Monday, April 21, 2008

The Spirit of a child

Christopher continually astounds me. He is spiritually mature beyond his years, way beyond his years. Yesterday, after church he seemed a bity moody and like something was troubling him. He finally talked about it. He said that the devil tells him to be naughty and not to eat and beats him up in his dreams. He doesn't yet know how to express temptation or dealing with the troubles of life, so he expressed it the best way he knew how. He is NOT hearing voices but it is his way of talking about the battle within himself to do right or wrong; to fight against the fears of eating or give in to them. He knows that Jesus loves him and lives within his heart but at the same time he has to fight the fears of eating and the temptation to be naughty. He so desires to please Jesus and us, his parents. He so desires to to get beyond his fear of textures and new foods. But that battle.......the battle to get beyond the fear is not something he or even I understand yet. His earnest love for the Lord Jesus is humbling. His earnest desire to do what is right, is humbling. As I watched my little boy while we prayed, the emotions on his face were so open, so true, so beautiful. He loves Jesus with all his little heart. As we prayed, I saw peace settle on his face yet at the same time uncertainty about how he will win his battle against fear of foods. His spirit, my little boy's spirit is beautiful. I want to him him grow and not crush that spirit. But at the same time I must push him a bit to help him stretch and grow. Where is the balance? How do I as a mother, help him fight against something he can't even really understand. As I watch him grow up and face the struggles of life I understand that our Father in heaven feels the same way about us. He could step in and fix it Himself, but He in his sovereignty steps back and gives us free choice to seek Him or not. He lets us try it on our own, fall on our face and is ready to pick us up and help us stand when we ask. God in His infinite wisdom gave me this child. Now I have to figure out how to help this GIFT he gave me grow. My child, my firstborn son, I can not fathom all you and your sisters will face. I am weak but HE is strong and HE loves us. HE alone can guide us. Ours is to listen, and obey and I pray as a woman of God, a wife, and a mother I will learn to better listen to His voice and let HIM lead me in how to be your mother. I love you and your sisters. I would give my life for you and I would take your struggles on myself if you could be free. Yet for whatever reason this is one of the giants in your life