Last Day of the old year and last day as a 41 year old

Today is the last day of the year. Tomorrow dawns a new year and my birthday. I will be 42. Do I feel 42? No, not really. I feel like an immature person who makes too many mistakes. Do we ever "feel" grown up? I see people who seem to have it all together and I marvel at them. I know you aren't supposed to be jealous, but I do get a tad bitten by the green eyed monsters of these ladies who have it all together. Then I am reminded, they may feel the same way I do. None of us are immune to feeling this way.

As the New Year dawns there is so many hopes I have for my family and myself. I pray we can get on a more even keel financially. I pray I can become a stronger Christian, a better wife and a better mother. I pray some way, some how God will allow us to have a house instead of an apartment. I pray that my children will be healthy.

For Christopher, I pray most of all he will get past his sensory issues and EAT.

For Hannah, I pray she realizes that being the middle child doesn't mean she is forgotten. We try to show this to her in many ways, but you see it in her eyes sometimes....middle child syndrome.

For Jennifer it is a more selfish prayer, that she will learn to stop wetting the bed at night.

For Mike, that his dreams of becoming a pastor of a church on a constant basis will be realized. Whether, he becomes an associate pastor or a head pastor is irrelevant. But he wants to preach and teach.

For myself, that I will learn how to be more organized. Be a avid Bible reader and a strong prayer warrior. God HIMSELF will be my guide. I see in myself the things I lack and I know there MUST be change for growth. Old things must be cast away. I must be pruned and trimmed. I am ready Lord, teach me. Mold me, make me into the woman YOU want me to be.

I feel like we have had a year of storms, rain, trials and tests. But I also believe there is new growth peeking out of the flood and the rain. As tender shoots brave the storms that have assailed us, God will bring to good what was meant for bad. Somehow, we will be victorious and we will look back and see that it was a time of change and growth. Out of rain comes new life. Our of storms come rainbows. God is faithful.

Things I have learned this past year

• That a 3 year old can have a better sense of humor than any adult I know.
• That I am not nor can I ever be super mom.
• That people will always judge you and find you lacking but you don't have to listen to their judgements. That you can rise above what others thing and know that you are doing what you are supposed to do.
• That 9 year old boys can be grumpy one second and a nano second later they are happy. They have faster mood swings than toddlers ever dreamed of having. And their moods do not always make sense.
• That each year with my children and husband brings deeper love.
• That God isn't finished with me, He hasn't given up on me, and He believes in me even when there are those in my life who don't seem to.
• That pain of the heart does not last forever, but it can make you stronger.
• That once again, prayer DOES work.
• That you can have little in the monetary sense of the word but have much in love. (I did know that but it was shown to me again and again).
• That miracles show up in unexpected places and ways.
• That God's promises truly are new every morning. Once again, I knew that, but God shows it to me again and again. I love Him.
• That friendship has a way of being like warm butter on hot toast, comforting and soothing.
• That love is truly the root of contentment.
• That a kindergartner sees life through different eyes. Eyes full of wonder and joy.

I will be adding to this list from time to time.

Guess the pain is just that pain

No known cause, the blood work and urine sample showed nothing in regards to the pain. However, I KNOW it isn't all in my head, it is in my side! Today is better, not as severe as yesterday. Guess I just have to live with it. Although I did find out I have border line low thyroid and googled that. That totally explains WHY I am so tired all the time. No medications to be prescribed at this time, so yet another thing I have to deal with. I am going to have to figure out how to live my life with constant exhaustion and no way to treat it. Fun, fun fun. NOT.

Okay I am in a poor mood today, pain will do that to you. The kids are being sweet though. All 3 of them. Jennifer keeps coming over to me, laying hands on me and praying for me. It is so precious. I have the best kids on the planet, hands down!

So that is my little update.

I am going to take my pain, that was akin to labor pain yesterday and lay down on the couch. Sad thing is that for all that pain; I have nothing little and cute to show for it. sigh.

Dr Update

Nothing to report. Sigh, still in pain and nothing to report. Dr does not think it is a cracked rib because he could press the rib. He did a lot of blood work and took a urine sample. All I know is I want something to show HOW to TREAT this. I HURT! 24/7 ....I hurt. Please God let them find an answer and be able to treat it. I AM IN PAIN.

My Dearest Hannah

Mommy has a great huge apology to give you. I did not get your birthday letter and birthday post written back in November. I am sorry. Partly due to all the illness in our house and partly just due to Mommy getting distracted. One day you will understand how that can happen and how it is no reflection of Mommy's love for you.

Over the past year, you have grown so much in so many ways. You are mature beyond your years. You are loving and compassionate. You live life with gusto but at the same time, you are our most serious child. You think deeply, you love deeply and you are sensitive. You are the Princess. You are such a girly girl. You make me smile. You can be moody and pouty but it is because you feel so deeply. You have learned to read. You have learned so much in Kindergarten. You love learning and growing and living.

Your love for Jesus is beautiful. Watching you do your drama inspires me. You praise your Lord with all of your precious heart. You love Him immensely and you are not afraid to show it.

Your kindness towards others is phenomenal. You make your Daddy and I so proud. I marvel at the person you are. I see great big possibilities in you. I think you will either be a teacher or someone who cares for others. You say, you want to be a Mommy with 12 children! That humbles me, because you say you want to be like me. In all my faults and flaws you want to be like your Mommy. That makes me want to do better.

You my sweet daughter are in inspiration and I love you. Keep shining for Jesus.

Love Mommy

My plans for the coming year

I am going to attempt to make at least one blog post a day. That is 365 posts at least. I am not going to promise but I am going to try. There will be days that will be about as exciting as watching paint dry. However, with my 3 kids I am sure there are some days that will be entertaining, at least to other moms. I hope to inspire someone, share my faith and perhaps make someone have hope and want to live for the Lord.

I don't fathom that I have great words of wisdom or influence. I am just a normal wife, mother, woman with flaws and imperfections. Occasionally I get bursts of inspiration and have something eloquent to say. However, for the most part, I am as average as they come.

I try to live my life with compassion, love and integrity. I make mistakes. I am not the perfect wife, mother, Christian, and so on. I want to be better in all areas of my life. I want others to see that the Jesus I speak about is the Jesus I live and love and serve.

Happy New Year and may the coming year bring you many blessings.

Updates from us

The kids finally did get better but then it was Christmas activities at the school, church and going here and there and busy busy busy. Christopher's asthma continues to be a challenge.

I too am facing a challenge right now. For a couple of weeks I have had off and on pain under my left rib cage. This weekend it has become more prevalent and more constant. I am making a doctor's appointment tomorrow. We are thinking maybe one of the kids cracked a rib crawling on Mommy? Not sure but the pain ranges from a 3-9 on a scale of 1-10 and is never gone now. I am not sure what is going on but I am tired of hurting, so off I go to try and find some answers. My prayer is that they find the cause and FIX IT! Mommy being out of commission is NOT an option.