Wednesday, March 25, 2009

kneeling in the gap

The kids are upstairs…”cleaning” their rooms but it sounds mostly like playing. This week is Spring Break and I need to really get motivated and do some Spring cleaning myself. I also want to take the kids outside for some good, old fashioned play time. Yet, I find my self with a lack of energy and motivation for either. The spirit is willing but the flesh indeed…is weak. I am tired and other family issues from extended family threaten to explode. I as always am caught right square in the middle expected to be the peace maker. I don’t know how to do it anymore nor do I have the strength. If I “side” with one….I am wrong…If I “side” with the other I am wrong. Yet neither wants to hear that they both need to just work on themselves and stop trying to fix each other. If I give “advice” which is asked for and it is not what they wan to hear…I am being judgmental and don’t “really understand”. OR I am accused of thinking I am perfect. That is far from the case. There is no way on God’s green earth I think I have the answers. And boy howdy to I know I am not perfect. I make mistakes daily. I have to repent for wrong actions and attitudes. I struggle with self everyday. The problems in this issue are wearing me out! No one wants to really listen…they just want to be told they are right and that they do not have to change a thing and that the other is wrong and needs to do all the changing. When it takes TWO to argue and it takes TWO plus One (Jesus) to fix and mend broken hearts, relationships, trusts etc. I am praying for a miracle. A miracle bathed in love and peace. I am not the peacemaker…..there is only ONE peacemaker. So now…….I stand in the only place I can…….rather I kneel in the only place I can. I kneel in the gap……praying the walls do not fall down around them crushing them with bitterness, anger and unforgivness. I once walked the road of unforgivness and it almost killed me literally. When God healed me…..He did not make it EASY to forgive but He made my heart whole. Why I can’t seem to share this with them where they can see my heart and feel that I feel their pain I do not know. So I will pray and I will stand in the gap and I will fight the enemy that seeks to destroy them until they are healed to the uttermost. God alone.is….able. I TRUST HIM……..now if only these precious people would let GO of their hurt, their anger, their frustration and let the healing power flow and TRUST God and others who He is trying to place in their lives to help…….

4 comments:

Thelma said...

written while my computer was crashed..copies and pasted from word...

Hope said...

I know what you mean. Don't you hate it when people ask for advice and what they really want is for you to justify what they are doing? Urg. Hope it gets better soon!

Thelma said...

thanks Hope...yeah it is so frustrating...and it happens a lot...especially in ministry...LOL.

Burkulater said...

I can imagine you're probably judged a little more harshly by people because you are a pastor's wife. I really like your phrase "praying in the gap." Sometimes it's all you can do.