Sunday Musings

It was a lazy Sunday since church was canceled due to the icy conditions of the road. It was a bit weird not having church and staying home. I slept in until almost 10, thanks to my darling husband. WHAT a TREAT!

We took the girls out to build a snowman in the slush of melting snow. Christopher was tossing his cookies so he supervised from the window.

I was thinking, you know, it is these things the kids will remember. Mommy and Daddy building snowmen with them and sledding and throwing snowballs. They will not remember what they received for Christmas or birthdays on most years. However, they will remember, that Mommy and Daddy played with them.

These are the kodak moments of memory building. Cherished memories that will last a life time.

Just some photos

Hannah watching tv with Daddy





Our Karate Kid






Jennifer in her get up

Fun Snow Day Friday

Hannah in a Forerunners production

She is on a drama praise team at church. They did a production for the whole church on a Sunday morning. She did so good. She takes it so seriously. She loves her Lord so much.

My Day as a Superhero by Christopher

Typed as he wrote it, misspellings and all. This exercise was for thought production, not spelling. Although he can spell better than he wrote this, it was a paper he wrote in school during a brain storm exercise.(My thoughts or word corrections are in parenthesis.

My day was a grate day. I would travel all around the world and space. My powers are all the powers there ever was. Frist (first) I we3nt into ourter space to save an aline(alien) and the rest of the world.

My side kik is my dog Thelma. (giggle added by me, I am his sidekick?). When we found the perfict home in Mexico, we saved anybody and everybody. I would change the world. Every were I went, I would have the Bible, with me to gide (guide) me.

(Okay this made me melt, as a super hero the Bible would be his guide, can a Mama be any prouder of a child who says that.) I saved 1,000 people in one day. The next day I and no powers any more. It was a dreem(dream). That day I tride(tried) to fly but I couldn't.

The End

Little Mama

Recent photo of Jennifer and her dolly.

Not Me Monday

It is not ME who is putting off working out when I should be hitting the exercise like a mad woman.

It is not ME who is putting off the household chores today either.

It is not ME who is letting her 3 year old watch TV all morning.

It is not ME who is still in her pajamas at almost 11 am.

It is not ME who has so much to do that if she does not unglue herself from whatever the chosen sitting surface at the time is, will regret it.

It is not ME who should have gone to the Y today and done a real work out.

It is not ME who has a love/hate relationship with the scale. I can't seem to stop checking even though no progress has been shown on said scale after 2 weeks of making an effort to lose weight.

It is not ME who has to help the kids make valentine's boxes for school and has no idea where to start.

It is not ME who has to help her Kindergartner make a 100 days project but hasn't even started. It is due Friday.

It is not ME who is going to cheat on her "diet" and have some Chinese food for lunch. Although I will take advantage of portion control.

It is not ME who enjoys using her children's baby bowl to eat cereal out of so she doesn't eat to much. Besides the little sheep in the bottom are so cute.

It is not ME who will be counting the fit as a real work out, should I ever get around to it today.

Ahhh so glad none of that is ME!


Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Take time to pause

I go upstairs after putting the girls to bed. I hear their chatter and am about to correct them and tell them in no uncertain terms "Go to bed and Go so Sleep". I paused for just a moment and listened. Here is what I heard. They were singing their own songs, praise songs, they made for Jesus.

Hannah: I love Jesus, He lives in my heart. (She sang it over and over, so sweetly).

Jennifer: I got treasure, I got treasure, I got treasure...I pray to Jesus (She too singing it over and over so sweetly)

They were singing it in tune with their lullaby music box thingy. It was so precious. I am so glad I did not go rushing in. I am so glad I paused, and listened. For in taking time to pause, I heard nothing but sweet, precious innocence singing to the Lord.

And that was my treasure for all of time. When Mary pondered things in her heart, I bet it felt just like what I heard my girls doing. Such joy, such love, such wonder to hear my babies praising their Jesus.

Lazy Saturday

Saturday seems to be the day for pajamas, silliness and family time. We had a great day. We played the Wii, we watched movies, we laughed and we snuggled. These are the times that go by so fast.

Our kids enjoy these times. I wonder how long it will be before they have friends to see, places to go and things to do. Right now a lazy Saturday gives them and us great joy.

And if we don't get out of our jammies, who cares, we are warm, cozy and submersed in love.

Funny Friday

My silly Jennifer peeking through the liner on her princess dress. Excuse me Jenny, as she has informed us that her name is JENNY not Jennifer, LOL.

Thankful Thursday

1. We have had some warmer weather lately.
2. The kids are all well and no one, not one person in this house is ill.
3. I have a body that works, even if it doesn't lose weight like I want it to.
4. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, fits everyone, and never expires.
5. My Lord is always with me, even when I am my ugliest in spirit and action and deed.
6. My family loves me, even with wild hair and in sweat pants.
7. That my children have truly learned compassion for others.

Dear Lady at the doctor's office

Do you realize you made my day? When I was calling Jennifer to come and that it was time to go, you watched.

(Jennifer was playing with a video game they had in the waiting room. She did not want to leave. I said Jennifer that is one, then had to do that is two and finally Jennifer that is it, it is time to go. Just in a firm, no nonsense tone. Jennifer pouted but she came and I said you need a new attitude young lady, please find it, or something to that effect).

You said, dear ,kind, older lady, Good job you handled that well" I smiled and said thank you, but I wonder if you really know how much that made my day. You noticed a Mom doing something right and you made a comment on it. You hear all the time about people putting other women down about their parenting, but you my kind lady were so sweet. Thank you. I do not know you and will never see you again, but you made my day. Thank you.
A Mom who every once in a while needs an atta girl too.

Today....I have lost my mind...

I once had a brain but today is has been non existent. Kids being kids, tiredness, life...it tends to suck the brain right out of your head. The kids have been both cute and not so cute. Kids are kids. They have their moments, just as we do.

Jennifer is getting in on

the compassion for Haiti. Tonight she said I'll sing a song for them. She then proceeded to sing Jesus loves me. But you know she has a point. Jesus loves her and loves the people of Haiti.

I pray that my children will always have compassion for others. Because we can have everything but if we don't have love we are like a clanging symbol....making a lot of noise but accomplishing nothing. I want to be a melody of love.

My children sing a melody with their love for others and it is beautiful.

The Heart of a Champion

My son has it that is. He is 9 years old. Saturday we dropped some stuff off at Goodwill and he asked can it go to the people in Haiti and I said not honey it doesn't go to the Haitian people, and he was staring out the car window deep in thought. Suddenly he starts sobbing. I ask what's wrong. He said Mommy, I am just to upset about Haiti, it's awful. People died and they don't have water and food and the kids and people are hurt. I want to give my money to the people in Haiti, pulls out the 5 dollars he has in his pocket and hands it to me. My little boy..is so moved by the people in Haiti he could not speak. He wants to find a way to raise money for the Haitian people. My little boy is so tender hearted and precious.

Also last night we were watching a movie about Rosa Parks. It was not a violent movie but it did talk about what was going on at the time. He is old enough to watch it and we watched it with him. He said Mommy if I had lived then, I would have told those mean people they were wrong and I'd have made a difference cause I'd have helped Mr. King make a difference cause we are all special and God created us all and it is just wrong to be mean to people like that. I'd have stood up for them. My sweet boy.....can i be more proud.....he truly does have the heart of a champion.

Sunday Musings

Feeling poorly.......a bbq pork sandwich did not agree with me....not much to say.

The winner of a recent family game night

She beat us good too......LOL. In the game of LIFE....a 3 year old won it all......LOL

Past, present and future

Our ladies meeting this month was awesome. God really met us all there and poured out His Spirit on the ladies. One little girl accepted Jesus as her Savior. Another little girl, as is our belief in the Pentecostal faith, received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. Watching children praise Jesus and give their hearts to Him......indescribable.

The speaker gave a good message and one statement stood out and stuck with me.

We have to let go of our past to be in our present and go into our future.

This can only be done through Jesus. If we don't let go of our past, be it hurts we received, sins we have committed and been forgiven of, but that we still feel guilt over; we can not move on in Him. He needs us to let go and let Him have control. If we hang onto those things, we can not operate in the fullness of what He has called us to. We are saying, in a way, that Jesus was not and is not big enough to forgive, heal, and take those things to the cross as He did. We are saying, in a word, that what He did on the cross, was not enough to rid us of pain, sin, guilt and shame. His bore it ALL to the cross. He didn't just take some people's sins. He took them all. He did not bare some people's pain, sickness and grief to the cross. He bore it all that we might live. That my friends is the message. He is enough to erase it all. We just have to let it go. The moment we ask, it is done, BUT we have to let it go and put it down to get rid of it. We can't say "take this" and then still hold onto it.

What a message! It was powerful and it was awesome and our Lord met us there.

I am letting some stuff go. It doesn't matter if the people that hurt me in the past, ever said I'm sorry, forgive me, I was wrong. It matters that I let it go and not only walk in forgiveness but walk in the freedom of letting go.

I too often am guilty of holding onto things I should let go. I stew on it and let it simmer. I say I forgive and I mean it, but I let the pain of the event simmer. That is saying that Jesus is not strong enough to heal the hurt. He is strong enough. He did it on the cross before I was ever hurt. When I was hurt, He was standing there with me; taking the pain for me. Could He have stopped it? Most certainly, He could have. However, He being who He is, must let people make choices. Some people choose to hurt others. Does it mean that we are less important? No, it means that when people make wrong, free will based choices, people get hurt. Only the blood shed on the cross can erase that pain. And the person doing that hurt will only get freedom when they humble themselves and repent before a mighty God.

We can choose to break the power of the hurt by letting it go, regardless of whether the other person ever asks forgiveness. We then will be free. And the power of the pain and wrong will have no hold on us. That is the beauty of the cross.

So I choose to walk in freedom. I choose to let things go. I choose to believe in the power of the Savior who died on the cross. I choose to let God draw others to Him and change in them what needs to be changed. I choose to be free from the past, walk in the freedom of the present to be prepared to live in freedom for all eternity long, which is my future.

Proof the Prov 31 Mommy Goal is still in the future

Tonight I all but lost my temper and patience with my Hannah. She is a good reader for a kindergartner. I was doing her homework with her. She was working on the sounds of "ir" and "er". She knows all her letters phonetically. The words she was given she has read before. Tonight she decided it would be cute to play dumb and act like she had no idea what sounds "er" and "ir" made, much less the letter H or the letter F.

I had to send her to her room. She really and truly made me so angry because she is very smart. She pretended to not know and act like she was not going to figure it out. I have no idea why, unless she just didn't want to do it. I never EVER want my kids to dumb them selves down because of peer pressure or whatever

I am not totally sure why it made me so mad. I do have a clue but it is from my upbringing. I do not EVER want to put the way I was raised onto my children. I did explain to her, after I regained my composure it isn't good to act like we don't know something when we do. I explained she can not do that nor may she disrespect her Mommy.

I hugged her and cuddled her and reassured her that Mommy loves her no matter what she does. I love my children. I really do. I want what is best for them. However, I do not want them to settle for just getting by in anything. I want them to live up to their potential.

So.........this Mommy has a long way to go, to get to Prov 31 Mommy status. That woman was amazing. I am a work in progress. I know she is only 6. I have to allow for that as well. But why oh why would she dumb herself down (for lack of a better term). We encourage our children even when they make mistakes. We don't expect perfection or even all A's. But we do expect them to do their best.

Ahhh yes, one test Mommy failed........frustration 1 , Mommy 0. But tomorrow it can be frustration 0 and Mommy 1. Sometimes I do well with frustration, other times, not so much.

So here, I admit......I make mistakes. I am a Mommy that is growing and learning. I guarantee that there is not one mother on the planet that never makes mistakes, that never loses her patience, that never has to step back and give themselves a time out. I sent my daughter to her room, not for punishment but to gather myself. Did I yell at her....yes.....was that right......no but I did tell her I was sorry, we talked about it and moved on. But in being genuine in my blog; I must admit my failures as well as my triumphs. I am a work in progress and God isn't finished with me yet.

Not So Wordless Wednesday

The kids put on play for me. Christopher was the knight and here he is giving the "princess elf" her princess status. It was so much fun watching them. They were so cute.

Here is the princess thanking him with a kiss




And here is Queen Hannah and Princess Jennifer with the knight bowing to royalty. Somehow the princess elf has taken over the Knight's trusty stallion.

Queen Hannah in all her array

Dear Jennifer

Mommy understands that you had a bad dream. I cuddled you and all the stuff we normally do. Why did it not work? I brought you downstairs and gave you a drink. I tried all my tricks so I let you watch Sesame Street at 2:30 am. You enjoyed it until you fell asleep in the chair with me on the couch.

I did not sleep well with Oscar and Elmo running through my mind. So now here I sit watching you like some energizer bunny playing happily. While, Mommy, Mommy needs toothpicks to hold open her eyelids. Seeing as how Mommy went to bed at 10:30, didn't get to sleep until 11 pm and woke up at least 3 times before you did at 2:30...I think I am low on the sleep tank level. That little bit of sleep I got between 4:30 and 5:00 and then awake again, doesn't really count.

Yes, you were adorable sleeping like an angel. Mommy was jealous. Yes, naughty, naughty Mommy was green with envy for sleep. And informing Mommy that you are not tired as we pull back in the space after dropping your brother and sister at school....is so not cool.

So next time, you have insomnia in the middle of the night, could you please try to schedule it on a night Daddy will be home the next day. (Of course I know you have no control over this, but one can hope).

So today, our trip to the library may be a bit delayed. We will get there but Mommy is moving slow.

Oh and have I mentioned, I do love the feel of your little hand in mine, even in the wee hours of the morning, as we walk down stairs together. The touch of your little lips as you give me a kiss and say thank you, priceless and worth all the world's treasures but for which I would not trade. The feel of your breath against my cheek as I cuddle you close, the definition of sweetness. You my beloved baby, are my last baby. So although I am tired, I really do treasure the lasts......the last moments of babyhood/toddlerhood. The last times Mommy magic really does work for nightmares and fears. The last times I have a child small enough to fit against Mommy and be curled up around in the sweetest cuddle.

I treasure YOU. I treasure your brother and your sister. While I want y'all to grow up and be healthy; it is so bitter sweet.

Lack of sleep was worth it, when you told me "I so wubs you Mommy". Mommy will make it through and you my beloved baby daughter will one day not need Mommy in the middle of the night. So for now, I treasure the fact you still need me to chase away the dreams that are not so nice. To fight the under the bed scary things and sing my made up lullabies in the time of night that is darkest before dawn. You are a treasure and I thank God for you.
Love Mommy

Oops I missed Monday...

I was busy babysitting and missed the Monday post...this message brought to you by an overworked , overtired, underslept Mommy. Now back to regular posting.

Tried posting with yesterday's date but it wasn't posted yesterday...LOL

Sunday Morning Musings

(Having issues with blogger, post may or may not show up and does not have paragraph spacing as I selected. I will remove this disclaimer when blogger decides to correct itself.)

I sit here sipping coffee, while the girls finish breakfast. They were dilly dallying. Mike and Christopher are upstairs getting showers and such. Christopher will pretend to shave with his Daddy. He still loves to do that.

I will go up and get dressed shortly. It doesn't take me as long as my husband for some reason. We try to keep Sundays quiet and peaceful. That does not always work, but we try. Sometimes, we let them watch cartoons, sometimes not. A lot depends on their attitudes. So far today, everyone has had a great attitude. So this is a shout out to my family....."Way to go guys"!

Today Hannah will perform with her drama/dance/praise team the Forerunners in church. She will show praise to her Lord. I can not wait. This will the the first time we have seen her do it. This is the Jr Forerunners debut in front of the whole church. I am as excited as she is. When she does the practice you can see sheer and utter praise on her wee face. She loves her Lord. I can only imagine what my daughter has in store for her life.

It is bitterly cold outside, so this Mama is wearing a pants suit to church. My Jennifer wants to wear a dress so we will put stockings on her and hope she doesn't get to cold between house and car and car and church. Hannah must wear jeans as part of her Forerunner "uniform".

I will post pictures and perhaps a video later of my daughter.

As I watch my children blossom in the things of the Lord, I pray God will keep them on this path. That when they are old they will not depart from it. God is faithful. I see His hand on the hearts and lives of my children and I am in awe. God is good all the time.

Snow, TN style

Well it was more of a dusting, but hey it was snow the words of my kids.

My snow angels:

Christopher

Hannah


Jennifer

Life, the garden and husbands

Life it ebbs and flows. It has good times and bad. Hard times and easy times. Our Lord never promised us a rose garden. But, He did promise to walk with us in the Garden.

The hymn In the Garden has long been special to me. And part of the reason is this part.

I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. And the voice I hear falling on my ear the Son of God discloses. He walks with me and talks with me and tells me I am His own.

Did you notice? We come to the garden alone, but there He is waiting for us, to walk with us and talk with us. Why do we arrive at the garden alone. Well, simply because we have been trying to walk this life alone, under our own power. We are trying to prove we are strong enough to do it. Yet, when it boils down to it, we can not do it alone We NEED Him. We NEED His strength. So, when we take time to walk with Him in the garden and we talk with Him we find something more powerful than we can every imagine. We are HIS! We are HIS OWN. We BELONG to the SAVIOR. Do you know how powerful that is? It means we don't have to be alone. We have to get to the place we come to Him and talk with Him places besides just the garden.

I need my Lord. Today, I have had a moody day. Even if I chose to have a lazy, pajama day, I have struggled. My kids have been well behaved. It isn't them. It is me. I admit. I have not spent enough time with my Lord. I have been trying, yet again, to do it alone. Why? Because I am silly and think this time, just maybe, I can do it. When, every time I try, I fail.

When my husband gets home tonight. I think I am just going to let him hold me while I cry. It seems like I try to much to handle it all on my own. I never go to the Lord or the husband He gave me. I try to bear my burdens alone. Is it life changing burdens? No, it is just the normal stressors of life. Bills, not enough money for those bills, needs that urgently need answers, and the like. The same things everyone faces. I try so often to "protect" my husband from my feeling of being stressed out or down. When, he would love to help me bear my burdens. As wives, we too often usurp their protector role. Now, I am not going to lam blast him and tell him how awful it is etc etc. But I am going to let him know, "honey, I have had a bad day. Can you just hold me and let's pray about it together". Our husbands need us to need them.

So now that my previously mentioned pity party is over. I am going to go to my Lord and let my husband pray with me to instead of trying to carry it alone. God is faithful. He will answer my cries.

Pity Party

Here is the definition:(urban dictionary)

A way of experiencing grief, in which you spend your time feeling sorry for
yourself and whining endlessly about how icky(edited out a word I'd rather not use) your life is. Pity parties can
be just for one or for many people, such as maybe your friends and close people,
who will try to comfort you or just be there for you while you keep asking
yourself what did you do to deserve whatever it is that made you so sad in the
first place Pity Parties require the proper outfit, which is usually pajamas
cause you don't get all dressed up during those feeling-sorry-for-myself moments.
Also you should have no make up on or just the one from the night before; hair
undone as well. It also involves tissues, comfort food such as ice cream;
chocolate; potato chips; cookies; cake and candy. Low fat food
is banned. The purpose of a Pity Party is to dump the pity.

Now, we even see pity parties in the Bible. For example, David had a few. Feeling sorry for one's self is normal. I don't have them that often, but once in a while I do. It is during the pity party one can humble one's self and cry out to God. Pity parties can be beneficial if you use them to cry out to the Lord. God understands our griefs and sorrows. A pity party is not necessarily a griping session. He said to cast our cares on Him.

So, go ahead.....once in a while....have a pity party but remember the way to have a pity party is to do it and get it over with. Don't dwell there. Then cast your cares on the burden bearer, His shoulders are strong enough.

Frosty Frigid Friday

It is so cold! We had another snow day with no snow, but I am glad. It is bitterly cold. The kids and I have really done nothing today. It was one of those deliciously, lazy days. I think everyone needs to take a day once in a while and do nothing. Although, there are some who think that no one should take this kind of day. I laugh at that option. We have had a peace filled relaxed day. I think my kids have enjoyed it. I know I have.

The kids have been very good today. No real arguing, have been obedient and sweet. I love bragging on my kids. I like to catch them being good. They love that too. They grow up so fast and these lazy days will not always be here. One day, they will have places to go and people to see. Mommy will be left in the dust of their whirlwinds. So, today, I enjoy that my children are happy to be home with Mommy. They don't have to go and "do something" to be happy. They are content just with Mommy. Of course, it goes without saying, it would have been even better if Daddy could have had a snow day too.

So tonight, we may order pizza and Christopher have a hamburger. Seems like a great night for pizza. I'll have to check the budget, but maybe just maybe we can do that.

So.....I am off to laze around some more.

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for so many things:

• I am so thankful for coffee in all it's warm, creamy goodness. Especially after sleepless nights or restless nights should I say.
• I am thankful for a snow day, even if there was no actual snow to fall.
• I am thankful I have only 3 children. Being babysitter of 2 and having my 3 home today has shown me great wisdom. The little ones I keep are precious. I would not trade them for the world. But having 5 kids, ages 3.5 months, 21 months, 3 years, 6 years and 9 years, has shown me, not everyone is cut out to have that many children in the same small living room at the same time. Sweetness gets you only so far when 2 or more are crying or being crabby.
• I am thankful for my husband. He works hard. He thinks I am beautiful even when I am wearing spit up or have had a bad day and am looking rather unattractive in body and spirit. :o) He is a great Dad. I told him the other day how I am so thankful he is a Daddy who is there for his kids. Who shows them love in so many wonderful ways. Even when it is having a "sword fight" with 3 children who pretend Daddy is the dragon and they are the Knights. It refreshes my soul when he plays with his children.
• I am thankful for people in my life who DO encourage me and seek to let me know something I have done matters. After all, let's face it, sometimes we need to hear that what we do matters.
• Personally, I am thankful for technology that brings us blogs and facebook. I think it can be such a tool to be connected to others, give encouragement and be a witness. As with all tools, one must find balance. Sometimes, my balance can get a bit skewed, but then to I am a work in progress.
• I am thankful for my Lord. He has a way of bringing me back in balance when things get skewed. He loves me, just as I am, without one plea but that His blood was shed for me. (I( I love that song).
• I am thankful that God is showing me some new things for this year. I have to learn to implement them, but again, I am a work in progress.

Wordless Wednesday(somewhat wordless)

This is a picture of my kids praying for my Dad. We were in the middle of cleaning and folding clothes and they wanted to stop and pray for him, so we did.

"Deawest God" (a 3 year old's prayer)

"Deawest God
I wubs you. Fank you for this day. Dear Desus help me be stwong and Daddy be stwong and Mommybe stwong. And Desus help me be fankful. And help Brudder and Sissy get home from school and that is all. Amen"



Ahh the precious,righteous prayers of a three year old. Nothing is sweeter than the precious, innocence of your child praying all by themselves. Surely the very heart of God leaps at the sound of a child's prayer.

I accomplished stuff today

I am giving myself the good job award for day 1 of goals accomplished. Yay Me! I reorganized the toys I use in the living room with the kids I will be babysitting twice per week starting Wednesday. I rearranged some wall hanging and set up the play yard for the baby I will be watching.

Then I tackled the girls room. It is amazing how valuable little trinkets we think are trash are to our kids. I was able to convince them to weed it out and I was able to rid their room of trash and outgrown toys. We made some choices and they have given some stuff to Goodwill. I am proud of them. Then I rearranged the furniture in their rooms. It looks good.

Now I am paying for it. My hands and fingers and knuckles are very swollen and painful. I don't know it it is the fact it is 16 degrees outside or if I did to much. I didn't hurt myself but my hands are so swollen and aching. Please do not tell me, arthritis is coming to call. I am only 42!

Christopher's room will have to wait until another day. I reached my limit today and wanted to do a thorough job. It took me all day, but I am proud of me. I am working on new chore and incentive charts for the children so they will keep up their rooms. Today the girls put away their own laundry. Is it as neat as I would? Of course not, but they did it. I am proud of the attitude they had. Although, during part of the cleaning process, my girls were very Diva-ish as they surveyed me doing all the work and not doing a thing. We soon remedied that situation.

My husband is cooking up some burgers tonight...my hands just ache to much. I had to make at least one post in order to reach my goal. So as soon as I finish this my hands are on a break until I need to wash up the dishes.

Accomplishment....feels good. I am working towards my goals. I also figure I at least burned some good calories today thus accomplishing my exercise goals as well. (Go Me)...LOL.

My Need for Him

My Need for HIM is huge. All my plans for this year can only be accomplished through Him. I saw this picture and only noticed 3 children. The little boy could be Christopher, the girl standing at His shoulder could be Hannah and the little one leaning on His lap, my Jennifer. Then I noticed the 4th girl in the picture, where you only see the back of her head. That represents me, coming to Jesus like a child but at the same time giving my children to HIM. I give my life, my husband and my children to the Savior. I bow down and say Lord...here I am...take me....use me....mold me....make me. I am flawed. I am not perfect. I am not always beautiful of spirit. I can be ugly. I can be disobedient. But I am YOURS. My Lord and my God, my need for you outweighs my words.

As I listen to music in the background......"I can only imagine".... it is true. I can only imagine what God can do. It seems that the more we try the more we struggle. I need HIM to make a way where there is no way. There are parts of my heart still under construction. Parts of my heart still being healed from things, events, words spoken to it that were like darts. Yet, my Lord, my Savior took it all upon Himself that I might be free. So I kneel........I confess my need for Him. I can not rise, I can not live, I can not breathe without Him. My desire to do more this year is heavy upon my soul. My desire to do more as wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, prayer warrior, and scripture seeker is so strong. Yet the spirit is willing and the flesh is weak. We all want to do more, do better, grow deeper. We try. We make promises only to find ourselves falling down and struggling just to make it. However, it is through Him, resting upon His promises....resting in Him that I can mount up with wings as eagles. I want to fly. But first I must kneel and fall on my face and rest in His assurance that HE is my strength. He created me to fly and He created my wings. BUT it is HE who is my wind to soar. It is HE who is my strength and my endurance. He is the wind beneath my wings. He is my life source. I NEED HIM.

I believe I am standing on the beginning of miracles in our lives. I believe my son will be healed. I believe my husband and I will have a ministry. I believe that all that was meant for our destruction will fall like useless darts at the hands of a mighty God. My God, my Lord, my King is in control. HE will prevail. This family will stand mighty for our Savior. We will dance for Jesus. We will do HIS calling on our lives. HE alone will get the glory. We will speak for Him. WE will LIVE for Him. And we will SOAR for HIM.

Bringing order back to the house

Yes, it is time. Time to take down the Christmas decorations and bring order back to the house. I love Christmas and the decorations. However, I also like it when things return back to normal. The kids would love to leave it up all year around. They don't get that it would soon lose it's fun if they saw it all the time. Yet, they have a point. Some people bring out Christmas once a year and put it away when the season is over. Yet, shouldn't Christmas, the love of Christmas, the generosity of Christmas, the Jesus of Christmas, remain out and used all year. We can't put it on a shelf or in a box. We can't store it away.

Christmas is not once a year. Without Christmas there would be no Easter and no Thanksgiving. For it is because of Christmas we have everything.

As we box it away I am reminded that my children carry the faith of Christmas in their hearts ALL the time. Their love, their generosity and their faith is pure.

I have much to do this next week. I will begin babysitting again and need to come up with a new schedule. I want to fit in exercise as well as find a better house cleaning schedule. I have to figure in my babysitting days as well. Bringing order may take a week or so as we get back into the swing of normal life.

Just as I am

I resolve to not worry so much about others judgements of me. Or that if I say something about how I feel, it will be misinterpreted or misunderstood. I am me. Like me as I am or not. I have never been mean, but I do have feelings. If I voice an opinion about something in frustration, it does not mean.....that my love for that person is less. It does not mean I do not respect that person. Today I watched someone choose to have a poor attitude. I chose NOT to let it get to me. People choose to believe what they want and make judgements. Sometimes those judgements are based on small snapshots of what they see. I am a human. I make mistakes. I am imperfect, being molded by the hand of the Master.

Sometimes, I am going to get upset with people in my life. Sometimes, I am going to vent. Does that mean I love them less or think everything they do is wrong? No it means I am human. My blog is often a sounding board. I try to protect the identity of the people I discuss. However, I guess sometimes it is apparent. However, it doesn't mean I don't love them or respect them. But they are a part of my life. They help me grow at times. And at at times, well, they don't. People in our lives can help sometimes and they can hinder. It is our decision to do with it what we will. We can choose to ignore negativity and move on. Or, we can choose to let it fester and never discuss it anywhere. When we do that....it grows like a boil and poisons us. So......in that frame, I will be myself in my blog. I will try and protect identities of those I discuss. However, I will be myself. As I endeavor to work more on my blog, I will be honest. I will be real. I will not worry about who might read my blog and think about me. I am me. I am honest. I live life with integrity. I will not openly call out anyone. I might mention people from time to time in frustration of the moment, BUT, that most times will be obvious. If someone misunderstands what I am trying to say, that is not intentional. I am trying to be real in this blog. Show my warts and all. I am not perfect. I am human. I have feelings, misunderstandings, imperfections, good qualities, bad qualities, areas I need to grow in and areas I am doing pretty good in. So whatever comes out this year in this blog.....I hope you get a snap shot......of a woman.......seeking to be who GOD wants her to be through all her imperfections. Wanting to be better and stronger and deeper in Him. I hope you see a wife and mother who wants to grow in those roles. I am just me. Daily seeking to be more like Jesus. Failing sometimes, succeeding sometimes but always, always loved through my imperfections and made perfect in my weakness by HIM. So dear reader.......this is me. Imperfect, cracked in spots, leaking in others and at times bleeding from the wounds of life. God is my source and He is the one fixing all those things and molding me into who He wants me to be. He looks at my imperfect, broken, leaking cracked self....and He sees..........beauty. For I am His creation and to Him.......I am fearfully and wonderfully made.....and that is my prayer that I will live this year coming to HIM, humbly and lovingly.....Just As I Am. For that is the only way I can grow from Just as I Am to just as HE wants me to be...

One of those days...

The kids stayed up last night to see in the New Year. Then they were up before 8 am. To say they are crabby, would be an understatement. The are worse than Lucy from the Peanuts on a bad day. Putting them down for a nap is not an option because our schedule is so far off. We have company coming later for birthday cake. At this point, they have all been in tears at one time or another. I have almost been in tears. I am ready to never ever let them stay up late again. I thought it would be fun, and it was. However, the aftermath is like revenge of the crabby monsters.

Mike surprised me with a sweater and two shirts for my birthday. I was very surprised, since we were not getting anything for each other this year. I was unable to get him anything for his birthday on Christmas. I owe him. He did it just because he wanted to, not to be superior. He loves me and wanted me to have something.

I really wish the day was less crabby for the kids. It has been one of those days and I am praying we make it to bedtime. There may have to be some more discipline enter the pictures. Some has already been meted out and it has made a slight difference. Although, it does seem akin to nailing Jello to the wall.

Now I am off, to ready the house for company. Mike is helping but it has to be done and he can't do it all.