I need a checkup.......

A Woman's Heart is the women's Bible Study I started attending at church today. It is by Beth Moore and about God's dwelling place and how the tabernacle of the Old Testament relates to our lives today. I am determined to attend every session. Usually something comes up with the kids and I have to miss. But I am determined to find a way to attend this 10 week course. I stay so busy I don't have enough time to be filled up by my Lord. Nursery duty on alternate Sundays and Wednesday nights, being with Mike at the other church on the Sundays I am not in the nursery and running interference with a toddler who wants to help Daddy preach. I too often do NOT get fed myself. I am finding myself spiritual running low on fuel. I need a tune up. Just time with God where I can let God work on my heart and what needs to be rearranged, thrown out or fixed up. I will try to blog about some of my discoveries.

Today, I read over at Sweet Tea With Lemons by my friend Rebekah about a book she is reading. Her post seriously made me think about depression and how it figures in with my life with my Lord. When I am tuned in, plugged in and filled up, my mood and ability to handle the things of life is there. When I am running low, not tuned in and have let the plug loosen I get depressed and struggle. However, like I said to her. I am also getting a check up. I am going to see if I am having early symptoms of the dreaded word.........MENOPAUSE. Something IS going on with me. I have fatigue beyond description, mood swings, depression and many other symptoms I'd rather NOT mention...LOL. So I am planning on getting a physical check up and a spiritual check up. I want God to do something newer, deeper fresher in me. My heart cries out to my Lord but I rarely have the energy to stand up and walk to the waters He has stirred. I refuse to let the enemy of my soul win this way. I want the best if what God has for me so I can be the best wife, mother, sister, pastor's wife....etc that God wants me to be for those He has placed in my life.

I must admit/confess here.......I have NOT been doing the best of that lately. I have let my attitudes slide, my duties as wife and mother get slack...in that I don't give my family the whole of me. I want more from God.......I want to be more for God and I want to do more for others. God forgive me for my failings and help me die to self and be alive to everything YOU have for me to discover, do and be.