him. I do know what it is like to feel his precious spirit slipping away. Only by God's grace do I still have my son. I am awed, humbled and grateful to God for my son, my girls. May God bless all the dear children in this world who suffer catastrophic, illness, injury or challenges.

I am weary this morning from days of not sleeping well but my child except for a cold is healthy and strong. I don't have to worry that she will not be here. I think because I have looked death in the face where one of my children is concerned, it changed who I am. It made me more cautious, protective and appreciate the little things. However, like any mom, sometimes, I take for granted the fact I can be woken up at night by a crying child. My kids can whine and be naughty. The can be sweet and loving, they can put their little arms around me and hug. I am tired but I know my little girl will get better. Of course if I could have a bit more sleep, it would be easier. So I might be tired but I'll sleep one day soon. And one day my children will not need mommy in the middle of the night. When that happens I have no idea what I'll do. Probably get a puppy that will need me in the middle of the night.

Monday, November 10, 2008

What a weekend and Monday

Saturday, we woke up and had a bit of a lazy morning but not too much because Christopher had a birthday party to go to. Now, because of his allergies we always have to take snacks and treats he can have to send with him. We got that all together and off we went. Took Christopher to his party, ran some errands then had a church wide "pig roast" (good eatin) and a person's home, then had to pick up Christopher and finally home again. All this while Mike coughed and such. He caughts the kids colds. Saturday evening we watched movies, hung out and got ready for Sunday. Sunday we woke up a bit later than planned because Jennifer did not sleep well. I got the kids fed and dressed. Grabbed the diaper bag and off we went. I went to the church Mike is filing in for because I didnt have to keep nursery at our regular church. We were late! Not so good when hubby is the pastor but it happens. We were only late for Sunday school and only by a couple of minutes. So I take the kids to the back room for Mommy led Sunday school. Jennifer who has been doing really well with potty, had an accident....thank the Lord for pull ups. BUT wouldn't you know it......Mike had taken himself and the girls to my inlaws on Friday for dinner and I had stayed home with Christopher who was recovering from a 24 hour bug. They had used the pullups that were in the bag, although I swear there were 6 in the bag and NO ONE TOLD ME! Usually, I check the bag before we leave but Sunday morning I did not. Yep, you guessed it. NO PULLUPS and NO regular panties in the bag. I did have a pair of long pants so I put those on her cold, naked bottom and took her and Hannah on a quick trip in the car back home to get the pull ups. Grabbed a few pull ups out of the house, took the pants off Jennifer in the car, replaced them with pull ups, strapped her back in her seat and off to church we went. I having a moment of wisdom had already put chicken in the crock pot. So on the way home from church after having had a discussion about how my mother in law feels we "never" ask them to dinner (not true it has been a while but we have) decided to call them and ask them over for lunch. Race home to make sure the house is inlaw ready and finished preparing lunch. It was a nutty day. Father in law took Christopher to Junior Bible Quiz because I had to stay home wiht not feeling well Jennifer and Mike was sick too. His church does not have service on Sunday nights so we go to our other church as a general rule, where we are just members. (hopefully you are not to confused but I am writing this while sleep deprived). Anyway, this morning after another sleepless night, I get up, get out the door to take the kids to school late all while having words with Mike. Not a major arguement, but one of those irritated with each other disagreements and had to explain to my 4 year old, daddy did not kiss mommy because he has a cold. NOt because mommy and daddy had a disagreement. Jennifer is still under the weather but seems fine during the day. It is night time she has trouble. So now I need to do laundry, clean house, pick up Hannah from school, go order her birthday cake for Sunday celebration (her birthday if Friday), go back and pick up Christopher........and the list goes on. Sometimes I don't feel like I can spread myself thin enough. But it has been a crazy weekend, and here I sit in my big sloppy shirt and sweat pants......looking all the part of a stay at home mom who is overworked and underslept. Regardless, when my sweet baby told me a while ago "I uvs you mommy" it makes it all worthwhile. Now, I really should get up from here and go put on some laundry, clean up the crumbs off the kitchen floor, start the dishwasher, make the beds.....clean the bathrooms........oh why oh why can't the EASY BUTTON work.........especially for homes.....well a Mommy can dream, can't she?

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Just As I Am

What a grand and glorious thing, that HE loves us just as we are. We don't have to be rich. We don't have to be pretty or skinny or tall or perfect. We don't have to clean up before we get to know Him. We don't have to be perfect to keep His love. Nothing we can do will take us out of His hands unless we walk ourselves out. I make mistakes daily, listen to gossip, lose my temper with my kids, get mad at my husband for things beyond his control. Yet, my Savior, He keeps on loving me. When I throw my temper tantrums and whine to Him; He listens. He loves. He finds ways to let me know He hears me. I am so glad He loves me, Just As I am. When doubts overwhelm me with discouragement, He loves me. So that being said, Why can't I just except that, trust Him and let go. Why, because I am human and He.....He loves me...Just as I am.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Dear Mr. President/President Elect/congress

Do ya'll really get what it is like to live as the "average American"? Your definition of middle class is far above what my family recieves. Yet, my husband and I and our 3 children try to eek out an existence in a economy that is reeling. You all say we are not in a recession. That does not compute. When a parent has to choose between feeding their child, buying groceries or paying a bill, that my friend is a recession. I am a stay at home mom, yes, by choice. However, that choice is made because to put my child in day care would cost most of what I would make. You say you know what it is like to live on little. Somehow, I do NOT believe that. I do not believe you have ever skipped meals so your children would have food in their mouths. I do not believe you ever had to let your child go without birthday presents or Christmas presents. Yet thousands in this country to. My kids, thankfully get to eat every day. Yet there are some children in THIS nation that go to bed hungry. There are children in THIS nation that have no shelter, no bed, no warm coat. Why? We are supposedly the greatest nation on earth. Where is the proof? I have a medically needy child. I have insurance but it does not pay enough to help with my child's needs. We stopped therapy because insurance would only pay a small amount. Countless families with children who have greater needs than my own, go without. In a nation, where we delcare we are free, families are entrapped by debt beyond their control. I am not talking consumer debt. I am talking medical debt and the sheer effort to keep their family, clothed, fed, and sheltered. While congress and high government officials get raises we get nothing. Why can't people who are making 6 and 7 figure salaries take a pay cut instead of laying off the people on the bottom of the ladder. It does not make sense that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. What is our national tragedy? That people in our nation have to scrape just fo feed their families while they are "just above the limit for assistance". Maybe one day, all children can be equally fed, equally clothed and get equal medical care. But then again, maybe not because only the rich deserve cars with the highest rated safety standards. Only the rich deserve the best insurance and medical care. Only the rich deserve the best education, while the rest of us are not worthy. Sad isn't it. But then again, do you really care, after all you will not go to bed hungry or cold tonight.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Wordless Wednesday on Thursday...

cause I forgot yesterday........and meant to post something.......LOL

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Conversatioins with a 4 year old

I guess she is closer to 5, seeing as she will be 5 on the 14th of November but she is so much fun to talk with. On Sunday, I was having stomach cramps, I'd had a bit too much homemade chili the night before. At 40, chili does not treat me the same as it used to. Anyway, she said "Mommy I know what's wrong, you have a baby in your tummy". I said no honey, God gave us 3 kids and that is all we are going to have". She said "I will pray about it". She walked over in front of the living room window and prayed. I do not know what she said, it was between her and God. She then comes back to me and says "Mommy, I prayed, God said YES"....

She is unaware my tubes are tied and without an act of God there will be no more children. But it was so cute.

She has a bright, imaginative, creative mind and talking with her is incredible. Her ideas while sometimes way out there are full of hope.

When you talk to her about what she wants to be when she grows up; she always says Mommy. But quickly adds she will be a princess too. She is so grown up sometimes. Recently she was talking about how sometimes "the "debil" makes me want to be bad but I tell him to go away and leave me alone". IF we all did that, our world would be a better place.

About the election, despite who her Mommy and Daddy are voting for she has made her own choice. "I am voting for Obama. He talks a lot and says good words and is nice". She has seen him with his children and thinks he is a good daddy and being a good daddy makes you a good person in her mind. She doesn't understand that you vote for a candidate based on a lot more than that. But I wonder, how many voters do vote based only on such characteristics. She is a preschooler and has a reason to think of only those characterisics. Adults have greater responsibility. Some who are not voting for Obama in my real life friends/family think I should have told her to not vote for Obama or that NO we are voting for the other candidate. But I think I should let her speak her mind. If she wants to "vote Obama" that is her choice and she was so serious and so cute. Why stifle her thinking and her own ideas. So we have at least one Obama supporter in our home...based on the fact she thinks he is nice and cute and a good daddy.......LOL. Who I voted for is unimportant, what is more important is that my child believes she is allowed to have her own ideas and voice them in her home without ridicule or restraint.

I can't wait to see what she comes up with next.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Faith, doubts, struggles and trials

God did not say we would never have doubts, struggles or trials. But He did equip us with faith. That doesn't mean it is always easy. Today, I struggle with trusting when there seems to be no answer. Our family has been walking through the wilderness, it seems for some time. While God is answering prayer, it seems for every answer the enemy of our souls makes another strike. As I type my journal entry for today, I have no idea how we are going to feed our family this week. We need groceries BADLY. We had to pay the rent and there is nothing left. Jennifer keeps complaining her ear hurts but we have no money for the co pay. I know that I know my Lord is in control. I feel like I am at the bottom of a deep, dark barrel. I know He hears my cry. I know He sees my tears. Yet, I feel so alone in the bottom of this barrel. My husband works 3 jobs! We know God called me to be a stay at home mom. We know God called us to ministry, yet the struggles are so hard. I work not to doubt. The Bible says to have doubt is to be double minded in all our ways. Yet, to trust God in times like this is harder than I can even say. At the same time, I know of families in worse shape than we are. There is no way I can help them because we are barely staying afloat in this economy ourselves. I know trials are a part of our walk with God. At the same time, sometimes, I wish we could have it easy for a while, have plenty for us and plenty to share. God is faithful and He will come through. I am just trying to hold on through the storm, knowing He is by my side and will never ever forsake me. That is comfort. He didnt promise NO storms....but He did promise we will make it through.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

War wound from the potty front

Jennifer is doing pretty good with the potty. Actually going several times a day and has done the poop thing too. We are making progress. She even woke up comletely dry from nap today and held it for a while before it dawned on me she had not been potty in a while. So off to the potty she went and had success. However, earlier today she was getting off the potty and either missed the stool or it wasnt there....not sure.....I was in the kitchen, Mike was in the living room. Anyway, she fell head first on the floor. She has quite a red knot on her forehead just under her hair. She seems fine except when she got up from her nap she seemed to have a headache. We gave her tylenol and she seems fine. No other symptoms. But yep, she has an injury from falling off the potty. Poor baby.