Friday, March 5, 2010

I am Overwhelmed .......

By the hand of my mighty God. I said in my last post, how it was no accident I am am doing both Stepping Up the Bible Study and the book So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore and today was just further proof.

My insecurities had me feeling bad because I am behind on my first week's homework for the Bible study. Now, of course, common sense doesn't enter in to the equation. I mean come on all super moms should be able to clean up after two girls with a tummy virus. She should after all be able to handle the fact that, one of the self same girls with a sinus infection and strep throat. She should also be able to handle that the same child has an allergic reaction to her antibiotic and was an itchy and scratchy mess. She should be able to read the book, get her Bible study homework done, deal with a broken dryer and the fact tomorrow is the first chance we will have to get our new one. She should also be able to get it all done with little to no sleep and the fact we are leaving next weekend for a wedding. Surely, I "should" be able to do it all. After all, that is what insecurity whispers to your mind. But see there is the catch, insecurity is a liar. It makes you feel.....well insecure about every thing. The coulda, woulda, shoulda is jam packed jelly tight in ones brain.

So today when I went to the Stepping Up Bible study..I THOUGHT, we'd do the study, come home have lunch and a nap for me and the littlest one. Little did I stop to think God had other plans. She talked in today's session about singing and how songs/psalms were created for us to express our souls. Then suddenly as clearly as she was speaking on the video screen, God inserted into my soul the reason I do NOT have a heart song. Insecurity stole it...a long time ago because of the words of a misguided worship leader when I was 10 years old. That worship leader told a little girl, who loved to sing to the Lord, "You can't sing in front of the church because you can't carry a tune and I will not having anyone messing up "my" worship service". That pain....that scar........that day.....I stopped singing.

Oh I sang but not with that heart song that fuels our praise. Insecurity set in, instantaneously with those words of a man who spoke without love. I have forgiven that man. However, the pain colored my life all these years. I was 10, I am now 42 years OLD! 32 years without a heart song, and today, my Lord, my precious Lord gave me back my heart song. Oh, I have had joy. I am happy and fulfilled in the Lord and growing every day BUT I did not have my song..the song that fuels our praise and worship to the King of Kings. The song that fuels our praise and worship to a new level in Him. I have had glimpses of it over the years but I did not have that heart song in my possession because insecurity is a liar and a thief. Today.....I got my heart song back.

Hosea 2:15 says in part..."She will sing as in the days of her youth". Today that was restored to me. As a child, I used to go about my day singing and making up my own litte praise songs to the Lord. I stopped that day long ago because I thought I had to be "able to sing" to praise. How misguided insecurity is to the person who takes it to heart.

So today I sing a new song, a song of freedom, a song of joy asong of my heart to the very one who made my heart. I am overwhelmed by my Lord.


Beth/LetsRoll said...


Thelma said...

Thanks Beth, just sent you an email back. You made my heart smile....:o). That is an expression we use in our family when something someone says or does blesses us.