Today I was dealing with some extended family issues...(not my hubby or children)....which not only caused this person to lash out at me unfairly and make statements that were unfair and untrue it hurt deeply. It brought up painful past issues. Healing is a process. Not always immediate nor recognizable. I lost it with this person and did lose my temper at the end and left crying. I will apologize for losing my temper...however I did nothing wrong. I did not do or even think about doing the implied. I have already forgiven....but in the path of the chaos I am left hurting and aching in my heart. I feel like I will never be what this person wants me to be. I can't. Only God can. I am a human being with feelings. I have no where near arrived. I have much to learn. While I don't feel it yet.....I hope this pain in my heart brings growth. I do not want to ever hold onto resentment or pain......because when its held onto it turns into bitterness. A bitter person wreaks havoc on those around them. I am a recipient this weekend of a bitter person's tirade. She lashed out of bitterness and not truth. I know that but it still hurt.
I am thankful for my husband who just held me while I cried......after I came back home. Growth can come in many ways....sometimes a simple rain shower brings it....but sometimes it takes a storm......and while the storm might leave some damage it an also clear out the chaff and bring about greater change cause it cleared the heart for new things to be planted. So here I sit in the aftermath praying that good can come of this. That what was meant for pain and self centered attention will turn to good. I love this person.....but the negativity and bitterness.....has to change. This person can NOT live like that...it isn't healthy for her or anyone around her. So I am praying for her and that a miracle will be wrought and that I will learn what I need to learn to be better and I will grow from it. That I too will change what I need to change so that my response when faced with such an event again will not be what it was today.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Posted by Thelmama Vlogs at 11:26 AM