Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dear Jennifer

Mommy understands that you had a bad dream. I cuddled you and all the stuff we normally do. Why did it not work? I brought you downstairs and gave you a drink. I tried all my tricks so I let you watch Sesame Street at 2:30 am. You enjoyed it until you fell asleep in the chair with me on the couch.

I did not sleep well with Oscar and Elmo running through my mind. So now here I sit watching you like some energizer bunny playing happily. While, Mommy, Mommy needs toothpicks to hold open her eyelids. Seeing as how Mommy went to bed at 10:30, didn't get to sleep until 11 pm and woke up at least 3 times before you did at 2:30...I think I am low on the sleep tank level. That little bit of sleep I got between 4:30 and 5:00 and then awake again, doesn't really count.

Yes, you were adorable sleeping like an angel. Mommy was jealous. Yes, naughty, naughty Mommy was green with envy for sleep. And informing Mommy that you are not tired as we pull back in the space after dropping your brother and sister at school....is so not cool.

So next time, you have insomnia in the middle of the night, could you please try to schedule it on a night Daddy will be home the next day. (Of course I know you have no control over this, but one can hope).

So today, our trip to the library may be a bit delayed. We will get there but Mommy is moving slow.

Oh and have I mentioned, I do love the feel of your little hand in mine, even in the wee hours of the morning, as we walk down stairs together. The touch of your little lips as you give me a kiss and say thank you, priceless and worth all the world's treasures but for which I would not trade. The feel of your breath against my cheek as I cuddle you close, the definition of sweetness. You my beloved baby, are my last baby. So although I am tired, I really do treasure the lasts......the last moments of babyhood/toddlerhood. The last times Mommy magic really does work for nightmares and fears. The last times I have a child small enough to fit against Mommy and be curled up around in the sweetest cuddle.

I treasure YOU. I treasure your brother and your sister. While I want y'all to grow up and be healthy; it is so bitter sweet.

Lack of sleep was worth it, when you told me "I so wubs you Mommy". Mommy will make it through and you my beloved baby daughter will one day not need Mommy in the middle of the night. So for now, I treasure the fact you still need me to chase away the dreams that are not so nice. To fight the under the bed scary things and sing my made up lullabies in the time of night that is darkest before dawn. You are a treasure and I thank God for you.
Love Mommy