Monday, June 18, 2007

Why do we think we have to be perfect?

Why is it that we as women, wives, mothers, friends, etc think we have to fit some perfection mold in whatever role we are filling at the time? What drives us there and why do we let it drive us there? Today was the first day of our 3 day kids crusade. Mike and I are running it with helpers from the church. And it did go okay. It is the first time we have ever run a kids crusade. Yet I feel like we didn't "get it right". It was a bit disoranized and I had no idea what was going on because Mike thought he told me stuff that he didn't. At one point he was so frustrated he snapped at me in front of a couple of the church ladies. I was so embarrassed and mortified. We have talked about it. But I felt a need to defend him but at the same time solve the issued at hand. Then some things went smooth and some were chaotic. I only had 4 kids in my class and it went pretty well. Until the pastor's granddaughter fell and busted her lip in the gym. Now I feel horrid. Then my Hannah, although I was a few feet away messed with something and got her head bumped. I don't want anyone to think I wasn't supervising cause I was. It just happened. WHY WHY WHY do I torture myself like this. Iwant this crusade to be a success. I want the kids to have fun and learn and enjoy it. Why do I do this to myself? I have a stomach ache and feel the need to be perfect. Stupid, I know......but I cant help myself. I could just cry. One lady who Mike thought had a background check had not had one. So we cant let her help the rest of the crusade. Understandable, but Senior pastor was upset with Mike about the mistake. But it was an honest mistake, he thought she was someone else and thought he had it done. Senior Pastor scolded Mike which as his boss I guess is his perogative. Mike explained what happened and I guess pastor is okay but still. You know we are humans we make mistakes and Mike is correcting it. So now what? How do I stop this feeling? I need to just pray and let God take care of it. I mean we are learning how to do this, and we have to learn but how do we learn at the same time as being humble like we need to be.

2 comments:

Tinamtl said...

First take a deep breath.

Then, believe the words you are telling yourself. I hear you saying them but I don't think you believe them. Human beings are not perfect...only one person is/was/will ever be...and your head pastor must know who that is as much/if not better then everybody else. Right.

Forgive yourself, relax, move forward, tomorrow is another day.

Thelma said...

Thanks Tina, I was having a rough day yesterday, can you tell....LOL. I know people dont expect us to be perfect. I actually do that to myself. Stems from childhood. I used to be much worse about negative self talk than I am now. Usually, now it is only mad about once or twice a month right when I am moody and out of sorts, LOL. And IF I would realize it at the moment I am busy beating myself up, I could stop it. LOL. I am thankfully a work in progress. I was so overwhelmed yesterday and so very tired. I think it all got to me. Thanks Tina, and you are such a great friend.