Friday, March 28, 2008

Dealing With Frustration

Dealing with Frustration

When you are raising a toddler, a preschooler and a school aged child, you will have to deal with frustration. If it isn't the chocolate hand prints on your just cleaned windows; it will be the blocks that just magically landed in the middle of the living room for your foot to find. Then add in the husband(significant other) that wants attention as well and what is a mother to do?
You can put your hands over your ears and scream. This would feel really good but perhaps gain you attention from neighbors you didn't wish to have. You could lay down in the floor and kick and scream like the aforementioned toddler. However, this could possibly scare the pants off of your children and have your darling husband call medical professionals. Then there is the chocolate option. Eat every piece of chocolate in sight while muttering under your breath that you wish you could have one minute of peace and quiet and that you are sick and tired of certain behavior. Then rest assured, these words will come back to haunt you during your children's pretend play. I overheard, my 4 year old telling her dolls " I am sick and tired and I need a doctor cause he can give me some peace and quiet and you will have to have pink medicine to stop the sick and tired and don’t forget we gotta go to the lady shop and buy some peace and quiet for mommy". Yes, these words will haunt you.
So it boils down to walking out of the room and finding something physical to do. Attack that tub with a vengeance or mop the floor with gusto. In those rare moments you can't walk out of the room, perhaps you will have to resort to sitting in the middle of the floor and crying your eyes out. But rest assured frustration will pass. Just be creative, count backwards, start doing jumping jacks and your kids will stop in their tracks. Probably, in my case cause they are shocked by my midsection bouncing like a bowl full of jello. It works and gives you the added benefit of exercise. Just remember that one day.......those who have made it pass each stage we are going through tell us they look back on these years with fondness and humor. These childish moments will pass, even when it is mommy being childish. We all grow up, even us mommies. Frustration is temporary but love lasts a life time. So I am trying to, emphasis on trying, to remember in the middle of those most frustrating moments to remember that this time is fleeting and my kids are growing fast. One day I will miss that chocolate covered face print my baby daughter just put on the carpet after she stole MY chocolate covered marshmallows and devoured them.
Yes........this too one day will be funny.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Trusting and Letting Go

I trust God to watch over my children, yet at time it is hard to trust the life of my son in the hands of others. With all his allergies, I often worry when he is not in my presence or the presence of his father. This little boy is always trusting. Yet for myself, I battle worry. Tonight my son is at Junior Bible Quiz Practice and they are having a meal and dessert. He has his alternatives with him. And I have no reason to mistrust the people he is with. They have been very good about his allergies and needs. Yet, deep in the recesses of my heart, I find that I have a hard time letting go and trusting others. Letting go, a part of parenthood. Letting go, something we must do to allow God to take over our lives. Letting go, is NOT easy. Letting go means trusting He who is higher than us to take care of us and trusting that His plans are greater than our own. Yet at the same time, the letting go process, is harder than you can ever imagine. When you have stood at your child’s bedside, watching his very life slip from him, it is hard to let go. However, God has never failed me. Every time I have let go, my Father in heaven always, always has fulfilled His promises. He has always given my son back to me. Yet these, small ways, of letting go, the daily letting go is still hard for me. Maybe, one day when I do learn to let go, I will not have to walk through the trials of letting go, over and over again. Jesus said, "Come unto me for my yoke is easy and my burden is light"........why can’t I do that? Why can’t I let go and let God? I have no idea, but I am working on it. Thank God, He is patient with us. So in the process of letting go, I am believing for a miracle in Christopher’s life.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Burger Baby

Yep......I think she needs a bigger mouth.......LOL. Church Easter Egg hunt picnic.....oh and did I ever mention my wee baby girl likes to eat......even when the burger is as big as she is......LOL

More pictures

Spring Break

Ah yes, it is wonderful to have your child home from school. Yet at the same time he does not have the distraction of school and thus he is a bit wild. I asked him do you act like this at school? He looked at me like I had attenae growing out of my head and said "no". So I said why do you act like this at home? His answer: "I dunno". LOL. I have nothing really planned for this week other than the normal. We really can't go anywhere because of having only 1 car. My usually, imaginative brain is sleep deprived and I can't seem to come up with some good ideas to keep them busy. If it is warm tomorrow we will go outside and do chalk drawings or something. I wanted to build a fort in the living room with blankets, pillows, boxes, etc. I told the kids they needed to clean up an activity first, 1 hour later, they are still "cleaning" it up. I used to have such great ideas BEFORE I actually had children. Now that I am sleep deprived and have no energy so the creativity tank is dry, bone dry.

I also have other things I need to get accomplished like spring cleaning and sorting through outgrown clothes, toys and the like. The list seems longer than possible. I have the desire to get it all done but not the energy. One of these days my husband and I will be able to give our kids wonderfully fun spring break, but for will have to be "fun" created from a tired and exhausted mommy brain, not to mention the pocketbook is empty so there is no funds to spend for day trips to anything or anywhere. So I am off to search for some ideas.

If anyone knows the recipe for making goop out of cornstarch let me know, or any other in expensive ideas for the rest of this week. I will also use them this summer, so just because spring breaks gets over, don't hesitate to post ideas to use for fun, cheap entertainment when kids are off school.

Monday, March 24, 2008

It has come to this.....

Our finances are so difficult right now. My husband works hard. But we can not afford healthy insurance at the new company.The new company charges at least 600 dollars per month for eoverage. We can not afford that and eat and pay rent and utilities. If I went to work what I could earn would all go to day care and after school care costs. With Christopher's needs we can not afford to go without insurance, plus I have to be ready to pick him up on a moments notices if he has a severe attack or eats something by accident he is allergic too. I have tried to find kids to baby sit. I did get one ingquiry but she wanted me to watch 3 kids ages 6-11 from 3:00 pm to 10:30 pm at NIGHT! When would I have time for my own children. I would be raising her kids in the afternoon and helping them with homework etc and they would be at school in the day, when would they have parent time. I can't raise someone else's kids at the expense of my own family's time. Coverage from his old job runs out at the end of the month. So today I have applied to state covered insurance through Tenn Care for kids, for our kids only. We are not applying for any other assistance despite the fact we could probably qualify and use it. But I pray I so pray we can at least get insurance for the children. We are so frustrated. We have cut expenses, we don't eat out or go to movies.....or if we do it is once in a blue moon. Easter......our kids got the bare minimum and my inlaws bought their Easter outfits.

Years ago I worded for the office that determines benefits for families in need. Too often I saw workers judging the people who came in and asked for assitance. I said then and I say it now. we are all one paycheck away from needing assitance. When you have to choose between feeding your kids or taking your sick child to the doctor for medical care it is time to ask for help. Today's society makes it shameful to ask for help even when you legitimately need help. You don't even want to mention that you have applied. But we have to do something. Our income is below the poverty level for a family of 5 despite how hard my husband works. God has met our needs but with insurance running out we MUST do something NOW. I hesitate to mention it but you know my kids needs have to come above my pride. I hope and pray they approve us today. Oh God please, cause my babies need insurance. We could probably qualify for foodstamps and it would help but myself and my dh do not want to have to jump through those hoops unless applying for medical coverage does not help the situation. My husband can't get his head around having to ask for help as it is, he would feel even worse if we had food stamps. He feels shame because he says he is not a good provider.....but the man is doing all HE can. He is working. He is NOT lazy and takes whatever shift or hours he is given.

So off I go to see if I can get some help for my kiddos. I will post later in reply how it goes.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Let me tell you about my kids

Disclaimer: This entry is all about my favorite people in the whole world and may go on and on and be aware this may be a long read.

I love my dear, sweet husband. He is the man God gave me and planned for me when time begain. As deep as that love is, I really discovered what love is when I had my kids.

Christopher is our oldest(for those who are new readers). He is 7 and in the 1st grade. He was diagnosed with asthma and severe life threatning allergies at 12 months. Countless times I have held him in my arms not knowing if he would take his next breath. I once heard someone say, it is just asthma, it isn't like he could die or anything. The ignorance of that comment astounds me. We have almost lost my son several times. His life force, the light in his eyes was slowly fading and I was losing my child but God intervened just in time. Christopher is a tiny boy. He is 7 years old and wears a 4 toddler. Yes, you read that right. He is 33 lbs and about 41 inches tall. He may be tiny but his faith is HUGE! He is the first one to say "mommy can I pray for you". He is bright and energetic and full of vigor. He loves to read and is currently reading on a 3rd grade level. He is a whiz at math. That alone thrills me because I had a horrible time with math. I still have to use my fingers to add simple numbers. Christopher is a loving, compassionate little boy. He hurts when others hurt and his soft heart amazes me. One day we were watching a show on television. I think it was Wife Swap or Super Nanny or something. The lady said, "I hate Jesus and everything He stands for" or something to that effect. I think Christopher was six at the time. He burst into tears and said Mommy we gotta pray now, that Mommy needs to love Jesus. Again, one day I heard him sobbing in his room. Gut wrenching sobs that shook me to my core. I ran into his room. And he was leaping into the air, tears streaming down his face, hands raised towards heaven crying out "Jesus, I just want to hear you, I just want to hear your voice". My word, my word I was humbled and awed by the faith of my child. I took him into my arms and said honey He talks to our heart, you can hear Him just listen with your heart. He said "But mommy, my ears want to hear him". I did finally get him settled and the senior pastor of our church came over to pray with him because Christopher was so beside himself that I had called them. Christopher then told me he had been praying to the Lord about being healed from his asthma and allergies and sensory issues. He was tired of being sick and different from other children. I explained that God will and is healing him but it has to be done in God's time. My son's love for God is beyond his years. While he is bright, and smart with school, the thing that makes me the happiest is his faith. I wish I had in my little finger the faith my son has. He astounds me. Who am I that God blessed me with this child? Sometimes, I feel his faith has grown beyond my ability to nurture. As I watch my son grow in faith, I know he may never be big in the physical but he is a GIANT in faith.

Hannah is 4. She is our little princess. She loves sparkles and pretend make up. She loves to dress like a Princess and insists that in the fall when she starts Pre-k it will be a princess school with sparkles. She is very bright as well and learns quickly, sometimes too quickly. She is my timid child, but once she warms up she is a delight to socialize with. She is also compassionate and loving. She adores her brother and her little sister. She worries about them when they are not with her. She loves the Lord too. Her prayers are sweet and filled with innocence. She thinks all people love the Lord and does not yet grasp their is evil in the world. She sees most everything in a positive light. She also tends to be the one who argues with the rules a bit more. She pushes her limits and tests them to see if they stand strong. I don't necessarily see this as a negative but something that needs to be channelled. I think it is okay to push the limits as long as you listen to your authorities and their guidance. At the same time, she is very sensitive to correction and is easily guided if I remember to use patience. She is also petite but more on her growth chart than Christopher. She has an imagination that would fuel Disney World. Seeing the world through her eyes is like a trip down the rabbit hole with Alice. To her the whole world is magical and filled with love rainbows and joy. She exudes joy for the most part, with the occasional pouty day. She is truly sparkly. She lives life with joy and adds joy to mine.

Jennifer, my last little baby is 20 months old. She is very tiny like her brother. She is our comedian. She does thinks to make you laugh and looks at you to see if you will laugh. She gets funny things on shows that I didn't know a child her age could get. She lives life with laughter. She is very nurturing. She is the first one to comfort a sibling who falls or is in time out. If one of the others is time out; she goes and sits with them on the time out bench placing her arm around them and her head on their shoulder. She hugs them and comforts them and pets them. It is beyond adorable. She rocks her babies and sings "wack a baby"(rock a bye baby) as she sways back and forth. She loves to dance and sing. Music is one of her favorite things. Jennifer exudes exuberance and sunshine. She is like the sun breaking out on a cloudy day. She lives life with gusto and is happy playing boy games as well as girl games. She thinks she can do anything and is afraid of nothing. Her daddy is her favorite person in the entire world. Everything and everyone disappears when daddy is home. No one can do it like daddy. She loves books and drawing. Her personality is still unfolding and she surprises me each day. She is a joy as well.

I could go on forever. I love my children. They have taught me more about faith and love than I had learned in all my years before becoming a mother. My children were a dream come true. They are my treasures, a symbol of love between my husband and I. They are gifts from almighty God and I am truly thankful for them.

Housekeeping Note

From hence forth I am going to be more selective about comments. This does not effect my regular readers. If you are leaving a legitimate comment it will be posted. However, if like this morning I find a comment with a link to sites that have potential to harm my computer are those of my readers your comment will be deleted. To the person that attempted to leave a comment on my page and then it lead to a site that tried to download something to my computer, that was just wrong. You have been deleted and reported. If you were a legitimate reader you would not have linked and run. It is people like you that make blogland hard to navigate at times. To my readers and legitimate visitors, sit back, relax and comment away. God bless you all.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Sort of Wordless WednesdayX3 pics

Sleeping in the sun
Dr Suess Day at school

morning sunshine

Joshua's Life Song

A tribute to a true little blessing and a warrior by his mother.......who has given permission for others to post it so the love story of Joshua can touch everyone. Like a candle burning in the darkness, Joshua's little light STILL shines through his precious family and all those touched by one sweet little warrior child.

okay I can't seem to make it display properly ......if anyone knows how, please leave a comment on what to do....I tried inserting it as a link, a video etc etc.....and I am not getting is the your tube link

and if that doesn't work it is under Joshua's life song on channel travellingmummy

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

God's blessings

Last night I was surfing the net. I stumbled upon the blog of a family with a very special child. I read his story, all of it and I have been blessed. His mother through good days and bad showered her child with love every moment of his miraclous brief life. Little Joshua, well , he is a warrior, he was strong and brave and beautiful. Yesterday, Christopher and I had another bad mommy moment about his eating. He had promised he would try eating spaghetti, so I worked hard to make it special. His eating is no better and he still only eats about 10 things total, if I am lucky and very little of it has good nutritional value. I made sure all the ingredients were safe for him and had no hidden allergens. He put the noodles to his lips and REFUSED to try any further. He did take two bits of the sauce covered meat but nothing more. And quite honestly I lost it. I yelled at him and told him "I have had it"! "I cant take it anymore", slammed his dish downon the counter and walked out. I have honestly had it with his issues with food. He cried, I cried and then we talked. But after I read Joshua's story, I realized this mom, would love to just be dealing with sensory issues, severe allergies and asthma. I was complaining to God last night about how hard it is to deal with and how I just want my son to eat like a normal child. Then I discovered Joshua's story. Really put things into perspective. Yes, the things I deal with are hard for me because I am living it. Having your 7 year old with issues that can and have threatned his life IS hard BUT and this is a huge BUT. I have to choose to be loving and patient with my son no matter what. He needs to know that no matter what his issues, Mommy is ALWAYS on his side. I was filled with despair in the way I reacted. I rarely act out like that and I made my son cry. I have repented and asked his forgiveness but I realize I need to focus differently. Instead of focusing on what he will not do or can not do, I need to focus on the beautiful , faith filled, bright little boy that he is. I have to TRUST God to heal him to the point he will eat and grow properly and if God chooses NOT to fix this that HE will give me the strenght to deal with it. Christopher is NOT growing properly or well but he has faith beyond his years. Despite his tiny size, he has faith to move mountains and a zeal for life that is beyond description. So I must focus on the positives. His issues are no where nearr what this sweet family has gone through and I sit and complain! So Joshua's story has helpled me grow. "And a little child shall lead them" true. For Joshua and his family have touched my soul. Time on this earth is but a fleeting moment to the Father. His ways are not ours. Mine is not to understand but to obey and follow Him. I do not understand why some children have to face so much in their wee lives due to "imperfect bodies" but like Joshua's mom said he had a perfect soul. I do not now why some children have to face other challenges but I do know, God is in control. He does not cause babies to be sick or children to have life threatning allergies, asthma and sensory issues. He however, cares and moves on the behalf of these children in ways we can not fathom or see. Hidden in the hardships of life are God's blessings even when we can't see them yet. God will reveal all to us one day, but in the meantime I will have to trust HIM! God help me be strong and courageous in the power of your might and face what comes my way with your grace and strength. Help me walk in gratitude for the blessings you have given me and the ones I have yet to find.

I never got back in

the other day after posting my comments and visiting some of my favorite blogs. Jennifer ended up sick again and we took her to the dr. Poor wee girl has had a horrid sinus infection and hasnt been sleeping haven't been sleeping well. FINALLY I can truly say my family is on the mend. Spring can not get here fast enough. I will get back to regular posting eventually. I did mean to do the Tag Shawna gave me but have been so tired I barely know my name , much less 6 words that describe me other than something having to do with sleep! LOL. Please bare with me my blogging friends, I am trying to get caught up and back to regular posting.

Friday, March 7, 2008

This year's FLU

Is HORRID! We all had it, hence I have not been on in a while! We were sick 2 and half weeks, really sick. Then I have had little to no energy and am just now getting back to feeling like coming on line. I am still very very tired and still coughing. But let me tell you having all 5 family members sick all at the same time, NOT FUN. The thing is recovery has taken forever. The kids did not get it as bad as hubby and I and I had it the worst. Ended up on cough medicine with codiene in it and was drugged out of my mind and still having to care for the kids. But we made it through and thankfully Christopher was the least ill.