As the Deer

As the deer panteth after the water so my soul longeth after thee......

My Lord, my God and my King. I long for more of you. I want to spend more time with you; yet I let things, people, stuff get in the way. I NEED you. I can't do any of this alone. Why is it, we who love you, struggle so much to do what we should in spending time with you. I know people who talk about how much time they spend with you. It's like they never struggle, never leave you out, never put other things in the way. But these self same people judge me for what they see me lacking in. I try. My heart wants to spend time with my God.....but I let STUFF get in the way.

Tonight I sit here...having accomplished little of nothing today, even with the Lord and I am feeling sad and alone and tired and weary. It has just been one of those days. The sun will come up tomorrow and I will feel better. Yet in this moment........I want to cry out to God and let the tears flow but they will not come. There really is nothing to cry about, but I feel the need. Yet, some kind of dam holds them back.

I make plans for each day and rarely get them accomplished. I am really, truly PHYSICALLY exhausted ALL the time. I mean ALL the time. I know I need to get this checked. That takes money. My kids physical needs come first, between sinus infections, and asthma and check ups, the funds just haven't been there. So I am praying for a miracle. A miracle of energy and strength.

I have not lost what I gained at the conference, but today has just been a bad day. My God SHALL supply ALL my needs: physical, spiritual, emotional, mental.....so right now.......I wait......I wait upon the Lord .......longing for Him........to show me where to place my feet.

How I love him...let me count the ways

I don't tell my husband, Mike, often enough how much I love him for the following reasons:

1. He is a man who tries to follow God all of his days, just like me, he has imperfections. He makes mistakes just like we all do.
2. He adores me and treats me like his queen. He doesn't mind jumping in to help me when I am overwhelmed or just with daily tasks.
3. He is a good Daddy and has shown so much growth over the years as a father. He doesn't mind playing or being silly. He doesn't mind changing diapers (well he didn't..they are all potty trained now).
4. He is a hard worker and never lazy, does his best to provide for our family in this economy.
5. He has a passion for the gospel and sharing the gospel with others.
6. He does his best to live what he preaches.
7. He is cute.
8. He has a cute butt (yep, I said it but I am supposed to think that).
9. He has the deepest brown eyes in all the world. I still get lost in them.
10. He has the best hugs and kisses.
11. He is warm and cuddly and his arms feel safe.
12. He understands me.
13. He can make me laugh when no one else can.
14. He puts up with my moods.
15. He wants to improve and grow in the Lord.
16. When he makes mistakes he admits it and tries to correct it.
17. He cares about others and has compassion for his fellow man.
18. He encourages his children.
19. He helps me get the kids ready for each day.
20. He gives the BEST back rubs in the world.
21. He has character and integrity.
22. He is a very good preacher. I enjoy his sermons and am challenged by them.
23. He treats his parents and my parents with respect.
24. He is a God seeker.
25. He is my beloved husband and I could go on but the list would be so long. I love him just because God made him Mike and God gave him to me for a reason. I respect and honor him. I love my husband.

Mommy School

As Jennifer calls it is going so good. We are having so much fun! Built a sand castle today, went on a leaf hunt, drew with chalk, kneaded bread and so much more. She has also helped me clean house and just been such a joy. She is such a good little girl. She is fun to work with and teaching her is like play.

This afternoon we are going to make a leaf collage with the leaves we collected. I love being a Mom.

Hannah rode the school bus today and was thrilled. I was proud of me cause I didn't cry. Then too some kids at the bus stop were being rude and pushing in front of my little girl instead of waiting in line to get on the bus.

Falling on my Face

Falling on my face before my King

Must be a daily thing.

For if I don't fall before my King

I will fall for most anything.

Thelma S. Aug 20, 2009

I am a work in progress. As I seek transformation to being deeper in Jesus and closer to Him; I find myself struggling. Struggle....is not necessarily a bad thing. It breeds patience, and characther and perseverance. Only through these things can our Lord weed out those things in our lives that get in the way of Him or hold us back.

As soon as I came back from the conference, the enemy of our souls went on the attack. A virtual storm cloud has tried to camp out over me and the waves are high and the winds are strong but I will not give in. I want to do better, be better, live better, grow stronger, but it takes time and it takes work.

This is what the scripture means when it says work out your salvation with fear and trembling b because it is work. My God......my God is how I make it through.

Doubts, fears, judgements by others will fall by the wayside as long as I lean on Jesus. He is my fortress. and I love Him.

Sniff Sniff Sniff

tears leak into my heart because my babies are growing up too fast. Hannah started K today......and while I am so happy it is still bitter sweet. She was so happy and full of excitement in telling me about her partial day. They do not go full time until Friday. I have to remember to take my camera and get their pictures as they get on the bus.

I will post first day of school pictures later.

But I know my baby will still need me when the monsters hide under the bed.
She will still need me to kiss away boo boos and put a cool cloth on her fevered head.
My baby will still need me to hold her hand to cross the street or cut up her meat. My baby still needs me to hug her tight and prayers to help her sleep at night.
My baby still needs me to teach and guide her and I will gladly be there for every moment.

I love being a Mom.

The First Day of Kindergarten
I used to be so little, but not anymore,
Tomorrow I'll get up and walk out the door.
I'm going to Kindergarten-it's the first time for me.
It's great to be big, but I'm scared as can be.
My tummy's in knots. You want to know why?
I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe I'll cry.
When Mom leaves the school and I'm there alone,
I'm thinking that maybe I'll want to go home.
But wait - Mommy said I'll play lots of games,
And meet lots of friends - I can learn all their names.
The first day of Kindergarten, oh there's so much to do!
There's painting and books and a big playground too!
I used to be little, but not anymore.
Tomorrow I'll get up and walk out the door.
I'm going to Kindergarten - it's my first day, you see.
It's great to be big! I'm so glad that I'm me.
Author Unknown

Happy 1st Day of Kindergarten my sweet girl. Mommy loves you. I am so proud of you. You are precious. Love Mommy

Transformed Testimony 2009

Last year, I went to the Refreshing Women's Conference and that is exactly what happened. I was refreshed. My weariness was lifted. This year I arrived at the conference expecting great and mighty things as well. The first meeting I was tired, and weary and God did the refreshing part immediately. But He wasn't done yet. This is NOT what He brought ME to the conference for. I watched as my mother was gloriously blessed by God. I heard her laugh and smile and glow from a sheer and utter joy I have not seen in years. I watched as she saw visions and talked with the Lord in such an intimate way that all those witnessing the transformation taking place were blessed. I watched as she laid things down at the Savior's feet and as she laid them down, I watched as she received gifts from Him. Only she and her Lord know what but it was beautiful. However, this was not WHY I was at the conference.
I came to the conference and HE truly transformed me. There is something new within my soul. Something new within my spirit that I cannot even put into words. We talked about the butterfly during the conference, how the caterpillar goes into his cocoon and is transformed into a butterfly. But when you look at that caterpillar he is busy doing his caterpillar things. He is preparing to be cocooned, to be transformed. But his sight is limited. He can only see at ground level, or in the most from the top of the leaf he happens to be devouring. But the caterpillar has some issues. He is busy, he is doing what he was created to do, but too often what he is doing is destroying the plant he is living on. He is not destroying the plant intentionally but because he hasn't been transformed, he is limited. He is earth bound. But when he goes into his cocoon, changes take place and he begins a metamorphosis that will change HIS WORLD When he emerges, he is no longer earth bound, and he can see things and places beyond anything he can ever imagine.
When the Holy Spirit of God transforms us. We are no longer earth bound in the spirit. Our eyes are opened to a greater distance than ever before. We are free to soar to heights in God we could only dream of. We are free to be bold and do things in God we never did before. We are free to fly to find something besides leaves to eat. We can fly and find the vine, and take from the nectar of the fruits produced by THE VINE. We are free to spread beauty. And there is one more thing I have to say....a caterpillar once it becomes a butterfly.....it cannot be a caterpillar AGAIN! It is changed. What would happen if you took the wings off of a butterfly? It would be destroyed. But when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon it is irrevocably changed. When true transformation takes places lives are changed, hearts are changed, families are changed our world is changed. When the Holy Spirit of our Lord moves in and we are transformed we are irrevocably changed. NOTHING I said NOTHING can remove us from Him. Does it mean life will be easy....no it means we are equipped to soar above what the enemy has thrown at us. It means we have waited upon the Lord and He has renewed our strength and He has helped us SOAR. It means that every time we get tired, we have learned that waiting in His presence gives us what we need. When we are transformed......we are no longer satisfied to sit by and live off of leaves......we want the nectar of what the Holy Spirit has to offer. What we ladies received at this conference was transformation for such a time as this because the fields are white unto harvest.....and we are READY.......to labor.

Transformed

This is what I am going to be doing this weekend, being transformed by the mighty hand of God. Once a year I go on a ladies conference and it always comes just as I need it most. So excited to see what all of us are going to experience, when we meet God there. Woo Hoo

Update on Miya

The little girl I keep with Alagille's syndrome (sp? I never get it right). She has gained weight and is almost 20 lbs...the requirement for transplant. Some days she has really good days...others not so much. She does however seem to me be having more troubles than when I first started keeping her 6-7 months ago. Her eyes are deeper yellow. Her itching is worse, so bad she claws herself to the point of bleeding at times. She will scratch at her tummy where her Mickey is until she bleeds. Her personality is bubbly but some days she doesn't have the energy.

She is talking more and walking now. I wish I could make her comfortable. She and I are closely bonded and my kids adore her. Her breathing is often watery sounding and rapid. She is hanging in there...the little angel wears boxing gloves cause she is a fighter.

I am BAAAAAAAAAAACK and IMPORTANT question

At least I think I am. We had a good vacation, although our plans were drastically changed due to Jennifer getting sick just before vacation with tummy virus and then croup and an ear infection. We ended up going much closer to home and doing a vacation and some staycation. She has not been eating well since her illness. We are hoping she gets back to normal soon.

Now after reading some things recently on Facebook and CafeMom I am trying to make some decisions. I don't often post pictures of my kids but I do post some. I enjoy posting pictures but seems like people can easily steal photos and use them for scams and other activities those pictures were never meant to be used for. Where is the balance of trusting God but using wisdom?

There is a case where a mom found out her child's photo was used in an internet adoption scam without her knowledge. That freaks me out. Someone used a photo of her child from her blog to say this little boy was for adoption, made up fictious story etc and extorted money. So....What should one do? Should one live in fear of the what if's or should one post pics here and there but far away or side shots etc.

So tell my blogger readers what would you or do you do?