Could it really be that he is 8 years old? Wasn't it just yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time? 8 years ago today at 6:32 am Eastern time, he came into the world crying and peeing on the nurse(which he did twice). I was out cold under general anesthesia due to failure to progress, pre-eclampsia and a failed eipdural. Much about that day I do NOT remember, I was so drugged on magnesium sulfate for the preeclampsia. Unknown to me, they held my newborn son to my cheek and let him "kiss me" right after he was born so he could "smell mommy". Hours later, we rolled by the nursery, me on a stretcher and basically to drugged to know I was in the world. BUT, they laid my first born son on my chest. I looked into those huge, dark, alert and vibrant eyes and felt a powerful jolt, a surge of electricity as a mother's love was unleashed on her first born. Surely, the heavens stood still for it felt as if all time had stopped and it was just him and I. In those few moments, my life was changed forever. It was one of the most single defining moments of my life, the day I became a mother. Everything, I had always wanted to be, everything I'd always dreamed of came true that day. I had a loving husband and a child. I did not understand before that day; how truly incredible heart stopping and earth shattering love is. I wanted to live, sleep, eat and breathe motherhood. Of course, I was soon to find out......that is just what you do, even at 3 am when you haven't slept in weeks, you can't take off motherhood. It is who you are. But in those first hours......the magic of new life overwhelmed me. That my Lord and my God would bless me with such a gift and entrust me to take care of him; that was not only humbling but scary. How could I, someone who makes so many mistakes actualy raise this totally dependent awesome creation to be who God wants Him to be. Then God spoke in the quiteness of the early dawn the next day as I held my newborn son to my chest to feed him: I am with you, fear not for I am with you I am your God and I will uphold you and through me all things are possible. Do not be afraid for in your weakness I am strong and I will help you and teach you. Trust me.

God in all his infinit wisdom gave me a child who would face many challenges. Allergies so severe they could take his life, asthma so severe we almost lost him on several occasions and sensory issues that threatned his very development. Through it all God has been there. When he was 16 months old and lay dying in my arms; God whispered to my aching, breaking mommy heart......"GIVE HIM TO ME, give ME control". Tears running down my face, voice shaking with emotion, I said "Yes, Lord, I will." I leaned over to my dying child and whispered in his little ear. "Christopher, I love you. Daddy loves you. YOU mean the world to us. But if Jesus calls you home, go to Him. You will be okay and we will be okay". And at that moment I surrendered my child to my Lord. From that moment on my child slowly but surely began to get better. Why God chose for it to take place that way I do not understand. Why some mother's do have to release their children to the arms of the Father only to be seen again on the other side of glory, I do not know. But I do know my heart changed again that day. And although I still struggle from time to time with complete trust in my Lord..........I KNOW that I KNOW my Lord has my children in the palm of His hand. Christopher through his many illnesses has learend a deep faith in God. At 3 he told me "Mommy, Jesus and Mercy(his imaginary friend who we believe is his guardian angel) sit by my bed and tell me not to be afraid". Once when he was 5 and in intensive care he said Jesus came to see him while he was there. My child.......he humbles me, awes me. I have seen my child crying out, all on his own, with no prompting to hear from Lord. Trying to reach heaven with his outstretched hands raised to the heavens. My little boy cried out to know more of God. Yes, he is a normal child who makes mistakes and can be fresh and naughty BUT the faith he has is beyond explanation. I am humbled by my son. I am blessed to be his mother. Happy Birthday my son. You were our first child and each of you children have gifts God has graced you with that make you all so special, so amazing beyond words. You are a miracle my son. A miracle from God and I praise the Lord for who you are and all you are going to become......because my dear and precious son, God has great and mighty plans for you. Run toward the calling He has called you to. Do not look back but press on towards the calling Jesus has placed in you.
Love Mommy

Even Small Candles Burn Brightly

The Bible says, "Let you light so shine before men that others might see Him" . Can't think of the chapter and verse at this moment. The Bible often likens being a witness to a candle burning in the dark. However, the Bible doesn't say that light has to be huge, it just had to be lit and not hidden.
This week in school Christopher had a class called guidance. In guidance they talked about faces, feelings and apparently share personal stories. And my beautiful son shared his faith in a simple, yet profound way without even realizing what he was doing. Trust in God comes natural to him, just like breathing. He told the whole group assembled about Allie(his little friend in Florida) when she jumped in the pool without a life jacket and how she almost drowned but God helped her get better. When he told me about it I was blown away. In his simple, childlike faith, he believe everyone knows and loves Jesus. So when he talks about people being sick or needing something he talks about prayer or asks people to pray. He also his first week of school asked his teacher to pray for him. He did not realize that "prayer no longer is allowed in public school". He only knows when you ask for prayer, people pray, or at least in the world he has known until now it has been that way. His teacher told us about it. She told him, she couldn't pray for him now but would at home. He was satisfied. So you see, sharing your faith does not have to be huge. My son is small and tiny, but his candle burns brightly and he is NOT ashamed to say he loves God and that God answers prayer. He is not ashamed to say grace or call on Jesus, even at school. I only hope we keep fostering that faith and his candle burns brighter and brighter. Oh if we adults only let our candles burn so openly, so freely and without hesitation. My heart is filled with awe because of what Jesus does through my little boy. God is using him mightily and he is just a little boy......what promise he holds in the Kingdom of God. Hannah too, she prays at the drop of a hat, without question. They are tiny but they are mighty in their faith and truly the warrior is a CHILD. I praise God for what He is doing in my children.