The OTHER woman

Yes, there is another woman in his life. Apparently her eyes are the bluest of blue and sparkle like diamonds. Her hair is blonde and holds the beauty of spun Gold. She makes him smile and his heart grow. She is beautiful and well spoken. She loves to read and sing and dance. When he talks about her, his eyes shine, and sparkle and give off a glow.

Ahhhhhh, yes, the other woman in my son's life. Yes, her name is Harper and she was the prettiest thing this side of heaven. She is all that and a a ox of cracker jacks. And she was the prettiest in the whole school on picture day. My son is growing up way too fast, I am not ready for the "other" woman in my son's life and as he refers to her "my girlfriend".

Conversations with a First Grader

Momy, my world is upside down

Why

Cause I am sad

Why are you sad

Because I ate that mystery air head, that makes me sad, cause I dont know. (note he had been sent to bed and did not get to finish his movie).
I was Shark boy but now I am sad boy.

Girlfriends:
Tell me about Harper
What is special about Harper
She is pretty. She plays with me. She doesn't tease me. Her hair is blonde. Her eyes are blue. And she is my girl friend.
Faith:
I like God. He tells us about math, science, social studies and what to do. He helpsme learn all that. He helps us think about happiness and sometimes I get sad. He makes me happy. He tells me that "you are great". Jesus does a lot of things. He died on the cross for our sins. He makes us smile real big. He rose again on the third day.

Family:
I like what we do in our family. Playing together, eating together and telling stories. We do family time and that is my favorite. My sisters are wonderful. I like what they do. They are real fun. And they are pretty.

Daddy: Daddy can play army with me. He is on my team on the army game and he can work for us to give us money so we can live, eat, and take care. My favorite thing about daddy is he helps me feel better when I am sad and he makes me laugh.

Mommy: Well, she helps me walk to the bus stop. It is fun to play with her. And we like to have these conversations and she smiles beautiful. She is my favorite mommy. My favorite things about mommy is she helps me with my work. She helps me with my reading. And she helps me with being good. Mommy and Daddy help me, Hannah and Jennifer pray, and Mommy and Daddy love us.

Hannah: She helps me be friends together. She helps me smile. She does what I like. She helps me, like this, well, now, she hugs me, she kisses me, she watched shark boy and lava girl with me. She was lava girl and I was shark boy. And she watches me play Kirby. I love Hannah cause she is so beautiful.

Jennifer: She cracks me up. She says goo goo ga ga. She laughs when I laugh. I crawl with her on the floor. She plays with me, like, babies and she does a lot of great things, like she talks very good. She walks very good. She plays very good. I love her cause she is so cute.

Preschool Hijinx

Take two children, one mommy and homeschool preschool time and mix, what do you get, in the words of Forrest Gump, Preschool is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get. Hannah and Douglas approach preschool at completely different angles. Both are very bright and energetic but both have such different styles. Douglas(my nephew) is about 8 months older than Hannah. He is inquistive and fun loving. He enjoys the songs, calling out the names of the letters as I point to them and the action games. Hannah loves it all except for calling out the letters because she does not recongnize as many letters as her cousin. She tends to back off during this part and Douglas takes the lead. However, when we do a worksheet or a craft, Douglas can not focus beyond a couple of minutes and wants to see exaclty what Hannah is doing instead of paying attention to his paper. Today I had them trace the triangle shapes on a sunshine. He would try and do his WHILE watching Hannah. She went busily about hers and finished. Then we cut it out, glued it to construction paper and used white chalk to make clouds. They were so cute. With Douglas I had to keep prompting to finish and he kept saying is this good, is this good. I assured him, he was doing fine and he only has to try his best. But it is obvuios he does not like the paper work part of preschool. Hannah loved it. She was so detailed. We also traced their names. Hannah did hers in all different colors. Douglas did his in all one color but did a great job as well. Watching their learning styles even at this age is astounding. Both loved stories and songs, but one likes the paper and art activities and one likes the group recitation. (well I guess two is a group). I am amazed at how they both did enjoy it. And although I had to redirect Douglas a lot; he did enjoy it and he is learning from me. Both of them were very well behaved and engaged. They like the story I chose about a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Both liked singing the Alphabet song and adding their own motions to it. Their creativity knows no bounds. When they play together they think of elaborate story lines for their pretend play. Both may be destined for drama one day. I loved it. I felt like I was in my element. Teaching and watching young minds grasp, grow and learn is amazing. Sometimes, I wish I had gone into elementary education instead of social work. But I plan to use my degree one day to launch myself into teaching preschool or kindergarten. When Jennifer starts school I plan to look for work in teaching. All I would need to do is take the state licensure test. So as I launch into teaching Hannah and Douglas and helping them learn despite their differences, I also launch a dream. It was a great day and we all finished with smiles on our faces and joy in our hearts.

Sticks and Stones

You remember what you were told as a child when you were teased:

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". We who were teased realized pretty quickly that is so untrue. Words do hurt. Teasing for the sheer aspect of putting someone down and belittling them hurts. The "kids are just being kids and playing" excuse doesn't wash. Because "fun" kiddind around isn't hurtful. Teasing is hurtful. As I watch my son make his way through public school and see the teasing that has begun. My heart twists within my body. The last few weeks I watched his usually sparkling eyes began to lose their sparkle and be downcast. Then the final straw was when I heard him crying in his sleep "I am not to little, I am not too little" as he wept in his sleep in utter and complete misery. My heart broke within my mommy body. We comforted him and prayed with him and reassured him that being small is NOT a bad thing. Then I emailed his teacher. She acted appropriately and quickly. Yesterday, he was teased again and the teaser was quickly put in his place. They also did a whole class discussion with first graders about teasing. I was impressed at how quickly they acted. At his school they have a no tolerance policy. That being said, my son's experiences brought back hard, painful memories for me. In my day, teasing was seen as child's play. It was seen as a "right of passage" all kids must travel through. Yet, while yes, I guess I did become stronger, it created scars that lasted for years. People think teasing is nothing as long as the child is not physically harmed. I have even had people say or imply this. Yet, the unseen, emotional scars can be just as painful. Those first few weeks of my son being teased, I watched him began to question his place in his world. Even though he heard from us how special and precious he is. He heard from peers, that he was different and strange, simply because he is small. It quickly began to have an impact. That is how powerful words are. Words, seem so insignificant in a manner of speaking but words can start wars, destroy lives, or wreak havoc in any number of ways.

Words

have

the power

to invoke

thought

pain

joy

sorrow

growth

delay

blossoming

death of a spirit.

Yes, words have that kind of power. Just think about our blogs and how the words people write can inspire us to be better or become angry or have peace or joy. Words, never forget their power. So sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can break a heart, so always use them carefully because they leave a lasting imprint wherever they land.

Been bad so bad........

I really haven't done preschool stuff since the first day. I haven't felt well and the baby hasn't either. So everything has been put on hold. I know that is one of the benefits of home schooling but it still makes me feel bad. I wanted to do it at least 3 days a week. However, this week I just didnt feel like it. I was in pain and miserable and the baby was sick and not sleeping, so add to that lack of sleep and I did not get anything done. Today was the first day I felt well in a week. So hopefully, Monday, we can start fresh. I also have not blogged much and wanted to blog daily.

The good thing is, I went to Ladies Bible Study today at the church. It was so good! I am hoping I can go each week, which means readjusting my preschool schedule, but Mommy's soul needs to be fed as well.

First Day of Home Preschool

Our first day at doing homeschool preschool......went well yesterday. Hannah and Douglas LOVED it! We sang songs, practiced recognizing written numbers, saying our colors and recognizing written letters. We read nursery rhymes and a Bible story. They drew pictures of monsters on the back of old desk calendar pages. I had them tell me a story about their picture and wrote the story for them on the paper. We only did about 90 minutes of actual stuff but they also played together well. Then I gave them lunch and a nap since both were tired yesterday. It was fun. I am going to do preschool stuff according to their needs for that day. Some days it may be more play than others. Kids learn best by play anyway. Tomorrow we may go to the play park and collect leaves and stuff for a collage......I dont know if it is bad or good, but I have no real structured "plan". I am teaching them the basics, colors, shapes, numbers, letters and how to print their names but am using whatever I have at hand. I am making up my own curriculum. I am using their play to teach them and our environment. Hopefully this will serve them well. However, I am going to do things in the same order each preschool day. Songs and Bible story first, letters and numbers etc next, free play, art/craft, outside time or dancing inside etc.....so they can kind of get used to a schedule of things and know what to expect. But at the same time I will be flexible. Hopefully this will work well. Tomorrow we are going to collect some sand as well to make a "sand picture" of their name. I hope. LOL. according to if the sand is dry or not...it has rained a lot last night and today.....(which we needed).
So just sharing how it went and what we did. Any homeschooler moms out there....feel free to add any advice or critiques.......thanks for listening.

Discovery

Lately there are things that I am discovering about my childhood and myself that quite frankly is hard to deal with. As I face the abuses I suffered as I child and seek deeper healing I discover many things. First, I am more aware of myself as a parent for fear of making the same mistakes. Secondly, abusive words even done in error can cause a lasting effect. Third, the person who used some of this negative language may not even be aware themselves what they have done to you. Fourth, forgiveness, true forgiveness is a choice and happens in layers. God only gives you what you can handle. So He may not reveal to you all things at once but will slowly uncover what you are ready to handle. I have done some things in the past that quite honestly came from ignorance and as a result of my path. Luckily, I stopped myself before I verbally hurt my children or when I did react harshly, I apologized and reevaluated the situation. Just the other day in frustration I said something to Christopher that was wrong. I realized it and began to cry. I asked him to forgive me and said it wasn't his fault and reassured him I love him, despite my mistakes. He took it in stride. I do not want to repeat the mistakes of my parents or people who did damage in my life on my children. To do this I must be aware of what I am saying and doing. I am doing a study on Love Is a Choice. It has helped me realize some things in my life that need healing and things that I can do better with my own children. We all make mistakes but it is what we do with those mistakes and how we make it better that counts. I am sure every parent on the face of the earth has said things or done things to their children that were hurtful or wrong...BUT...it does not have to become a pattern or a lifestyle. As I overcome what happened in my past, I break a cycle. My parents did the best they good for the most part with what they had to do with. The knowledge they had, the things they suffered as children and/or the mistakes they recognized or did not recognize. I don't hold blame against them and I don't hold a grudge. It just makes me want to be a better parent. I tell my children daily I love them and try to show them in ways that are tangible. For example, playin tea party or reading them a story when I don't feel like it. Stopping myself from snapping at them when they aren't listening. And most of all, learning to WALK AWAY when I am mad. I am discovering that just as children grow, so do parents. We don't automatically know how to do it. It takes time and growth. I am discovering that I am stronger than I thought I was and that I am a survivor. I am an overcomer because of what Christ has done in me. And the key to it all, the key to healing, the key to victory, truly is forgiveness. As God peels off this layer He is working on in me right now, it is not comfortable but oh how much more clearly I can see. I choose to walk in love and forgiveness. I choose to sow a heritage of love, patience, kindness into my children. I choose to be the best parent I know to be and learn more about being a better parent. I choose to give my kids memories filled with love and joy instead of grief. I want them to see their childhood differently than I see mine. But it takes work on myself and willingness to admit my mistakes. It takes WANTING to change the things that need changing and asking for help. That ALONE is hard. But I will with God's help be that Proverbs 31 Mommy. Today, on this day, God is doing a new work in my heart and I am being healed to a greater depth than ever before. Simply, because God knew I was ready. God knew I could handle it now and God knew I wanted to change. My prayer is that I show my children Jesus in all I do, say, believe and feel. That they will learn it is okay to make mistakes, it is okay to forgive and it is okay to admit you screwed up. Perfection is not attainable or expected but trying your best is. Learning from the past and your mistakes helps you grow and become stronger. And most of God is able to do great and mighty things when we let Him. And He loves us all, just as we are. He does not expect perfection because He is made perfect in our weakness and He will give us the strength to grow, become stronger and learn a better more Jesus like way. If we rest on Him and His promises, He truly will get us through. So I, the imperfect mother that I am, realize God loves me just like I am, so do my children and my job is to do my best and keep striving to learn new and better ways to live this life with the love and compassion He places in my soul.