Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The "Surrendered" Wife

This is apparently a new movement. Watch the video link and then comment. It is 13 to 15 minutes long but I would love some comments on this. My comments are below. We discussed this on Simply Moms and I had to blog it. LOL.

Here is what I wrote on SM:

I do believe in the Biblical concept of being submissive to your husband. But THAT is NOT the Biblical concept of being submissive to your husband. In my understand of the Biblical description of the submissive relationship, the man ALSO has great responsibility. The Bible instructs him to love his wife as Christ loves the church. IF he does that then he will willingly help her, encourage her and treat her like the lady that she is. The Bible also describes intimacy in a manner of speaking. Neither partner is ruler over his or her own body or each other's for that matter. It is surrendering both to one another. That means sometimes if the wife doesn't want to go there the man respects that and honors that. It also means that the wife in turn goes there sometimes when she doesn't want to. It is give and take. A mutual respect of one another. My husband is the leader of our home but I am an equal not subserviant. I respect him and teach my children Daddy is the leader of our home under God's lead. For submission to work the way it is supposed to.......the husband is to seek God's will not his own and the wife is not a door mat. That video is beyond disturbing on many levels. I am going to show it to my dh. And my dh can wash his own body and put his own toothpaste on his own toothbrush. That is beyond dysfunctional in my honest opinion. Like the woman making the smoothie for breakfast she says "If he wants a smoothie for breakfast he gets a smoothie".....but to me I can hear an undercurrent of resentment. That is ridicolus even for me who DOES believe in submission. Submission to me is not what is shown there. That is disturbing on soooooooooooo many levels. I cant even fathom my dh wanting it to be like that. My dh is man, all man and he would never think of telling me what to wear, how to wear my makeup, or what I was going to eat. That being said, I also see how respecting him with less "nagging" would be a good thing but there has to be balance.....and what that showed was NOT balance.

Furthermore, (adding to what I wrote on Simply Moms) the Bible says we are to submit to ONE another IN LOVE. No where by any stretch of the imagination is what I viewed anything to do with that. Quite frankly, I think it is sad and those men are on a power, control trip. But then that is my opinion. Come on, weigh in on this.....either here are on your own blog.

Note to Shawna: thanks for helping me edit the posting date....


Shawna said...

I have not watched the clip; I will do so this evening when everyone else is inbed.

But 1st off I read the book The Surrendered Wife when it was 1st writen; I saw interviews with the author and saw clips of her workshops.

Yes, the surrendered wife is not me, buther definition and idea is more along your lines of the submisive wife, Thelma. Some twisted individuals inthe general public have taken it further than the author the book or the Bible described.

Either way, either interpretation--is not me; although I can respect the Biblical ideal as it goes both ways as you so clearly point out. For some reason when those passages are read the man's responsibility and obligations are too often left out.

Thelma said...

yes I agree those responsibilities and obligations are left out MOST of the time. I think anything takes balance and that all extremes are dysfunctional. It is amazing how others have corrupted the original intent of the book and its message. sad.

Mommy Reg said...

Thelma I have been seriously in thought about this subject since I read this post. And, I really from the depths of my soul know that there is truth in being surrendered and submitted 100% to my husband. Even if he forgets to love me as Christ loves the church. In Ephesians, Paul did not say submit if, just submit. It is a command that is not conditional. The wife does her part and the husband does his. If the husband doesn't do what he needs to do, then we still need to submit in love with a pure heart as to the Lord.
I do not think that wives should be martyrs or doormats but always submissive in love. It is pride that gets in the way of being submissive. And, as wives, we did say "Yes" we chose to marry.
I have it easy though because my husband loves me purely and deeply. He does not take advantage of me or treat me like a slave. However even if he didn't, I would still need to submit to my husband as to the Lord.
That all being said - What I saw in those husbands especially the one who is a lawyer and wrote out everything, they are not really holding up their end of the bargin. What I witnessed in the video was not what I would say is a biblical marriage. However, if the women are happy and not resentful then, yes they are okay. Sarah obeyed Abraham and said she was his sister when they went to Egypt. I think this is a great example of how we are to submit.
I think you are right, but wives are not equal to their husbands, the church is not equal to Christ.
Wow, that turned into a huge blog on it's own. Sorry, I pray you are not offened by anything I wrote. I have watched several women in the church who have amazing marriages because of submitting and being their husband's helpmeet.

Thelma said...

1st of course I am not offended whatsoever. 2nd, let me clarify, I to believe I am to submit and love my husband regardless if he obeys God in the way he loves me. I didn't say that in my blog and wish I had, LOL. I was so blown away by the way the women were treated in my opinion with little respect. That being said I also have to admit I come from a view point of a child whose mother DID submit in all manner of speaking. She submitted to my father in everything. If he said not to go to church, we didn't. If he said not to pay tithes she didn't. He was an abusive man and she submitted for years to his tyranny. Finally, she stood up and said no more and when she found out some things he was doing she told him in no uncertain terms "I will not go to jail for you and I will not go to (sorry not cussing here) hell for you". They got divorced by his choice not long after. So I am sure my view of total surrender is flawed. BUT I believe in Biblical submission. I love my husband and my children no matter what. Just as Christ loves me no matter what. I agree submission is not a question of what the husband is doing. Because there are plenty of times I have NOT wanted to submit to something and I have by choice and lovingly did so. Our marriage is blessed because of my willingness to submit and his willingness to treat me with love and respect. However, I DO believe there is a point a wife should NOT submit. If her husband asks her to disobey God, do something unlawful or treat their children in an ungodly manner, she should not submit. If he abuses her and her children she should make sure she and her children are safe. If he wants her to go against their marriage vows for his own twisted reasons she should not submit. I say this because of a man and woman I knew in which the husband forced the wife into certain kinds of swapping parties if you know what I mean. She submitted because she believed in submission. That is against God's law and she should not have to disobey God's law to submit to her husband. So I agree submission is a loving choice we make regardless of what the husband does or doesn't do. That was such a good point you made.....and I wish I had made it, LOL, cause I live like that. There have been times in our marriage my husband was not the husband he is now and I chose to submit. I wanted to pack my bags and take my pregnant self and go home to my mother, but I chose to stay and work it out. My husband and I got help and worked it out and today our marriage is stronger. He beat the things that were causing him to treat our marriage out of God's order and now he treats me and our marriage as God has called him to. I stuck with it even when that was not what I wanted to to, because I do believe in submission and that our marriage vows go beyond the storms of life we face. Yes, those women choose to live that way. But to me it is sad because they need to be treasured for all they do. I to have seen awesome marriages due to submission and I truly think dh and I have an awesome marriage because we try to hard to make our marriage God's way. It isn't always easy. Sometimes they drive you batty and you want so badly to just throw stuff in their face but you choose to love them anyway, pick up their dirty undies and clean up the mess they made and love them anyway(lol). Our problems early in our marriage were much worse than that but I wanted to bring in a humorous point. LOL. So I DO agree I for myself submit regardless of what he chooses to do. Because of that and because did great and mighty works in our lives we have a beautiful marriage. God is faithful to bless our obedience to Him.