Monday, November 3, 2008

Faith, doubts, struggles and trials

God did not say we would never have doubts, struggles or trials. But He did equip us with faith. That doesn't mean it is always easy. Today, I struggle with trusting when there seems to be no answer. Our family has been walking through the wilderness, it seems for some time. While God is answering prayer, it seems for every answer the enemy of our souls makes another strike. As I type my journal entry for today, I have no idea how we are going to feed our family this week. We need groceries BADLY. We had to pay the rent and there is nothing left. Jennifer keeps complaining her ear hurts but we have no money for the co pay. I know that I know my Lord is in control. I feel like I am at the bottom of a deep, dark barrel. I know He hears my cry. I know He sees my tears. Yet, I feel so alone in the bottom of this barrel. My husband works 3 jobs! We know God called me to be a stay at home mom. We know God called us to ministry, yet the struggles are so hard. I work not to doubt. The Bible says to have doubt is to be double minded in all our ways. Yet, to trust God in times like this is harder than I can even say. At the same time, I know of families in worse shape than we are. There is no way I can help them because we are barely staying afloat in this economy ourselves. I know trials are a part of our walk with God. At the same time, sometimes, I wish we could have it easy for a while, have plenty for us and plenty to share. God is faithful and He will come through. I am just trying to hold on through the storm, knowing He is by my side and will never ever forsake me. That is comfort. He didnt promise NO storms....but He did promise we will make it through.