Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Ramblings from a mommy brain, freedom and faith

ahhhhhhhh the joys of motherhood. LOL. They can be so naughty one minute and so utterly precious the next. Yesterday we were having lunch with a friend before taking Jennifer to see the ENT specialist. My husband, I and Mrs Mary(our friend who is like a grandma to us) were discussing the topic of facing God in trials and tests and much more. I said something like well if we let it make us bitter then we hav lost. Christopher pipes up and says "It can make you bitter or it can make you better"..........WOW.......out of the mouths of babes I say. I guess he listens more than we think, the lessons we try to teach. Today the children and I walked to the store to say hello to Mike. Since he has started working at the Walgreen's just down the street we try and walk every day or every other day.

Christopher asked "Why do birds sing mommy". I told him that is there way of praising God. Hannah piped in and said as if I should know already "Mommy they are singing "you are my sunshine my only sunshine".........LOL LOL LOL. I laughed so hard. It was so cute. Christopher then gets really deep and wants to know why birds praise God. I said because He is their creator. He said, Why do we praise God? I told him because we love God and because God loved us and sent His Son to save us and that we were created to worhip God. That because we are created in God's own image we are special to God. More special than the birds. He REALLY understood. I can hardly contain it that my son and I had such a deep theological discussion. We went on to talk about how birds don't have souls like people but that God loves them and that our soul God created in us shows just how special we are to God. My children amaze me daily cause then Hannah sings "Jesus loves me DIS I KNOW" as loud as she could. Jennifer just took it all in looking at everything and hanging out in the front of the stroller. She just likes to get outside. I am blessed to have such darling children who are so very open to the things of God. It humbles me that God entrusted me with them. At times it gets overwhelming cause I see my faults and failures and wonder how God can use me. Then God shows me that we never really understand how God can use us. The simplest thing can be used by God and us not even know it. All we have to do is be open to God. All we have to do is humble ourselves and pray and be willing open vessels. God is good all the time. Something happened in my heart and soul this week I can't even explain. God has done a new thing. The circumstances around how do not matter, what matters is the result. I have a joy unspeakable greater than ever before. My hunger and thirst for God grew by bounds almost overnight. It isn't like I didn't have that before but it is greater now. My struggles with post partum depression which were better are now COMPLETELY and utterly GONE! I feel new again and I know His promises are new every morning. Oh I knew that before but what God did in my during my prayer time last night is beyond description. I can not put into words what God has done because I dont have the words. God is faithful and just and promises to complete every good work He starts in us. God is beyond amazing.
So here I sit on July 4th thanking God for freedom in America but also a different kind of freedom. Freedom from pain, freedom from sin, freedom from despair, freedom from exhaustion. Because for the first time in I do not know how long, I woke up this morning rested, not tired and ready to greet the day. I didn't have overwhelming utter exhaustion that was amost debilitating. That amazes me. God is an awesome God.
Monday Jennifer has surgery to remove her adenoids and I have NO absolute NO worry. None......I have no fear and know all will be well because she is in the hands of a loving God who adores her and will protect her.
so today is a day for joy, a day for celebrating freedom. We may go through things on this earth we can not understand but God is able. We walk by faith not by sight........Hallelujah!