Monday, October 8, 2007

Anger, frustration, arguements

I had an arguement with someone close to me, not my husbands or kids but still close to me. The details aren't important. What is important is that while I still believe my position was correct the way I handled it was wrong. All of us have the ability to react in ways that are wrong. Apologies only go so far. Repentance before the Lord and others is hard at times. Feelings get in the way. I feel bad because I reacted wrong. I still believe that what was happening needed to be addressed but I also know I handled it wrong. Why is it that with people we care so much about we have a hard time, at times, handling things the right way? I love this person and would never intentionally hurt her. I am trying to pray about the whole situation before I approach her again. I don't want to go down the same road of misunderstanding fueled by deep heartfelt feelings. The Bible says to be angry and sin not. That is a lot easier said than done! As I grow in God I know I must correct the matter. The Bible also says when their is ought with somoene you must go to that person and ask forgiveness and mend it. In this situation, I am not sure how, if that makes sense. It could make matters worse, just by bringing it up again. We did talk calmly afterward and in a way settle things to a degree. A small degree. Yet I no longer feel I can address the issues that need to be addressed with any manner of effect. I am perceived incorrectly and what I want to say obviously comes out all wrong and is perceived as a criticism. I was accused of being holier than thou, but I never said it or implied it. I never said this person wasn't on the same level or anything. She tends to feel things deeply, always has. She is a precious person who loves God but takes any form of direction, even given in love as criticism. I need things in my life corrected, we all do. I have learned over the years to take such guidance, as just that, guidance. But I fear she does not see things that way. I was asked for help yet it wasn't percieved as help, I guess. All I know is my heart hurts. Cause what I said was done out of love and a real desire to help. I did't mean to hurt her. I did get angry because of some things said to me, when I should have remained calm and that is where things went downhill. I tried not to talk to her while I was mad, but she inisted. I am the type of person that must process and calm down before I speak about issues I am mad about. I am not excusing my behavior. I was wrong. But I desperately need to calm down before I talk. Yet, I was not allowed to do this. I am no longer angry, but I feel something changed between us. Like I can't be totally honest about my feelings and I must walk on egg shells. This morning, I don't even know how to pray about it. All I know is I need God to fix this. My heart is hurt because of things said to me and I am sure she feels the same way. I make mistakes daily. I fall short of His glory every day. I want to walk in HIS love but yesterday evening I did not do that. I reacted. I don't know, I just hate anger, frustration and arguements. I hate conflict and usually avoid it at all costs. This has probably been coming to a boil for a while because I do try and avoid conflict. So it boiled over. That causes problems. When we hold things in til they boil over, people get burned. So now, this morning here I sit, in agony because I let my mouth get the better of me. Yes, I know apologizing is the answer, and normally I would agree. Yet, I fear it will be perceived the wrong way as well. I need to pray, just pray for God's wisdom in how to handle this. I am exhausted and drained and my love for this person will never change no matter what. Yet, I fear even going to her about it. Because if I sit down to apologize, all the issues will come right back up again and dredged out again. sigh. That is my fear. I ............I...........don't know what else to say..........sigh.


Mommy Reg said...

Father, I bring my sister in Christ Thelma to you now. I pray your words will come forth through her. That she will be able to step aside and let you speak through her. I pray that for the other person, that you will pave a path for Thelma and prepare the other person's heart. I pray for full reconciliation for this relationship. In Jesus name. Amen.

As I was typing this prayer out, Colossians 3 came to my mind for you.


Thelma said...

thanks so much....that means the world to to read Colossians 3. thanks again.

Anonymous said...

sweet thelma! we all fall short and must lean on our Saviour. one thing i thought of while i read your post, is to send a card to her letting her know you were wrong in the way you handled it. just being transparent that way can really speak Christ to people. and by sending a card, you are taking the "emotion" out of it.

we all mess up with our mouths. i have been reading Proverbs a lot (the chapter for the day of the month) and really getting a lot out of it regarding our mouths!!
blessings to you. REST IN CHRIST, give it over to Him, and let Him be your peace.

Thelma said...

thanks so much. Her and I have talked......and worked it out.......she seems to understand I was just trying to help. All is forgiven. I just need to learn to shut my mouth when I am upset, which I normally do...but if I have to I will bite my tongue.....LOL. But seriously our mouths can get us in trouble quicker than anything, that is why the Bible tells us to bridle out tongue. I read Colossians 3 and it really did help. thanks ladies. I think repentance and correction are not always as easy as we think but it is profitable. I think God is using this situation to take me to a new level in Him. Because when we do find a church I am sure there will be times my patience is so tested with someone who isn't as close as this person is to me and it will require greater patience and bridling of the tongue than ever before. So I am learning and a work in progress, as we all are. God is all comforting and He is using His word to touch me and let me know everything will be allright. God is so good! Oh and I am going to send her that card, will have to pick it up this Friday as that is pay day.....LOL. but off it will go as soon as I can purchase it.....and I think it will be a precious moments one cause she loves precious moments.