Monday, August 31, 2009

As the Deer

As the deer panteth after the water so my soul longeth after thee......

My Lord, my God and my King. I long for more of you. I want to spend more time with you; yet I let things, people, stuff get in the way. I NEED you. I can't do any of this alone. Why is it, we who love you, struggle so much to do what we should in spending time with you. I know people who talk about how much time they spend with you. It's like they never struggle, never leave you out, never put other things in the way. But these self same people judge me for what they see me lacking in. I try. My heart wants to spend time with my God.....but I let STUFF get in the way.

Tonight I sit here...having accomplished little of nothing today, even with the Lord and I am feeling sad and alone and tired and weary. It has just been one of those days. The sun will come up tomorrow and I will feel better. Yet in this moment........I want to cry out to God and let the tears flow but they will not come. There really is nothing to cry about, but I feel the need. Yet, some kind of dam holds them back.

I make plans for each day and rarely get them accomplished. I am really, truly PHYSICALLY exhausted ALL the time. I mean ALL the time. I know I need to get this checked. That takes money. My kids physical needs come first, between sinus infections, and asthma and check ups, the funds just haven't been there. So I am praying for a miracle. A miracle of energy and strength.

I have not lost what I gained at the conference, but today has just been a bad day. My God SHALL supply ALL my needs: physical, spiritual, emotional, right now.......I wait......I wait upon the Lord .......longing for show me where to place my feet.