Tuesday, April 24, 2012

New exercise plan..also known as laugh at Thelma's hijinx day

New exercise plan: (It has a lot of steps, but follow it through, it pays off in the end, at least for a chuckle or two and laughing burns calories)

Step one: Run around like crazy getting kids ready for school.
Step two: Eat bowl of cereal while doing all this.
Step three: get ready for jury duty
Step four:  realize you can not find jury # badge(heart rate increases)
Step five: move the bed, the bedside table, virtually turn room upside down to not find it.
Step six: run to car knowing you are running behind.
Step seven: Get lost and heart rate will increase.
Step eight: Find shuttle after getting lost because GPS instructed you to turn where you can't turn (increase heart rate some more)
Step nine: Run to catch shuttle
Step ten:  Heart rate is increased it is now 9:05, and bus driver is taking the long route.
Step 11: Arrive at bus stop to discover it is 2.5 blocks away from the court house
Step 12: Run like a mad woman down 2.5 blocks in boots, carrying satchel
Step 13: Arrive panting at court to go through metal detectors.
Step 14: Ignore strange looks you are getting for your inability to breathe.
Step 15: Walk Rapidly to elevator, and take it...while you attempt to catch your breath
Step 16: Arrive at 9:15 to discover people pouring out of the jury assembly room. Heart rate increase as this does not bode well for said late juror.
Step 17: Talk to clerk, who gives you a badge and says don't worry about it, just check in with the lady at the front. BREATHE huge sigh of relief.
Step 18: Check in with very compassionate court clerk who understands being lost in downtown Chattanooga. Smile and say thank you.
Step 19:  Sit down and ask the lady next to you if she knows what is going on. Smile as she barely acknowledges you. Okay I know I am out of breath, but I don't stink cause I did wear deodorant.  Smile again and finally have her say, she is not sure.
Step 20: Read a few pages of a book since lady next to you is not talking. I seem to have offended her by asking a question. Say silent prayer for said lady, who is glaring at you like you are from planet mars. Superstitiously check clothes to make sure all is zipped etc. Discover all is fine, pray for lady again. SUDDENLY remember, you left your headlights on! Heart rate SKY ROCKETS. PRAY FOR CAR to not die.
Step 21: Look up to see court clerk approaching bench. She now tells you that your number and most of the rest of the court  room are excused because the expert witness for the murder trial is not going to make it today.  Silent lady shakes head in disbelief and still glares at  you. You say "have a nice day" and smile. She actually smiles back. Pray for  lady again.
Step 22: Walk to elevator quietly praising God that you think you can make it back to your car and the headlights before the car dies.
Step 23: Leisurely walk to bus stop 2.5 blocks away.
Step 24: Have a nice conversation with another potential jury member.
Step 25: Arrive at car and while digging  for car key, FIND LOST jury badge in your BIBLE.  How did it get there, no idea.  LOL
Step 26: Turn off headlights and start car. Praise GOD for His intervention.

Ahhh God is good and He has a great sense of humor too.