Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Since some time last week...it has been rough around here. I decided someone must have posted take all your frustration out on Thelma.....she can take it. People have judged me all week......some implied I am not a good mom cause I spend "too much time on Facebook or the computer". The thing is they don't know what I do in my house....how I leave Facebook up all day and do something on there for a few minutes between chores and such. Could I do better? Yes most assuredly but do I deserve the invalidation I have received no. It was even implied by someone that I do not have a "REAL" job.....after all I am just a wife, a stay at home mom, a baby sitter and a pastor's wife.
Today is another struggle to not get angry. To not be hurt....in in that effort I will blog about it and get it out of my system. How often do people judge others by what they "see" when in truth they are not seeing the whole picture.
There is a song....on Christian radio.....can't think of the title...but in one verse it talks about a Mom and her kids being disruptive on the bus....someone speaks to her and she says to please let it go cause they were up all night because their daddy died......in another verse people are yelling at an old man about driving slow.......and its cause he has to go visit his wife.....but people judged them on one part of their lives.....never thinking about what might be going on. That song has been on my mind a lot lately. Because at the moment I feel like the recipient of such judgements. People do not know what is going on in my life. They don't see that blogging and doing Facebook helps me not lose it sometimes. It is God's gift to me......to keep me in touch with the world....when I have been babysitting and caring for my home and family. Could I use that time better.....most assuredly...and I am trying. That being said....I am a work in progress.
So I said all that to say.....when we judge people based on one event....one statement or things we don't know....we can hurt them deeply. I too have judged others.....we all have.....but after the week I have had.......I am more aware of it. I want to treat people with love....not judgement. My way is not always the right way. My opinion doesn't always matter....sometimes the other person would be better off if I just kept my mouth and ideas to my self.
Father...forgive me for judgements.......help me see others the way you see them......and not the way I think they should already be. We are all works in progress. Do in me......what you want to do and help me to love.......like Jesus......
Posted by Unknown at 8:46 AM
Thursday, May 28, 2009
1. I can lose time when on the computer on my blog or on facebook both of which I love. I have been able to reconnect with friends and family through facebook and my blogging......well it is like a diary to me.....helps me work through things.
2. I am very, extremely disorganized but can't find the motivation to change....although I want to teach my children to be organized...I have the want to but not the energy.
3. I weigh more than I have ever have not pregnant and it bugs me to no end...but doing something about it...takes the aforementioned energy which I have none of.
4. I want so spend far more time with my Lord than I do. Too often I get to the end of the day and I have barely called out to Him...yet alone read His word.........I am a work in progress..........again the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
5. I know I must give up my addiction to Dr Pepper in order to lose some weight......but I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed my Dr Pepper........and have yet to feel I have the ability to give it up. Again....the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
6. I want to be a better mother.......I used to read with the kids and play with them more....lots more...I feel like their childhood is slipping away and my lack of energy or the whatever it takes to push through that lack of energy is unfair to them. I pray that this summer my goals I have set for myself and my children will remedy that. Recent events with extended family had brought it to the forefront and I know I must change.......and I know I must act not just talk about it.
Posted by Unknown at 6:19 PM
Finding joy in the journey some days is a choice. Realizing you can't let someone else's pity party rain on your parade is a choice too. I reflect on yesterday's events and I am not letting the events mar my memory of my sweet girl graduating Preschool. I choose joy.......joy in chaos..........joy in the pain.......joy through the rain........I choose JOY.
As I sit here watching my children play and knowing these moments are but for a moment.......I can not let someone else's issues effect them or me.
Joy despite heartache......is possible........but not easy. It is only achieved through Jesus...and sometimes you have to push through....fight for it.....am doing that.
Forgiveness is a part of that...is it easy......no not always. Forgiving my children for cutting each other's hair is easy.......forgiving someone for causing conflict and emotional pain on such a special day.........not so easy. But Jesus said I must forgive.......not that I am a better person.....but because I am forgiven......so I must forgive.
Today is a new day. The sun is shining....my children's laughter lights the room with energy and vitality. The sound of their joy......warming and touching everything around them.....like the sun on the morning dew.
I am blessed and I am a child of an almighty King......who has saved and forgiven me to the uttermost. I am His child and He finds joy in His children....just as I find joy in my children. We delight Him......as much (more actually) as our children delight us. You are a delight to the Lord......He longs to talk with us.......commune with us......comfort us.....strengthen us.......all we have to do.....is Go to Him.....He is upholding us.......waiting for us...to call on Him for all we need cause He can and will provide it.
So today.......I find joy in the journey.......and I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus my Lord.
Posted by Unknown at 8:18 AM
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
And yet again with family issues.(outside of our immediate family)..I did not take the bait laid before me to react because
1. I am tired of it and must be respectful of my elders.
2. She laid the bait for me to have a response at my dear daughter's Pre-K graduation. Could she have not laid herself and need for attention aside for one special day. After all she is an adult!
3. I am fighting against the pain in my heart and I REFUSE I tell you REFUSE to let the enemy win.
4. Love isn't qualified by frustration with ones loved ones...i.e. just because you frustrate me and cause me to be infuriated does not mean I will stop loving you.
5. The enemy is in a battle to destroy families and I for one will not let the enemy destroy mine......that being said.....I will not let the enemy use others to attack my family.........
post interruption: Oh Lord Jesus above....help me now.....cause my son who is 8 years old just let my 5 year old cut a HUNK out of his hair.....on the top of his head......can I crawl in a corner and cry now....good thing he is a boy cause daddy can give him a buzz cut.......
back to post......
I know that I know the enemy is working over time and wants to defeat me...I REFUSE. I stand in the gap for the people I love and I ask my Lord to rescue the perishing....the souls that are drowning in anger, self pity and bitterness that threatens to destroy them. I LOVE MY family....my immediate family and those extended family that need a mighty healing from the Father above.
I will be so thrilled when I can post a post not filled with negative happenings. I am trying to find joy in the journey.....but my husband and I feel battered on every side......as we fight to keep the enemy out. As for us and our house we WILL serve the Lord and we ARE more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. And this too shall pass....I just pray on the other side....we will have fought the battle with love and valor and Christ will get the glory......for it is ONLY in HIS strength we can stand.
update to hair cut fiasco: Please tell me one day I will laugh....I asked Hannah WHY she cut his hair..she said cause he cut mine.....I looked......and oh my word he cut it off short in one area in the back.....it will need to be cut to match.....I am crying....it has taken 5 and a half years for her to have enough hair to put into small pony tails.....I am so upset...I sent him to his room til his father gets home....I rarely use that tactic! I will keep you updated.
Posted by Unknown at 4:22 PM
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
It is not me who entirely pigged out yesterday on my husband's hamburgers...he marinates his in a sauce of his own making then bbq's them....to say they are yummy is beyond description...you do NOT need ketchup on them...that is for sure. We had no leftovers and now I wish we did.
It is not me who decided to get on the swing at the school despite me having vertigo...because my 2 year old asked me to.
It is not me who almost passed out with no one but me and her on the playground.
It IS ME who is thankful I stayed conscious and was able to get to the shade and sit down.
It is not me who is behind on laundry yet again....no of course not.
It is not me who is feeling weepy cause my little girl graduates Pre-K tomorrow.
It is not me who is wondering ........why sometimes it is harder to keep your mouth shut than holding back the tide.
It is ME who through God's strength kept her mouth shut today instead of responding to the trap that was laid for me.
It is not me who put a Dr Pepper in the freezer to get all frosty and is hoping...hoping....hoping I don't forget to take it out.......cause if I don't take it out.....I will have Dr Pepper icicles hanging from the top of the freezer yet again.
It is not me who is insanely happy school is about to be out for the year! I love my kids being HOME!
It is not me whose 5 year old already wants to know when she can go back to school! LOL
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Today I was dealing with some extended family issues...(not my hubby or children)....which not only caused this person to lash out at me unfairly and make statements that were unfair and untrue it hurt deeply. It brought up painful past issues. Healing is a process. Not always immediate nor recognizable. I lost it with this person and did lose my temper at the end and left crying. I will apologize for losing my temper...however I did nothing wrong. I did not do or even think about doing the implied. I have already forgiven....but in the path of the chaos I am left hurting and aching in my heart. I feel like I will never be what this person wants me to be. I can't. Only God can. I am a human being with feelings. I have no where near arrived. I have much to learn. While I don't feel it yet.....I hope this pain in my heart brings growth. I do not want to ever hold onto resentment or pain......because when its held onto it turns into bitterness. A bitter person wreaks havoc on those around them. I am a recipient this weekend of a bitter person's tirade. She lashed out of bitterness and not truth. I know that but it still hurt.
I am thankful for my husband who just held me while I cried......after I came back home. Growth can come in many ways....sometimes a simple rain shower brings it....but sometimes it takes a storm......and while the storm might leave some damage it an also clear out the chaff and bring about greater change cause it cleared the heart for new things to be planted. So here I sit in the aftermath praying that good can come of this. That what was meant for pain and self centered attention will turn to good. I love this person.....but the negativity and bitterness.....has to change. This person can NOT live like that...it isn't healthy for her or anyone around her. So I am praying for her and that a miracle will be wrought and that I will learn what I need to learn to be better and I will grow from it. That I too will change what I need to change so that my response when faced with such an event again will not be what it was today.
Posted by Unknown at 11:26 AM
Friday, May 22, 2009
I was applying sunscreen to Jennifer's head because even the top of her head sunburns because she has so little hair...LOL. And I could not resist taking the photo...the expression she did all by herself..LOL
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Over the weekend I was sick with a nasty cold.....I felt so awful and on Sunday had to call out of keeping the nursery. I took benadryl and slept most of the day.
My kids....prayed for me and it blessed me.
Christopher was praying for me and said "Dear Jesus help mommy feel better and refresh her...her...her....just make her refreshed when she wakes up".
It was so precious. The girls prayed for me too and I thought I would remember what they said.....because it was beyond adorable and I wanted to remember...but having taken benadryl I could not function enough to write it down and now I can't remember....but suffice it to say....their child like faith blew me away.
They pray simply because they want too. Too often I say I'll pray about something and get distracted......and don't pray about it right then.......and have forgotten the request......we have all done that...but my kids don't think twice about praying NOW! I need to take that lesson to heart.
As of late God is teaching me more about keeping my eyes on Him despite the wind and waves....as long as I keep my eyes on Him...I can walk on water...the minute I take my eyes off......I sink into despair...frustration and so much more. I am trying to keep my eyes on Jesus even when the storm...small or large makes no sense. when I can keep my eyes on Him.....I walk on water of victory....joy and faith. The storms quiets and the waves seem like nothing....cause my eyes are on Jesus...the master of the winds and the rains......so I am praying I walk on water more instead of letting my eyes and faith get distracted by the circumstances.
Posted by Unknown at 8:31 AM
Friday, May 15, 2009
My sister gave me a book this week...a small book entitled "What Sisters Share"..and it contains thoughgs and memories of what sisters are to one another. In the margins of the book she wrote comments.....about our childhood...our sisterhood our lives together. Being a twin....we shared something......something beyond description or comprehension. The bond is eternal.......and began from the moment of conception since we are identical twins......we have always been together......even before we were actually conceived........together as the same egg......that then split too form two identical yet two entirely different human beings. Some would say that is a dichotomy...impossible.........but that is the thing with twins.......they have the same genetic make up.....but God puts into their souls a unique and individual spirit that makes them who they are.
As I read the book and watched my daughters.....I looked at the amazing bond they already have. What Hannah does.....Jennifer wants to do...begs to do....longs to do. This week Hannah had to have a shot to prepare for kindergarten coming in the fall. Jennifer started crying that she wants one too, so she can go to school. When I told her no...she was quite upset......but finally said "I hold sissy's hand when she get her shot"....ahh......love in action...holding your sister's hand during a shot. The nurse however, could not allow it for safety purposes.....but after the shot......Jennifer petted her sister and kissed her and said "it ell be ahhh right"...(it will be all right). Precious...I tell you...precious! I want my girls to have a deep bond and not rivalry.
When we do get a house....some say we should get the girls their own room...but they want to be with one another.......they want to share a room. I hear them at night swapping their baby secrets.......giggling and talking and sharing their lives...their day...their hopes and dreams........of course a very child like version but it is beautiful. My girls..........sisters that are growing a deep bond that is blossoming each day. Yes the days will come that they argue or disagree or even down right fight.......but what they share now is only the beginning.
I hope that one day......they will look back with the precious memories my sister and I hold.........and treasure their girl hood together. That the images brought up by being sisters will be that of love and fun.
Which brings me to yet another bond of sisterhood. Sisters born of the spirit. Born together because of the family of God. The connection through Jesus binds us together to be a support to love one another and to unite with women who may not believe in the Lord Jesus.....but to have a bond because we are women who have heartbreak and joy........who have triumph and tragedy but can share and bear one another's burdens. Our job as Christian women is to love all women, men, boys and girls with the love of Christ. That single mom some despise.......she is out sister too.......struggling to raise her child alone and feeling lonlier than we can ever imagine. That older lady......alone in the world and who wants to talk our ear off......because she is lonely.....she is our sister too. That lady who is lost in a world of sin, drugs...or whatever......she is our sister too......crying out.........crying out for someone to care that she is well her........a unique special individual that just needs someone to care. And our offers to help may be rejected......but we can still pray........pray that our light will shine into the dark world.......showing that true believers are people of love and not judgement.......people who understand that pain.......is the great equalizer.....for bad things happen to all......but if we can help each other triumph in tragedy perhaps....we can reach just one......just one for Jesus....and it will matter. So regardless of whether that woman God is dealing with you about is saved...unsaved......related or a stranger that keeps crossing your path......remember she is your sister.......for God created her......and He has a purpose and a plan for her that involves you.......or He would not lay her own your heart. God has laid someone on my heart..........and I plan to to somehow touch her life........even if she doesn't know that is what I am doing....I will pray for her daily and I will love her.......and hopefully I can help her through the trials she faces.........the harships she is walking through. I pray God will use me to love my sisters.......all of them...........blood kin or not.......let me reach them for Jesus.......and in doing so reach all those around me for my Lord.
Monday, May 11, 2009
that life.........though hard and filled with trials......there are those who have faced deeper trials....walked harder paths...endured greater sorrows......and that He walked with EVERY one of them. Just as He walked with them...He walks with me...even on days I feel so overwhelmed my head aches and my bones are weary and my heart wants to sit down and shed a thousand tears...He walks with me. I am NEVER alone.
Tonight our local news featured a Mommy blogger...from..Bring the Rain...it is her story...the story of a precious baby girl who in her very short time upon this earth changed her world. The story of a mother, a family whose faith in the face of sorrow and loss grew ever stronger.
I am humbled......I am in need of repentance for taking the naughty things my children do for granted. I am in need of getting down on my knees and thanking my Lord for what I do have and for having "stumbled" across this story for in so doing one little girl, named Audrey......had changed me too.
Dear Lord,My Savior, My King:
Let me be every mindful that every moment with my children is precious. Regardless of the times I have to clean up messes that aggravate me. Regardless of sleepless nights...these moments.........ALL of them...are GIFTS from a mighty God.......a God who formed these precious children within my womb and created their destiny in Him. All He asks is that I nurture every moment......moments that feed the destiny He ALONE has created for them to do.
When my children cry.......He cares....when my children laugh.......He laughs. When my children are afraid or worried He holds them too. I do not do it alone...for when I hold my children in my arms.......He is holding me......helping me be strong......He is my strength and my fortress.......and He wants to grow in me things I can only imagine so I can nurture the beautiful things He is growing in my children.
To God be the glory and praise for the wonderful creations He has made......in my children........my husband............and the blessings I have.
Posted by Unknown at 6:38 PM
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Hannah drew this picture when we were doing our devotions. It was about creation. She drew herself on the earth watering it and beside the earth is "God...watering the whole earth with His watering can".
I love this and it just makes me smile when I look at it. I love how she drew God so big. He is HUGE to her and I always want her to think of God as HUGE in her life.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
We are attending a Kids Crusade. Last night Jennifer did not want to be left out when the minister asked who wanted Jesus in their heart. She raised her hand and insisted on going to pray. Now I know at not yet 3 she does not really understand what it means to accept Christ but there is no way I would ever deny my child's request to go forward and pray. Even if she is just praying for God to bless Mommy and Daddy and help me be a good girl......I will let her. She was so cute praying with Mommy. Anyway, on the way home I talked to the kids how when we accept Jesus in our hearts He does not leave nor forsake us. Just because we make mistakes doesn't mean He walks out of our hearts. All we have to do is admit to Jesus we are sorry and to help us do better and He will but He will never leave nor forsake us.
Then Jennifer pipes up and says
"I tell you sumpin Mommy"
"I gived Desus my ball"
Now to some this would be a silly conversation proving she knows nothing about giving herself to the Lord......but I say she just preached a sermon with those simple words.
She loves her ball, she loves playing with her ball and it is one of her most favorite toys. She just gave Jesus her favorite thing...what she considers her best! What a message! If we gave Jesus our favorite things...our best things.......what could we do for Him?
Oh and I had to repent from holding some things back from the Lord.......cause I forget sometimes and try to hold onto the things I should leave in His hands.
Monday, May 4, 2009
It is not me who forgot to write down some link and email addresses when I changed computers so that I dont have them in my list.
It is not me who needs to be doing some much needed laundry instead of blogging and playing on Facebook.
It is not me who let her son stay home from school for what appears to be a mental health day instead of making him go to school when I knew he wasn't so sick he could have not gone. Tummy ache does not equal missed school...but to be honest I really think he needed some time with just mommy...and him and I had a great mommy and son talk.
It is not me who wants to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and sleep for hours...cause.......well I am just tired.
It is not me who scheduled to much this week and should have said no to someone she said yes to....sigh.
It is not me who has no idea if she has the nursery on Thursday night or not.
It is not me who feels bad because we can't afford to do the spring fling at at the kids school...
It is not me who is insanely happy that school is almost over for the year.
It is not me who bought herself cheese puffs and will not share..after all I "always" share since I am trying to teach my kids the value of sharing...LOL.
It is not me who thinks my son is 8 going on 18 and wonders how much more time I have left before he gets to "big" to cuddle.
Posted by Unknown at 12:10 PM