Saturday, May 31, 2008

Honesty, guilt and repentance

The past month Christopher has been having attitude issues, nightmares and a general sadness about him. About a month ago, after his 14 year old cousin had been in the house, we had money go missing out of Christopher's bank. A LOT of money out of a large bank and we figured it had gone missing over time because my nephew has a problem with sicky fingers and being honest. So naturally everyone thought he was the culprit. So today after Christopher being moody and particurlarly fresh and having had bad dreams all night I asked him

"What is wrong? Something is going on with you. This is not you. Did someone do something to hurt you or did you do something and you don't want to tell us. I then promised him we would not yell or punish him if he admitted whatever was going on with him and was totally honest.

He said: If if it is in the past?

I said: Yes, honey and we shook on it. (Because I KNEW something was eating at him).

He then said: Mama, A did not take the money I moved it from one bank to the other and he didnt steal it. Then he burst into tears and cried like his wee little heart was broken. He was soooooo very sorry and repentant. It was so pitiful. He has been carrying this in his heart for weeks.

First off, moving his money was not wrong and we told him so. It is his money to put in whichever bank he wants. What WAS wrong was letting us continue to think A did it. I believe the reason he didn't admit it is because my dh lost it when he though A had stolen from us again and it was Christopher's money. My dh was angry at A and Christopher saw that so he was afraid his Daddy would be that angry at him. We explained that A has a history of dishonesty and stealing and that is WHY we were so angry when we thought A had done it. It wasn't about the money but about the consistent lying and stealing A HAS been doing. We went on to explain if Christopher will ALWAYS come to us and admit to things he has done and own up to his mistakes we will not be angry, disappointed yes but not angry. And that even if he has to have a consequence to it, he will not be in as much trouble as he would be for lying.

We made Christopher tell his Aunt, his grandmother who helps take care of A and A and ask for their forgiveness. We are also making him tell Mike's parents because we had talked to them about A stealing the money. He will have to ask their forgiveness for his lie(by omission of the facts) to them. I am also going to have him tell one other person, his Children's pastor and ask the children's pastor to pray with him. Christopher was so humble and so repentant. His guilt has eaten him alive! Even the expression on his face has changed since the truth came out. His deameanor is much more peaceful and his body is more relaxed. He admitted this of his own free will when I asked what was going on with him.

I quite franky am proud of him for admitting to it. We would have NEVER known. It was hard for him to admit. But we also knew something was going on with him. He is usually a very honest child. So I really think fear of Daddy being angry with him is at the bottom of it. Mike WAS very angry at A but A has stolen from us again and again and this was the last straw. When we found out A was innocent we let him know immediately that we are sorry as well. But we also let him know that because of his track record our trust has been eroded with him and that we are working to build it back up.

Honesty, guilt and repentance.........I saw it all in my son. The struggle to do the right thing, and Christopher won over that battle. We all have those battles. We all make mistakes and wrong choices but true repentance like I saw in my son.....leads to forgiveness and peace. What a lesson my son and all of us learned today. To carry guilt of wrong doing in your heart does bad things to your heart, mind and body. Christopher's nightmares even his rise in the need of asthma meds the last month all make sense to me. His guilt was eating him alive and his body, mind, will and emotions were showing it. Now as I look into the eyes of my son, I see a clear and peaceful conscience. God is good and my little boy is learning to have character.


Shawna said...

What an amazing story!

m. said...

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We're very excited, but the cost is a bit daunting.

I contacted some talented friends and collected some amazing prizes for a fundraising raffle! This is good stuff ladies and gentlemen!!

You can visit the contest directly by clicking here:

And you can learn more about our adventures here:

Tell your friends! :)