Last night I was surfing the net. I stumbled upon the blog of a family with a very special child. I read his story, all of it and I have been blessed. His mother through good days and bad showered her child with love every moment of his miraclous brief life. Little Joshua, well , he is a warrior, he was strong and brave and beautiful. Yesterday, Christopher and I had another bad mommy moment about his eating. He had promised he would try eating spaghetti, so I worked hard to make it special. His eating is no better and he still only eats about 10 things total, if I am lucky and very little of it has good nutritional value. I made sure all the ingredients were safe for him and had no hidden allergens. He put the noodles to his lips and REFUSED to try any further. He did take two bits of the sauce covered meat but nothing more. And quite honestly I lost it. I yelled at him and told him "I have had it"! "I cant take it anymore", slammed his dish downon the counter and walked out. I have honestly had it with his issues with food. He cried, I cried and then we talked. But after I read Joshua's story, I realized this mom, would love to just be dealing with sensory issues, severe allergies and asthma. I was complaining to God last night about how hard it is to deal with and how I just want my son to eat like a normal child. Then I discovered Joshua's story. Really put things into perspective. Yes, the things I deal with are hard for me because I am living it. Having your 7 year old with issues that can and have threatned his life IS hard BUT and this is a huge BUT. I have to choose to be loving and patient with my son no matter what. He needs to know that no matter what his issues, Mommy is ALWAYS on his side. I was filled with despair in the way I reacted. I rarely act out like that and I made my son cry. I have repented and asked his forgiveness but I realize I need to focus differently. Instead of focusing on what he will not do or can not do, I need to focus on the beautiful , faith filled, bright little boy that he is. I have to TRUST God to heal him to the point he will eat and grow properly and if God chooses NOT to fix this that HE will give me the strenght to deal with it. Christopher is NOT growing properly or well but he has faith beyond his years. Despite his tiny size, he has faith to move mountains and a zeal for life that is beyond description. So I must focus on the positives. His issues are no where nearr what this sweet family has gone through and I sit and complain! So Joshua's story has helpled me grow. "And a little child shall lead them"......so true. For Joshua and his family have touched my soul. Time on this earth is but a fleeting moment to the Father. His ways are not ours. Mine is not to understand but to obey and follow Him. I do not understand why some children have to face so much in their wee lives due to "imperfect bodies" but like Joshua's mom said he had a perfect soul. I do not now why some children have to face other challenges but I do know, God is in control. He does not cause babies to be sick or children to have life threatning allergies, asthma and sensory issues. He however, cares and moves on the behalf of these children in ways we can not fathom or see. Hidden in the hardships of life are God's blessings even when we can't see them yet. God will reveal all to us one day, but in the meantime I will have to trust HIM! God help me be strong and courageous in the power of your might and face what comes my way with your grace and strength. Help me walk in gratitude for the blessings you have given me and the ones I have yet to find.