Wednesday, January 30, 2008

In the Midst of the Storm

Sometimes life seems like all it does it throw storms at you. The waves are higher than your head and you are overwhelmed. Christopher has been so very ill. Last night we ended up at ER with him but thankfully he was not admitted. Every moment of his last few days he has struggled with the very effort to breathe properly. Few were the moments of easy breathing. He is beginnning to rally, praise God. With all of that is the fact health care is expensive and unless you have the top insurance, it is not easy to bear. Add in normal household duties and trying to keep your well children well and feeling like they aren't neglected. Some days it all becomes too much and you wonder, can I do this? Can I make it out to the otehr side. Then you realize for some reason, you have more energy than you thought was possible. You have strength coming when there is no strength left. That is because in the midst of the storm there is someone holding my hand. My Lord goes with me and understands. Where I am weak, He is strong. He has given me a husband who doesn't mind doing all the laundry because of have gotten behind. He gives me children who are loving and kind. My Hannah helping her brother lovingly to walk after painful injections in his legs and saying "Come on Honey, I will help you" as she holds his hand and walks him to the couch or table or wherever. The baby loving on her brother, patting him and saying "bo bo" (cause she can't say brother). All these little things show me that in the midst of the storm, there is always hope. Though I have been unable to spend hardly any time with my Lord, He knows I have not forgotten Him. He knows my heart, He sees my pain, and He loves me. I also find out as I am coming out of the other side of this storm, I am stronger than I was a week ago. Something in my very soul has changed. In the battle, once again (for we have fought this battle many times) for my son's very life, I find that surrender is the key. My son was so ill yesterday that I was afraid he would stop breathing. As we rushed him to the hospital we called on friends and churches to pray. Christopher was almost unresponsive to us, and fighting for every breath. God moved on the scene. By the time we got to ER he was a bit better and was not in acute distress. His oxygen level was lower than they would have liked but not low enough for him to be admitted. Now, medical doctors only go by what they see at the moment they examine the child. Most do not believe in miracles. When you tell them how sick your child was moments before they look at you like you are nuts. But I KNOW how sick my son was. I don't know if any of you know what I mean when I say, "I felt my son's essence slipping away". Everything that makes him who he is, was fading. The sparkle in his eyes was gone. His love to talk and communicate was gone. Everything in him was simply working to breathe. As my son faded before my eyes, I prayed. God once again, spared my son. In the midst of the storm, Jesus came in and He said "Peace Be Still". My heart was calmer than I ever thought possible and my son began to improve because people prayed. Prayer works! Plain and simple, Prayer works. In the midst of the storm, there is one action to take PRAYER! My son is a walking, talking, breathing miracle and I praise God for him. My girls are miracles too because in the midst of the storm they were little angels and their loving kind natures came shining through. In the midst of the storm, HE is ALWAYS there. Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He just gives you the strength to weather it. To God be the Glory, Honor an Praise for He alone is the Master of illness, fear and chaos. Because when He speaks, things happen. When He touches lives are changed. I know the ONE who has all the answers when there are no answers to have. God is still in the miracle working business people! MIRACLES DO happen!

Friday, January 25, 2008


Christopher has pnuemonia. He is home but on round the clock treatments. He has received two doses of powerful antibiotic via injection at the dr's office. He has lost 2 lbs! He is one sick little boy but at least he is home and not in the hospital. It has been a rough week. My house is a wreck and I have fallen far short of my goals for Bible study, prayer, housekeeping and much more. I see some people who are able to do it all and keep their house clean and organized and tidy. I wish I had better skills at that. I am a work in progress. My patience level is sorely tested this week and I feel like a hypocrit. I just lost it with Hannah because of her continued disobedience and am going to have to apologize for losing my temper.....but I am so angry right now I sent her to her room to be alone. She has pushed me this week to the point I smacked her! I did not hurt her, well not physically, but I lost it, competely. I am at a loss of what to do for her disobedience, deliberate, willfull, right in my face disobedience. I am so angry I could cry. She is a good little girl, yet lately she is behaving horribly. I feel so much anger right now it freaks me out. I love my children. Yet, the anger I feel right now does not feel like that counts. I am ashamed of losing it with her. I am GLAD I sent her to her room though. I should not have smacked her so on the bottom but I did. Why do I let a child push me to this point? It has been such a stressful week, with little sleep and I know that is NOT an excuse......I am so tired and weary and I need God to do some things in me and for me. I can't put into words what I need right now.

Please Dear God: Forgive me for losing it with Hannah. Don't let her heart be damaged cause Mommy acted like a brat throwing her own tantrum. I hate when I do this Lord. I know I am a human being but I am an adult. Please God forgive me and help me soothe my child with love and patience. Give me wisdom to help her obey. I can not do this without you Lord. I can not be a good mommy without you Lord. Help me be the Proverbs 31 mom, sewing seeds of love and gentleness instead of anger
In Jesus Name Amen

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Why Is It?

That I feel I can't brag or tell others about how truly smart my children are. Too often I downplay their abilities to others, not in front of the kids but I really don't tell others all they can do. For example, Jennifer had her 18 month checkup today. And in development she is at least at a 24 month level if not more. Yet, I don't share that on message boards or here very often. For one I dont think people will believe me and another is that I dont want people to think I am trying to play my child against theirs. I am proud of my little girl. She is tiny, weighs 20lbs 1 ounce barely and is 29.5 inches long. The doctor and nurse even said she was smart. I dont want to boast out of turn but I also do not want to down play their abilities. All 3 of my children are smart little cookies and God has blessed them mightily. I praise God for them, every part of them. I have so much to be thankful for!

Monday, January 21, 2008

colds, sniffles, upset tummies and Mommy Duty

The girls both have colds and the sniffles which make them quite crabby and cantankerous. Christopher woke up this morning, tossing his cookies, uhmm, for the sake of those with weak stomachs, poopie issues, and complaining of severe abdominal pain and back pain. So I took him to the doctor. At the doctor, the expected a child who had been puking all morning to pee in a cup. Well they sent me in the bathroom with my 7 year old, who thinks he is to big for mommy to see his private area to get a sample. To add insult to his humiliation, he had already messed up 3 sets of clothes and needed new underpants before we left for the doctor. Now, I had to wipe him with a special aneseptic cloth before collecting the pee. So I dab and swab and he has this look, like what in HECK are you doing. I explained as we went along but still he was so embarrassed. Finally, he squeezed all of about 8 drops and even shook it to try and get more out, which I had to fight to keep from laughing cause as sad as it was, it WAS funny. He was quite serious about it. Anyway, to make a long story a little bit shorter, they had to send a cup home with us to try and collect enough for a sample. It took all day! Finally, my husband arrived home to save the day. He came home to bring the stop the poopie medicine and Christopher was able to provide the much needed sample for Daddy. After all, he is a boy and that is a Daddy's job. So alast, Mommy Duty apparently has its limits. I can clean up puke and poop and other such stuff but apparently is not in the job description for Mommy to collect urine in a cup from a 7 year old boy. We still don't know if he has a UTI, hopefully we will know tomorrow. Yet in all this, I have discovered my son has reached a mile stone in boyhood. He is much to old for Mommy to help him with anything to do with his private area. After all, I am a girl. Poor kid was so embarrassed me having to help him. So here I sit at the computer glad he is feeling better, sorry he has been so sick today and yet a little sad because my little boy is growing up too fast. Doesn't need or want Mommy for some things. Perfectly understandable and natural but all the same hard for a Mommy to realize her one and only little boy is growing up way too fast for her. In the blink of an eye they grow and mature. While it is a good thing, it is still bitter sweet. Pride in their progress does not change the fact that to a Mommy, her little boy will ALWAYS be her baby.

A note to my readers and favorite blog authors: I will get back to reading and commenting more when all 3 of my children stay healthy long enough for me to have uninterrupted time on the computer. Having my attention divided is not conducive to blogging. I can email or do message boards but to do serious blogging I need uninterrupted time to compose my blogs. So bear with my my friends, I will be more active, eventually.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

5 in a row

5 in a row Meme

I tag anyone who reads this to do the same

1. Name one thing you do everyday:

Put on my glasses, othewise I am blind as the three blind mice.

2. Name two things you wish you could learn:

Spanish and like Shawna to take good pictures.

3. Name 3 things that remind you of childhood:

Cabbage patch dolls my girls got for Christmas, Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I made the kids for lunch, popsicles.

4. Name four things that you love to eat but rarely do

Steak, mexican food at a good restaurant, chocolate icecream

5. Name five things that make you feel good

my kids smiles, cuddles, blanket just out of the dyer, a bubble bath, the smell of my freshly washed and lotioned baby.

Monday, January 14, 2008

and the day goes on

I made the girls a home designed lunchable with ham, crackers and cheese. The loved it. Then we had play time. I have to do my devotional time after I get them all to bed in a few minutes, there just has not been a chance because the baby has been crabby. My Mom and nephew came over and Hannah and Dougie played all sorts of pretend games. Jennifer played her own little games and hung on Mommy or Nanny half the time. Picked up Christopher from the bus, did homework, dinner etc. Now I have Jennifer in bed and the other two are going momentarily. Mike is at his 2nd job and I MISS him already. So as soon as they get in bed I will have my Mommy time with the Lord. I did get some accomplised but not all I wanted.

I am on a quest to find affordable healthy meals. I am trying to cut the fat, increase veggies and fruits in our diet. The cost of fresh fruit and veggies have goine up astronomically but I am determined for our family to eat healthy. Half our meal tonight was veggies instead of the usual 1/4. I am also going to do research for grocery co ops, you know where you can do volunteer work and then pay a low price for a bundle of groceries that include lots of things. I know that have it in several states I figure I just have to find it in my area. Usually that not only saves money but it also has pretty healthy choices in the bundle. Time will tell.

Today has been a good day. I have had my moments of frustration and aggravation and have had to fight snapping at the children, but while not perfect I have done pretty good. I am a work in progress. So I know I have done what I can today and God has blessed another day. There are still needs and worries God has to take care of because without Him there is no answer, but God will have to work that out. Worrying about it will not help me. So I leave it in the hands of my Lord and ask Him to carry my burdens......cause He is better at it.

A day in the life.....

of me......

My day started at 3 am because I woke up unable to sleep. Believe it or not the Lord has given me a message to share with a congregation. I don't know when, and I don't know where but it was burning in my heart last night. I will begin working on it today. Finally, at 5 am the Lord let me go back to sleep, after thinking and praying and pondering what He was writing on my heart. It is a work in progress. The alarm went of at 5:15 am and I lingered in bed while Mike took Christopher down for his morning treatment before breakfast. The baby woke up at 5:30 am and I joined Mike and Christopher downstairs. My dear husband put together Christopher's lunch and breakfast, what a blessing. I decided to change what Christopher wore to school today as it was COLD......20 something degrees. Brrrrrr, for us Florida transplants we are freezing. I cuddled with Jennifer and supervised Christopher getting ready for school as I tried to pull my brain together in something other than sleep deprived fog. My husband walked Christopher to the bus stop and took his morning walk. When he returned, I got dressed and took my walk. The cold......was invigorating, yeah, that's it, invigorating. But I will do more exercise this year. I came home and gave the girls breakfast and actually made myself eat breakfast. I have started a load of laundry and am working on house chores. FUN......uhm, maybe not fun but I will try and see it as fun. I let the girls play with some ladies shoes. They had a blast. A friend gave me some shoes to try but they are too big so I will need to pass them on to someone else. But the girls got into the bag of shoes and were much to cute to stop. That is it thus far, but the day still has much to do. Jennifer is sleeping and Hannah was hiding playing with her brother's game boy(she is not supposed to have it). So I just had to do some correction. I guess in her mind because her back was to me, I could not see what she was doing. Kids are so funny, even when they are naughty. Both the girls have nasty colds but no fever. I am about to do my daily devotions and prayer time, and then we will have lunch as soon as Jennifer wakes up from her nap. I have much on the plans for today and hope to get it all accomplished but if I don't get to everything, tomorrow will be here. After all, sometimes it is better to let kids play with shoes than it is to have a spotless living room.

To Be Continued(if it isn't too boring)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

A Fresh Year.....

A fresh page and a fresh start that is what we have. I want a fresh start and a fresh me for 2008. I have things to improve and grow in. Like flowers, my life is always blooming and changing. I have to cultivate my mind, will and emotions, through prayer, Bible Study, reading books, talking to people, learning from my mistakes and being willing to listen. I don't make resolutions but I do want a year of change. I think this will be a good year filled with blessings and adventure. As with all gardens, there will be storms, weeds to pull, twigs, thorns and so much more. But with the help of my Lord, my family and my friends we will make this year count. I want to say by the end of 2008, I have accomplished greater and deeper things that impacted our lives and the lives of others for the better. I want my life to count. So Here goes.......come on 2008, let's see what new and wonderful things we can discover together.

The First Bath

I was inspired by the author of Mommyhood Essentials to write about one of my very first bathing experiences, with my first born. He was maybe a bit over a week old and very tiny and frail due to undiagnosed medical issues, but at the time, ignorance was bliss. We had already the the official 1st bath with pictures and both mommy and daddy etc but this was the first time I gave him a bath alone. He was so fussy that day and I thought perhaps a warm bath would calm him down. At least that is what the "BOOKS" say. We bathed him in the sink on a sling designed to fit in the sink. Now mind you I did not take into account how awkward this thing had been with 2 parents bathing a wee baby who really did not find bath time very amusing. (In fact he hated, it, see my faulty reasoning already?). Anyway, I got all my tools while he lay blissfully in the bassinett unaware of what his loving mother was about to do to him. Now, why it did not click that quiet baby meant he had calmed down? I have no idea, but I was sure it was just what he needed. I cranked up the heat in the house so the kitchen would be warm. Got the water ready, tested with my elbow at least 15 times, plus my wrist, and the little bath duck themoter. Alas the little prince's bath awaited. I picked him up and stripped him to which his responses was screaming bloody murder. He HATED with a purple passion being naked. I truly did not realize how slippery and wiggly such a tiny baby could be. I slipped him gently in the water trying to talk softly over his livid terrified screams. He hated water. At last I put a large warm wet bathcloth over his belly and he calmed down. EUREEKA, I thought I had discovered the secret. And I began soaping him and singing to him about washing his body parts. Then, it all fell apart. I picked up my now very soapy baby to wash his back, and he slipped SLURRRRRP.......SLOOOOSH.........SWOOSH right out of my hands into the water. He went under as it was a big single sink not a double. For mere f lash of a second I froze in horror at my baby screaming silently under the water.......then grabbed him up crying my eyes out as he screamed in RAGE! (can you imagine how he liked baths AFTER that). I wrapped him in a towel and ran for the phone.....thankfully I called my husband BEFORE I called 911 or they would have thought I was a lunatic. I dropped the baby under the water I say.....he says well he sounds fine, he is screaming! I am like but he went ALL THE WAY UNDER in the SOAPY water.....don't you think we should take him to the HOSPITAL! I am post partum and sleep deprived mind you so all this made sense to me that my child would have horrific consequences. I said but the soap could poison husband just listened to me rant and freak out with the baby screaming by now cold and naked in the towel as I tried to talk to my husband and soothe the baby at the same time. Finally, It clicked......if his lungs are well enough to scream that loud.....he is fine. So I hung up with my dh, dressed the baby and fed him and quiet reigned again. When my husband got home the baby's cold bath water and baby sling were still in the sink. From them on I bathed him with towels under his bum to support him so I didnt have to pick him all the way up to to his back but could lean him forward on my arm. Ahhhhh you live and learn and I am proud to share that bath time is now one of his favorite times of day, well as long as no water goes over his face.......hmmmmm, do you just kidding he was not scarred for life and was over his rage as soon as he got a bit of Mommy Milk..

Preschool Sermons

Today I have Douglas (Theresa's little one) and he and Hannah decided they wanted to be preachers and took turns preaching. I took notes.

Hannah's Sermon: The Bible says you should cook and sing and not do preschool but read stories. Jesus wants us to come to heaven and help Mrs. Margret be better. He wants us to be good to our families (she named everyone...I shortened it for space sake). And the last thing.......turn you page to this....Bad spank em and have an ascussion with em and .........turn your page to this..........bad guys should say sorry and not be bad ANY MORE! Let us sing .

Dougie's Sermon: We pray 1st Dear God help us not do anything bad and be good amen. Turn your page and open your Bible to this. People should not throw any tantrums and clean up when they are told. I think we CAN do it. Jesus does not like us to do naughty things and loves us. And Jesus wants us to help people. And wants us to go to heaven. And Jesus Kicks the devil out.

Oh my word, I had to keep a straight they are singing again and are going to play mommy and daddy and babies........this should be rich........cause Hannah just said I am going to get a baby in my tummy, walked up to Dougie with a doll, held up her shirt and said "OH Dougie can you put this baby in.....I told them to play like their babies were already born..............I do NOT need them playing they are putting babies in each other's tummies.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Ramblings of a tired Mommy brain

That is just what this post is, rambling. As I try to get back in the swing of blogging, I feel like my brain is working through mud. The kids are just being kids, I have many tasks that need completing, and many worries on my mind. So here I sit compelling my brain to find an outlet through my blog. Yet, the words will not come. I long to have one of those blogs people just want to read. Yet my brain will not cooperate. 2008 is already proving that life changes and challenges will need to be faced. Yet, I lack the energy today to face any of it. Not of my plans/goals have been met today. Things I want to do, I have no energy for. I know it is due to sleep deprivation but still I just want this year to be different. I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, child of God. Yet, I have to struggle not to see my failures. I want what God wants. I want my children healthy, whole and growing in all areas....mind, body and spirit. Yet, I need to nurture those things. Good intentions are rampant but the energy to follow through is gone. My prayer is that God will help me find what I need from Him to be who I want to be. Having reached 40 years of life, sometimes, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. Yet, I know that is not entirely true. I have bright, happy, good children. A loving, hard working, Christian husband who admires me. I have so many blessings, so I don't feel like I have the right to complain. I try to always find the postive in things but some days I just get discouraged too. Yet, I feel like sometimes people expect I should never get discouraged or tired or without the ability to make it throught that day. My children rely on me so I struggle and muddle through on those days. I have tried to read my Bible today but it just hasn't happened. I could not concentrate on the words. I need something today, that I can put my mind on. My children are upstairs sleeping, my husband is at work, the supper dishes are in the sink and the table is not cleared. Yet my focus and energy and strength are gone. My hearts desires which shall remain between God and I are IMPOSSIBLE. We have so many financial needs I cant even explain. While I know God will supply I still get discouraged yet, feel like people think I should be ever strong about it. God has met our needs I KNOW that but there are times I just want to sit in the floor with my favorite blanket and sob. Yet, If I did that, I would feel weak.....I am not writing this for sympathy but to purge my soul. This is a place I can write out feelings and let the chips fall where they may. I am expected in real life to always be positive, upbeat and the strong one in so many areas of my life at home, with extended family at church......etc. But here I am, tired, worn and discouraged like a gull fighting against hurrican breezes to get to safe harbor on the shore. The waves seem to be overwhelming me and I can't hold on......or that is the way I feel today. Why can't I have a turn to cry? Why can't I have a turn be be discouraged.......Lord help me......I am so tired.

So Tired

My inlaws were here for 19 days and I really think it threw Jennifer off schedule. She hasn't been sleeping well and has been coming in bed with us so her crying would not wake up my inlaws. Last night I just patted her, covered her, soothed her etc and did not pick her up. This happened at least 5 times. Hopefully, tonight will be better. Have you ever been so tired you could cry? That is me.....and no nap in sight as the girls don't nap at the same time. Hopefully, I can get Jennifer back on schedule. She is a child who NEEDS a schedule. In any case I hope this works and she starts sleeping through the night again soon!

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Alas, I am back for real this time....

I thought I was back when I last posted but ran into unforseen issues with our "new" computer. However, thanks to a smart hubby, I am finally back up and running. We are now protectedvia a new firewall, etc etc. In any case, being back on line is WONDERFUL.

Updates, where to begin? I have no idea. In late November, Christopher had a bout with severe asthma attack but we weathered it with God's help, a great doctor and NO HOSPITALIZATION! Can we say MIRACLE! I have pictures I will post later that shows how hard he had to work to breath and how bad he looked but how he recovered as well. We also knew that for our house Santa would not be making a stop or if he did that there would be very little under the tree. However, our family was adopted by some people in our church, without us asking. The kids got toys and clothes. Hannah got an African American cabbage patch doll and she said "Mommy I always wanted a brown baby, they are so pretty". Anyway 'Josephine' goes everywhere we do. Hannah feeds her, sleeps with her, doctors, her and declares I am Josephine's grandma. My child is thrilled with her doll. Hannah says all the time God made us all colors and He loves us very much and that is why I got a brown baby. I am proud with her grasp on the fact color has NOTHING to do with love. My Mama heart bursts with pride. Jennifer got a newborn cabbage patch doll and loves him. However by far her favorite two toys were a fisher price "piggy bank" for toddlers from her Aunt Theresa and a rocking horse my mil gave her after Christmas she found on sale for $5! Christopher received toys and clothes as well. But someone in the church gave the children's pastor a gift for him because and I quote "that little boy has blessed us so much." It was a get this.................Wii ! Yes, people a Wii ! Christopher had been asking for one for a long time but we told him no and not to expect Santa to leave him one. He told me that God could tell Santa to leave him one. I said Well I guess but God really cares more about our needs than our wants. Christopher just smiled and nodded as if he had a secret with God himself. I guess he did. And once again my little boy's faith proved stronger than my own! Who would have ever guessed an anonymous stranger in a church we have only attended 4 months would do such a thing! I am humbled, awed and inspired to work on my faith.

Mike has gotten a new job in avionic technical work. One of his great loves. This job will mean a raise and better hours and leave us available to find a church to pastor. We are still feeling the pinch of little $$$ as the transition is going to be a bit tough as the new job does not start until the 14th. For a while he will be working the new job plus half time at Walgreen's to keep our insuance in place during transition. As for me, nothing new to report but that I am determined to grow in the Lord this year like never before. I am determined to show the love of Jesus more than before and find all the blessings God puts in our lives each day instead of complaining about the trials I will learn from them.

That is it, in a very large nut shell but it is good to be back and watch the beginning of a new year unfold. I turned 40 on Jan 1st and I know great and mighty things will happen this year, I just know it.