Ahhh Sweet Relief and other ramblings

Finally, I think all of us are on the mend. We have all been under the weather even me. Finally, I feel well enough to blog. Now coming up with a topic today is a challenge but at least I am "back". Jennifer was sick, then me and now Hannah is coughing too but not as badly as the other two were. Finally, getting more than 2 hours of sleep was the biggest thing I needed. I was able to actually get some sleep last night. I feel like a new woman.

I am babysitting today. A sweet 9 month old boy and enjoying it. Even though he is almost as big in size as Jennifer he is still a baby. Jennifer is so toddler. It amazes me how fast my children have grown. While you want them to grow and develop, it is still bitter sweet. Knowing Jennifer is our last baby is sometimes beyond bitter sweet.

I held a little baby in the nursery on Sunday and he was so very precious it took my breath away. God is faithful. He knows my heart and He will give me children to love and care for through baby sitting.

I will also be adding another little girl in about 2-3 weeks. I will keep her Fridays and Saturdays so her mom can work. She is a single mom and little M is a baby that is ill. She needs a liver transplant or more importantly a miracle. I will blog about little M from time to time as I believe with her mother for a miracle. Little M. Is a tiny, little peanut of a girl with a loving, happy spirit. I have to be trained how to operate her feeding tube but other than that we are ready to go. I will get permission to post pictures of her for prayer requests and the like. Right now, little M is in the hospital being weaned off her TPN pump...not sure about what that means but it takes 10-14 days. It will be one less thing I have to learn to do. BUT if she needed me to learn I would.

I pray I can show this mother and child the love of Jesus. I am not sure of the mother's status with the Lord but God does and regardless I will be praying for her and little M daily. We are believing God for a miracle whether it comes through the hands of doctors or by a divine healing. God is able.

It has been a long, LONG day

We ended up taking Christopher in to the doctor. Since last Friday, he has been throwing up and running fevers off and on. One day good and another not. Sometimes it was from hour to hour different. He looks very frail and is very tired. He has been crying in pain and having to run for the bathroom a lot! Yesterday, he could not eat barely a thing. Today the same. We took him in and they ordered an abdominal xray. Which praise God did turn out okay. IF he does not improve by Monday then we will take him back and have further testing. For now, I am trying to push fluids and per dr orders let him eat whatever he feels like he can eat. He was 35 or 36 lbs........at the dr's office he was 33 but that was fully clothed. He looks VERY frail and you can see his bones even more than normal. The quest for the xray was horrid. First we were sent to one place and unknown to the dr, they were closed. Then sent to another and they did not take our insurance. Finally sent to children's hospital's diagnostic imaging center in Nashville, 30-45 min away. It was stressful. The report was good but my son is still suffering.

Because of his severe allergies, we can not give him ensure or other nutrient rich formulas often given to children with weight issues. He also has oral sensory issues and when he is sick these become more pronounced from his fear of throwing up. The fight to keep him healthy is taxing at times. Because of his asthma and daily inhaled steroids meds his immune system tends to have to fight harder. Add in his poor diet due to allergies and sensory issues and it is a problem.

He asked for burger tonight and fries. He ate a small amount and now feels nauseous so I have to give the nausea meds.

We are believing God for a miracle. Right now his biggest need is getting over this virus. But we also need God to heal him from his oral sensory issues. His limited diet is a detriment to him, add in the severe food allergies and I am at my wits end. God alone can do this. My son looks like death warmed over. He is usually a very active, energetic joy filled boy. Right now he is just too tired and weak to do his usual antics. It makes me realize how many times lately, I tell him to hush or be still when all he is doing is being an 8 year old boy and right now I wish he had the energy for those usual antics.

I am trying to keep a record of what is going on with him and may blog from time to time as we wait for his miracle. As in the movie, Facing the Giants...........I am preparing for RAIN while my little boy fights his Goliaths.

Pnuemonia Strikes again

Christopher has had a bad cold almost since his last asthma flare in September. It has now turned to pnuemonia. However, I refuse to let it get me down. He is NOT In the hospital which is a miracle in and of itself. His breathing is not as bad as it has been in the past. His cough, well its horrid. Makes you hurt just listening to him. He is out of school until Thursday, which makes 11 total already this year! Asthma and lung issues are really giving us trouble this year. He is such a trooper. Worrying more about missing school and school work than any 8 year old I know. He was given a 5 day antibiotic, where he takes a large dose today and then 4 smaller doses the next 4 days. I am just glad this time, he did not have to have the shot. Last time he had pnuemonia he had to have shots and it was horrid and he ended up in the hospital anyway. Hopefully this time, we caught it sooner. So, here we are facing pnuemonia and on red alert status with his breathing. His spirit, his joy and his endurance never ceases to amaze me. He is my little hero!

Could it really be that he is 8 years old? Wasn't it just yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time? 8 years ago today at 6:32 am Eastern time, he came into the world crying and peeing on the nurse(which he did twice). I was out cold under general anesthesia due to failure to progress, pre-eclampsia and a failed eipdural. Much about that day I do NOT remember, I was so drugged on magnesium sulfate for the preeclampsia. Unknown to me, they held my newborn son to my cheek and let him "kiss me" right after he was born so he could "smell mommy". Hours later, we rolled by the nursery, me on a stretcher and basically to drugged to know I was in the world. BUT, they laid my first born son on my chest. I looked into those huge, dark, alert and vibrant eyes and felt a powerful jolt, a surge of electricity as a mother's love was unleashed on her first born. Surely, the heavens stood still for it felt as if all time had stopped and it was just him and I. In those few moments, my life was changed forever. It was one of the most single defining moments of my life, the day I became a mother. Everything, I had always wanted to be, everything I'd always dreamed of came true that day. I had a loving husband and a child. I did not understand before that day; how truly incredible heart stopping and earth shattering love is. I wanted to live, sleep, eat and breathe motherhood. Of course, I was soon to find out......that is just what you do, even at 3 am when you haven't slept in weeks, you can't take off motherhood. It is who you are. But in those first hours......the magic of new life overwhelmed me. That my Lord and my God would bless me with such a gift and entrust me to take care of him; that was not only humbling but scary. How could I, someone who makes so many mistakes actualy raise this totally dependent awesome creation to be who God wants Him to be. Then God spoke in the quiteness of the early dawn the next day as I held my newborn son to my chest to feed him: I am with you, fear not for I am with you I am your God and I will uphold you and through me all things are possible. Do not be afraid for in your weakness I am strong and I will help you and teach you. Trust me.

God in all his infinit wisdom gave me a child who would face many challenges. Allergies so severe they could take his life, asthma so severe we almost lost him on several occasions and sensory issues that threatned his very development. Through it all God has been there. When he was 16 months old and lay dying in my arms; God whispered to my aching, breaking mommy heart......"GIVE HIM TO ME, give ME control". Tears running down my face, voice shaking with emotion, I said "Yes, Lord, I will." I leaned over to my dying child and whispered in his little ear. "Christopher, I love you. Daddy loves you. YOU mean the world to us. But if Jesus calls you home, go to Him. You will be okay and we will be okay". And at that moment I surrendered my child to my Lord. From that moment on my child slowly but surely began to get better. Why God chose for it to take place that way I do not understand. Why some mother's do have to release their children to the arms of the Father only to be seen again on the other side of glory, I do not know. But I do know my heart changed again that day. And although I still struggle from time to time with complete trust in my Lord..........I KNOW that I KNOW my Lord has my children in the palm of His hand. Christopher through his many illnesses has learend a deep faith in God. At 3 he told me "Mommy, Jesus and Mercy(his imaginary friend who we believe is his guardian angel) sit by my bed and tell me not to be afraid". Once when he was 5 and in intensive care he said Jesus came to see him while he was there. My child.......he humbles me, awes me. I have seen my child crying out, all on his own, with no prompting to hear from Lord. Trying to reach heaven with his outstretched hands raised to the heavens. My little boy cried out to know more of God. Yes, he is a normal child who makes mistakes and can be fresh and naughty BUT the faith he has is beyond explanation. I am humbled by my son. I am blessed to be his mother. Happy Birthday my son. You were our first child and each of you children have gifts God has graced you with that make you all so special, so amazing beyond words. You are a miracle my son. A miracle from God and I praise the Lord for who you are and all you are going to become......because my dear and precious son, God has great and mighty plans for you. Run toward the calling He has called you to. Do not look back but press on towards the calling Jesus has placed in you.
Love Mommy